学术论文要如何写-系列六

本文将节录不同学术议题的内容，分析常见的写作错误，并分享润色修改与写作的技巧，希望可以帮到大家。这段文章描述时序即将入秋时的校园生活一景，可惜不连贯的意像以及无力的陈词滥调却破坏了这幅景象。

Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. This column examines short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and to explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被认可的文章

“The seasonal change startled and transformed the scene. A lazy and warm day that persuaded the upper-level students to go outdoors and lounge on the grass with their books and some friends was chased away when a north breeze suddenly whipped through the trees and showered the lounging students with pine needles and maple leaves. Sleeveless shirts and blouses that had bared arms were covered up by coats and light sweaters against the breeze. The impulses to lounge and to daydream also were chilled by the breeze. Sober minds quickly doffed such frivolous thoughts and resolved to finish their assignments by nightfall by a wood stove.”

This glimpse of campus life on a pivotal autumn day is marred by failure to create a continuous thread of imagery, and by word choices that frequently are weak and clichéd. The first sentence says a seasonal change “startled” the scene. The meaning of that is difficult to grasp. Some words are overused—“lounge,” for example, and “breeze.” A sentence that rather awkwardly describes clothing “that had bared arms were covered up.” A simpler, smoother description would be that the skimpier clothes “disappeared under” coats. The tenses of some words—such as “sober”—were not quite correct. All in all, the passage describes an engaging scene, but does so less artfully than it might have had the writer reflected upon it more .

本段文章描述时序即将入秋时的校园生活一景，可惜不连贯的意像以及无力的陈词滥调却破坏了这幅景象。第一句提到季节的变换「startled」（惊吓）了整个场景，文意不清，且像是「lounge」及「breeze」等词也用了太多次。描写衣着「that had bared arms were covered up」一句显得相当拙劣，改为过少的衣着「disappear under coats」（消失在大衣之下）会更简洁顺畅。另外「sober」等字的时态也不太正确。总而言之，如果作者能描写得当，这段文章所描述的景象应当更加引人入胜。

Acceptable 认可的文章

The seasonal change was startling and transforming. A lazy, warm day that enticed the upper-level students outdoors to lounge on the grass with books and friends was chased away when a northern breeze suddenly cut through the trees and pelted them with needles and leaves. Sleeveless shirts and blouses disappeared under coats and light sweaters. Chilled also were the impulses to dally and daydream. Sobered minds quickly tamped down such frivolous thoughts and fired up resolve to finish their assignments by nightfall around a wood-burning stove.”