学术论文要如何写-系列四

本文将节录不同学术议题的内容，分析常见的写作错误，并分享润色修改与写作的技巧，希望可以帮到大家。这一篇出现一些写作上的错误：像是赘词，还有不精确，过度描述，等等的问题。

Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. This column examines short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and to explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被认可的文章

“The morning walk was brightly lit, with sunlight shining through limbs stripped of leaves by the previous week's wind and freezing temperatures. Shifting his bag higher on his shoulder, the naturalist shuffled through a veritable ocean of leaves and dried grasses. His eyes constantly peered around as he walked, looking for all the signs of biological life that a field biologist can identify and appreciate. Occasionally he looked up in a tree in the direction of a chirp or trill that sparked a bird's image in his mind, causing him to want to identify the singing feathered friend.”

This paragraph contains some bad examples of writing: Wordiness…”brightly lit” instead of “bright.” Imprecision… A bag probably wasn't shifted higher on a shoulder; the straps of the bag were. Over-the-top description…” veritable ocean of leaves” instead of, for example, a “thick mat of leaves.” Redundancy… “biological life” instead of just “life.” Cliché… “singing feathered friend” instead of “singing fowl.” Other sentences are weakened by unimaginative word choices. Good writers are separated from less-good writers by careful avoidance of some of these errors. A reader always can tell the difference.

本段出现一些写作上的错误：像是赘词，作者写了「 brightly lit」（明亮地点亮），而不是「 bright」（明快）。还有不精确，被移到肩膀上方的不应该是包包，而是肩带才对。过度描述，像是「 veritable ocean of leaves」（名副其实的叶子海洋）应该以「 thick mat of leaves」（叶子铺成的厚垫）取代。作者也犯了冗长的毛病，写了「 biological life」（生物的生命），而非「 life」（生命）。最后是陈词滥调，应该以「 singing fowl」（在歌唱的禽鸟）代替「 singing feathered friend」（在歌唱的有羽类朋友）。至于其他句子，则是被毫无想像力的用词给削弱力度了。好的写作和不好的写作，差别在作者能否细心避开上述错误。对读者来说，这些错误是显而易见的。

Acceptable 认可的文章

“The morning walk was bright, with sunlight shining through limbs denuded of leaves by the previous week's wind and cold. Shifting the straps of his bag higher on his shoulder, the naturalist shuffled through the thick mat of leaves and dried grasses. His eyes constantly scanned the ground as he walked, looking for all the signs of life that a field biologist can identify and appreciate. Occasionally he looked up in a tree in response to a chirp or trill that sparked an image in his mind along with the impulsive need to spot and confirm the species of the singing fowl.”