Why_Enablers_Are_Subject_to_Guilt

I would like to give you an example of my experience enabling in a counseling,political or psychological sense. Enabling is a term with a double meaning. As a positive term, it references patterns of interaction which allow individuals to develop and grow. These may be on any scale, for example within the family,[1] or in wider society as "Enabling acts" designed to empower some group, or create a new authority for a (usually governmental) body. In a negative sense, enabling is also used in the context of problematic behavior, to signify dysfunctional approaches that are intended to help but in fact may perpetuate a problem.[1][2] A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take responsibility, blame, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person themselves does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change. It is a major environmental cause of addiction.[3] A common example of enabling can be observed in the relationship between the alcoholic/addict and a codependent spouse. The spouse believes incorrectly that he or she is helping the alcoholic by calling into work for them, making excuses that prevent others from holding them accountable, and generally cleaning up the mess that occurs in the wake of their impaired judgment. In reality what the spouse is doing is hurting, not helping. Enabling prevents psychological growth in the person being enabled and can contribute to negative symptoms . My spouse and I once we married gave to ourselves much funds in which to provide for the home. My wife had then decided that she were to become a "stay-at-home" wife . With no reason for her to find gainful employment,knowing full well a steady income to provide for the home,he enabler.My process of helping my spouse delve into alcoholism was exacerbated by my guilt feelings that I had somehow caused and was the solution to our dilema. We had all suffered many years of this behavior and feelings of denial and low self esteem. I was fearful that our family would look down upon my failings and wife's problem. It was suggested that a family intervention would at least relieve me of this sickening feeling. One of the primary purposes of a formal Family Intervention with alcoholics/addicts is the help the family cease their enabling behaviors. Generally, individuals who enable others have weak boundaries, low self-esteem, and have difficulty being assertive when they communicate with others. I know and spouse both realized that we both had personal issues to work out. It is a long and brightening journey that would have needlessly been initiated had we both were more communicative to each others concerns. References ^ a b c elinewberger.com From the page on 'enabling', by Eli H. Newberger, M.D., referenced by that web page to The Men They Will Become ch.18 "Enabling". ^ Enabler: Are You Enabling Drug Use In A Loved One' 2008 ^ Robert L. DuPont (2000-02-17), The selfish brain, p. 15, ISBN 9781568383637