学术论文要如何写-系列三

本文将节录不同学术议题的内容，分析常见的写作错误，并分享润色修改与写作的技巧，希望可以帮到大家。这篇例子作者在文字的选择和使用上犯了几个错误，本文将详细解答应该如何修改。

Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. This column examines short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and to explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被认可的文章

“Historic records show the hurricane pounded ashore nearly 200 miles further south than forecast, catching businesspeople unawares. Naked plate glass windows shattered when struck by 70 mph winds and airborne projectiles. Flying shards sliced into boxes and stuck in walls and display cabinets. Torrents whipped through the windows and ruined inventory and marketing materials. As in every catastrophe, irony showed its face. The owner of a store selling paper was relieved to find his windows unbroken, yet water ran out the door when he opened it: The violent storm had triggered the store's sprinkler system and flooded the inside of the building.

The writer is guilty of questionable word choices and assumptions. The very first word in the excerpt is wrong. The records are not “historic,'' that is, momentous in and of themselves; they are “historical,” meaning they contain history. “Further” does not specifically mean distance (it can also mean time), but “farther” does and would have been a better choice in this sentence. “Naked” plate glass windows? That is a stretch, when the intent of the usage is to show they are unprotected. “Flying shards” could mean shards of wood or brittle plastic; it should have been modified to mean broken glass. The same is true of “torrents” without the words “of water.” In short, the writer reached for brevity and sacrificed clarity in the doing, a bad bargain.

作者在文字的选择和使用上犯了几个错误，特别是节录段落的第一个字就是错的。记录不该是「historic」；这里应该将重点放在记录本身，使用「historical」，表示这些记录包括过去发生的事件。 「Further」并不单指距离上的差异（这个词也能用在时间上），但是「farther」却仅能用于实际距离上。因此，这里比较适合用「farther」这个字。另外，什么是「naked」玻璃窗？作者应该是想要表示窗户暴露在外未受到保护，却误用错字。 「Flying shards」可能是木头或塑胶碎片，所以将这个部分加以改写，强调是碎玻璃。同样的情形也发生在「torrent」上，少了「of water」。总之,作者为了达到文章简练而牺牲了文意清晰，可谓得不偿失。

Acceptable 认可的文章

“Historical records show the hurricane surged ashore nearly 200 miles farther south than forecast, catching businesspeople unprepared. Unprotected plate glass windows shattered under the force of 70 mph winds and airborne projectiles. Flying shards of glass sliced into boxes and embedded themselves in walls and display cabinets. Torrents of rain whipped through the window openings and ruined inventory and marketing materials. As in every catastrophe, irony showed up. The owner of a paper goods store was relieved to find his windows intact, yet water ran out the door when he opened it: The storm had triggered the sprinkler system and flooded the building.