学术论文要如何写-系列五

本文将节录不同学术议题的内容，分析常见的写作错误，并分享润色修改与写作的技巧，希望可以帮到大家。这一篇文章的主题是私人研究如何获得公众注目，并探讨了一些名气的作用。但是还是暴漏了一些写作上面的问题。

Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. This column examines short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and to explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被认可的文章

“The biochemist felt like a popular celebrity. She was awkwardly asked for autographs by her peers and assistants, who should know better. She was greeted with wild applause whenever she entered any room. She was granted the authority that she had sought unsuccessfully for years to explore new ideas wherever she found them. These were the perquisites of her success in the volatile world of venture research with all its ups and downs. It is a place where science meets a commercial market and simply applying a clinical procedure can produce a wildly popular commercial product. But she was not charmed by the abrupt attention. She realized that she should use it to move ahead toward her secret professional goals.”

This writer addresses an interesting subject: how private research can culminate in public acclaim. It explores some of the dynamics of popularity. However, the writer clutters the writing with extra words and unneeded phrases. For example, a “popular celebrity” is mostly a redundant expression, though it is possible for a celebrity to be unpopular. She experiences “wild” applause, as opposed to tame applause. She had wanted to explore ideas “wherever she found them,” as opposed to them finding her, perhaps. The sentence that begins, “It is a place…” lacks parallel construction and is wordy. The writer also chose not to combine some sentences using commas, thus dragging the reader through additional words. Minutes taken to review, cull, and rewrite a passage generally produce a better piece of writing.

本文讨论的主题很有趣，说明私人研究如何获得公众注目，并探讨了一些名气的作用。然而文中堆砌了太多词句，例如「popular celebrity」（受欢迎的名人）这句基本上有点多余，名人怎么会不受欢迎呢？文中又说科学家获得「wild」（狂野）的掌声，掌声应该没有温驯的吧？科学家又想探讨「wherever she found them」的想法，难道想法会自己去找科学家？以「It is a place…」开头的句子缺乏平行结构，显得冗赘。另外有些句子未以逗号连接，也显得冗长。花个几分钟检查、删减、修饰文章，往往能获得更好的作品。

Acceptable 认可的文章

“The biochemist felt like a celebrity. She was awkwardly asked for autographs by peers and assistants, greeted with applause whenever she entered a room, and granted the leeway she had been denied for years to explore new ideas. These were the perks of success in the volatile world of venture research, where science meets a market and application of a clinical procedure can produce a popular commercial product. She was not charmed by the sudden attention, but realized that she should use it to advance her undisclosed professional goals.”