When_You_Realize_Something_Has_Finally_Gone_Too_Far

As Jordyn sat gazing out the Jeep’s tinted passenger window, her surroundings were familiar. A route that had been driven for nearly five years. Watching the road through her misty eyes, quickly come close to an end, began an unexplainable sensation in her stomach. She began counting down the exits, dreading the time she would read Deer Valley on the large green sign. A million butterflies had all at once, been breathed in and trapped inside her body. They were flying around in every direction possible, fluttering against the walls of her stomach, trying to escape through an exit that did not exist. Then, like raindrops falling from an angry sky, her hazel eyes began to pour. She had arrived. Still sitting there on the gray, fabric seat Jordyn hoped that she was merely dreaming. But no, it was reality. Slowly she reached her right arm across her body, released her seatbelt and opened the door; she then placed her two bare feet on the rocky gravel beneath her and stood up. Her legs, quivering in fear, created great difficulty in standing. Jordyn glanced back at the driver seated in the car for a nod of approval. The driver smiled and attempted to encourage his young daughter although he too knew, there was no point. She stumbled, tripping over her own feet walking to the large glass doors. They were covered in a dark black film to keep the “outsiders” from seeing in. Her small shaking hand reached for the bright red handle and slowly opened the door with great trepidation. She stepped into the building and continued making her way through the lobby. The lobby was full of spectators; parents that somehow enjoyed seeing their children suffer. They claimed to be there for support but the athletes only felt more pressured by their presense. Jordyn then pushed the brown swimging door open. It was like she opend Pandora’s Box but instead of the evil escaping, itenveloped her- now she was a prisoner. For the next five hours Jordyn knew that she must follow orders and do everything exactly as told, if not better. As the brown door swung open, an odor of sweat and chalk immediately overwhelmed her senses. Her two bare feet were now placed on the rough, bright red carpet of a spring floor made to defy gravity and perform skills that should only be imagined and never attempted. As Jordyn raised her head, she could feel the butterflies returning to her empty stomach, and her teary eyes beginning to fog as she gazed into the gym. The towering white brick walls surrounded her, confirming that she was now imprisoned, confined to pure agony. Many banners hung from the ceiling, in representation of the few moments of glory that had become of the prison. The red carpet to her right, outlined with glossy white tape, was a sea of small innocent children; she wished to warn them, to reveal the doom that lied just behind the neatly pubished facade. To her left the long black tumble track was filled with little girls being forced to attempt new skills that they did not yet contain the courage to complete without fear. Towards the back of the gym she could see more young women completing one giant after another on the white chalky bars, and an uncountable number of leaps on the beams, knowing they would never be good enough to satisfy their coaches’ expectations. Jordyn’s heart was racing as fast as a top notch athlete who had just completed a marathon in record time. She reluctantly scurried across the floor to her locker, and avoided all eye contact with any coaches. Swiftly she removed her black adidas sweats and placed them in the small blue locker designated to her belongings. Jordyn closed its door, knowing that now it was time to get to work. She turned around, leaning her small, elegant but muscular body, covered by a vibrant pink leotard, against the lockers with her eyes closed to cherish one last moment of solitude in mental preparation of what lay before her. Like the eyes of a hawk searching for its prey, Jordyn could feel someone staring deep into her soul. Her eyes flew open. She now stared back, eye to eye, at her beam coach, Donna. Donna suddenly raised her old wrinkly hand and waved Jordyn over to the beam area. “What do you think your doing just standing there' You are already late for practice! You better hope you get your assignment done today or you’re just going straight home. I’m done dealing with you.” Great disappointment and animosity was expressed in her voice as always. When she spoke, her body shook, revealing the loose skin around her arms that flapped around with every immensive movement she made. Donna’s anger was uncontrollable. She was utterly disgusted with Jordyn even though nothing had happened to cause her emotions. Jordyn’s eyes began to water; her tear ducts were filled with large crocodile size drops that began streaming down her rosy cheeks. Every ounce of encouraging and uplifting thoughts had left her mind. Everything now began to be considered impossible. She forced her stiffened body to move towards the beam. Today was the day she had to conquer her fear, but she knew it would never happen, she had already made up her mind. Jordyn quickly went through the motions of stretching and warming up to complete her first skill like she had been doing for several years since her entire life had revolved around this sport. Shaking in fear, she mounted the four foot high, 16 foot long, four inche wide balance beam. Her stomach was a roller coaster, twisting and turning with every movement. Eyes still blurry from her tears, she paced from end to end on the beam, one foot in front of the other without a wobble. She had walked the beam millions of times before, and could do it with her eyes closed. She attempted to prepare herself to perform her most difficult series of skills. Now it was time. She walked to the far end of the beam one final time. Her eyes began to wander. She noticed the blue dusty mats below her and began to contemplate what would happen if she fell. Then she focused in on the noise in the room her and looked around herself. The stereo blasting, coaches yelling, children talking and crying. Then, Jordyn noticed directly in front of her stood Donna, watching and waiting. It was like a game to Donna, how miserable can an athlete be before it becomes too much' Jordyn then brought her misty eyes back to the beam. She stood two feet away from the end. Her left foot pointed out in front of her while the majority of her weight was being balanced on her right. She extended her arms above her head and breathed in deeply. Trying to relieve her nerves, she sighed. She stepped forward, bringing her feet side by side; the beginning position of her series. She was frozen. Fear came over her entire body, like a man scared of heights, standing at the very edge of a cliff, looking down into the ice cold water over one-hundred feet below. Hands clenched tight, toes gripping the beam quivering, she couldn’t do it. Five minutes passed and Jordyn began to feel dizzy. Her entire world was coming to an end. Her twelve year dream of becoming and olympic gymnast was over. She realized she could never overcome this fear.