Vignettes

Mood Ring She asked if the ring was hers. The ring on my right index finger. I liked it. The way it changed colors. The way it looked on my finger. The way it was so shiny. I looked her in the eyes and lied. I had told her I bought it at the dollar store. She claimed to have lost it during class and dropped it on the floor. Her friend had given it to her as a gift. I still looked at her and stated the ring was mine. I saw the disappointment in her face. I heard the way she reacted by saying only one word, "Oh." I felt this sudden guilt rise. I tried thinking about something else, but my conscious wouldn't let me. I felt the wrong I had done. I not only let her down, but myself too. I still have that ring. It's on my right index finger. I look at it, and the same feeling of guilt rushes through my system even after awhile ago. Mask My father's hair is like a rock, hard from all that hairspray he puts on everyday before he goes to work. My mother's hair is an ocean, with waves of hair that seem endlessly long. My sister's hair is like angel hair pasta, thin, as if I can slip my fingers like a fork right through her hair. The hair I choose to show to the world is as straight as paper, because I hate my natural hair. My natural hair, my natural hair, is like a wild beast with curls out of control. I hide my natural hair by using chemicals, chemicals, and chemicals. Why' Because I hate how it looks on me. For some reason I feel much more confident when my hair is straightened, maybe because I get complimented more. I know they say I should love me for myself, but how I have my hair is how I present myself to the world. It defines who I am. Saturday Mornings I remember clearly the year of 1999. Kindergarden, I was obsessed with Pokemon. I would wake up on saturday mornings eager to watch it at about 7 am. I watched the show before even touching my breakfast because it was just that important to me. I'd still be in my favorite barbie pajamas with my eyes stuck on the television. After the episode was done, I'd put the dvd movie of Pokemon and replay it over and over again while laying on my stomach. Even though the episodes of Pokemon were re-runs, or I'd know what would happen in each scene of the movie, I watched with my eyes gleaming in excitement. I couldn't get enough of the Pokemon battles because it was full of action, something I liked unlike other girls who only enjoyed dolls. I giggled at everything in the show and found most of what wasn't supposed to be funny, hilarious. I actually learned lessons in the show, especially about friendship. Pokemon was my addiction and what made me happy as a child. Michelle According to my mother my name has no meaning. It was chosen on the day I was born. There is reason to believe my name could have been picked out of thin air. Although it was random, I realized how it sounded American compared to the rest of my family in Indonesia. Everyone besides my sister and I who were born in America has a cultural Indonesian name. I questioned my mother about the choice of an American name and for some reason the look on her face made it seem memories of a child in a poor family replay in her head like a rewind button. She told the story of her sad past and struggles. Back in my mom's country, none of my relatives can pronounce my name. To them, it was uncommon and strange. My mother was glad about my name, my Americanized name compared to my family. After her leaving Indonesia to start a new beginning in America, she wanted a fresh start. I was the first in my family to be born in the US. My name is the beginning of a new american life. My name is a mask of her struggles to forget about her past, and to tattoo onto myself as only an American. Retro Glasses Man The retro glasses man lives across my apartment. He's always lived there since the day I moved in about ten years ago. There is no communication between him or any of the neighbors. Not a hi, a hello, a bye, or even a smile. Not the slightest sign of emotion. Quiet was what he did best, that is until night reaches. Dark nights, starry nights, every night. I hear a scream of nonsense, screaming for hours at a time. Lack of sleep was caused from his yelling. I assumed he'd been drinking. Why drink' He's old. He's anti-social. He lives alone. Drinking allows the retro glasses man to scream emotions inside he's too afraid to show. The screams descend to a whisper, and then morning rises; silence. I look in the eyes of a lone soul. Not a hi, a hello, a bye, or even a smile. Night approaches and a man of emotions tell a different story. Foreign "Papih", I heard the children say in my latin neighborhood. I adapted to this environment at an early age. Although I am Asian, I called my father what hispanics called theirs. I probably learned more Spanish by ear then the English language taught from my kindergarden teacher. I went to my home school in elementary where the majority of parents and children spoke Spanish. Even the teachers spoke in Spanish towards me and my parents. It was hard trying to learn Spanish, my parent's language, and English at the same time. Not only did I adapt to the Spanish language but also their culture. Most of my Asian friends ate seeweed, rice and sushi while I ate tamales sold by the lady across the street who screams early in the morning. Until this day, I still call my dad, "Papih." The neighborhood influenced much of who I am today. Rumor He liked me, but to the point where it got obsessive. After the billionth time he asked me out, I decided to tell him I had liked someone else. He asked me who, and I named one of my guy friends. I forgot that the guy I named already had a girlfriend and that the girl was his cousin. Just because I rejected him, he spread a rumor that my guy friend was cheating on his girlfriend with me. It only took one rumor to become huge drama. After this happened, people started labeling me without even getting to know who I am. I lost a couple friendships from those who believed that rumor and didn't take my side of the story into consideration. It seemed like a lie already ran halfway around the world without the truth even put its shoe on. Until this day, I don't talk to my guy friend anymore and there's people who still don't believe me. I regret the day I had told him about me liking another guy. It hurts to know those who were once so close to me are strangers now. Crushed Dreams When I was younger, my mother forced me to do sports against my will. I did gymnastics. I did swimming. I did ballet. I even did tennis. I hated each one of them except for one sport I grew to love, ice skating. I had a passion for it since I was four years old. From then on I had lessons three days a week for about three to four hours. I had this same schedule for eight years. I was determined I would become a professional ice skater. As I watched the winter Olympics, I would mutter to myself, "One day, I'll be one of them." I put a 100% effort into the competitions and recitals with the determination I'll be famous one day. I hadn't realized how important it was to me until my mom randomly told me I couldn't ice skate anymore. After years of not ice skating, I noticed my lost of motivation in everything including school and exercise. I asked why, and she said she didn't want me to be famous for ice skating, but have a future in the medical career. For Rent I was four when I found out I had to move into a new apartment. This for me at that age meant new neighborhood, new friends, new toys for my bedroom, and a new bed to nap. I remember walking into the gates which were too high for me to reach I kept telling myself that "everything's going to be the same, everything's going to be the same." I was excited to open the door to my new home but even more thrilled to see my bedroom. I looked and saw a crib next to my bed without even realizing my mom was pregnant. I hated the idea of the baby getting more attention. Instead of going to my bed, I quickly went in the crib so that way I could still be the baby of the house. I pretended to nap with the stuffed animals under the blanket so I wouldn't be moved to my new bed. My mom told me the new baby would have the big girl's bed and that certainly made me jealous enough to sleep in my new bed at my new home. I looked at the crib which will soon have a baby inside and couldn't imagine how my life would be different having a sister. Repeat Even though it was awhile back, I still remember that horrible feeling of getting caught and thinking I was so slick. It happened four years ago in sign language class while we were doing a test. The test for me was a piece of cake, but for my best friend it was as hard as rocket science. I don't like seeing my friend fail as I succeed, so I decided to help her. My first attempt was to whisper the answer but apparently she couldn't hear me. I then talked louder, trying to give the answers while the teacher was looking away. I ended up screaming the answers after repeating myself several times because I got annoyed that she couldn't hear. I didn't even realize the teacher had listened and looked straight in my eyes. The whole quiz was cancelled and the teacher gave everyone a zero, all because of me. I looked down with embarrassment and I could feel myself turn red. I knew this teacher for awhile and felt bad for what I did. I still remember the feeling of my heart beating so heavily I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. Played A new instant message beeped on my computer screen. His fingers typed the words any girl would love to hear. At that time I was going through alot and looked for comfort. Luckily the boy was there to help me with kind words. Eventually those words led to sweet talking. An occasional compliment followed by smiley emoticons. I couldn't help but feel special. Months passed and this continued. Feelings growing more as each day goes by. Little did I know he was doing the same to other girls including my best friend. Telling me he only liked me and the next second telling another girl he liked her. I couldn't believe how vulnerable I was falling into his lies. All boys need to do is speak the right words at the right time and he will have that girl wrapped around his finger. I don't know why that is, but girls tend to believe everything a boy tells them. Sometimes we know it's a lie and our minds tell us not to fall for it, but our heart is open for that boy. When we do open our hearts, we're just in for a broken heart. I wish boys could go into a girls shoe and see how easily it is to fall for words. Stuffed Animal I remember the end of a long winter performance in fourth grade. There was a lady selling stuffed animals right outside the USC auditorium. My sister and I took a look at the dolls, bears, and animals. She quickly chose a blonde haired doll. I couldn't make a decision because I didn't like the choices. That is, until I came upon a huge, white fluffy rabbit. At that age, I had a fascination about anything cuddly and poofy. The happiness in my face showed when holding my dad's hand on the right and my rabbit on the fingertips of my left hand. I came home sleeping with the rabbit. Until now I still need it to hold at night. For some reason it made me feel safe. I know one night I had lost it. I stayed up for hours going through the whole house throwing things trying to find it. I cried in my pink barbie pajamas thinking if I didn't hold it I would get nightmares. To my surprise, every night I didn't have it I had bad dreams. That fright has caused me to always be with it. Even when the day was stressful, lying next to that stuffed animal rabbit helps me sleep well. Rose Garden Walking to the rose garden on the day before winter break, my best friend and I were fed up with boys we couldn't move on from. We needed to let go and stop stressing since there ain't time to be wasted on stupid boys. We walked from what seemed like forever until we reached the garden. My feet were so sore, I took off my shoes and socks. I sat near the waterfall and dipped my feet into the cold water. With every drop of water that splashed on my face, I sat there and reflected. I thought long and hard about what I was doing wrong in liking a stupid boy in the first place. How could I be so stupid' After moments passed, I walked barefoot into the garden for hours. I cleared my mind full of worries when looking at the beautiful flowers. The feeling of hurt seemed to have faded away with every flower that blossomed. I felt like a rose with thorns that hurt in the beginning, but ended up into something amazing. I learned to move on with life, because there are more fishes in the sea. Can this day get any better' Mickey Mouse One hot sunny day at Disneyland, I was on the search for Mickey Mouse. I had told myself earlier that I was going to take a picture with him because I wanted to compare how I looked in 1999 at Disneyland. I also have an obsession with Mickey ever since I was younger because I just love how cute he is. I walked around endlessly until I saw a huge line. I was bound to stay in line for my favorite Disney character, but my sister wanted to go on rides. I already waited for twenty minutes and i was not about to leave. My mom told me I couldn't let my sister go by herself and I had to get out of line. I couldn't let that happen and started complaining. Why couldn't my sister just wait half an hour to ride the rides later' I felt as if my mom put her happiness before mine by forcing me to get out of line and didn't even bother to ask if I wanted to stay. "You suck!" My sister's stubborness made me leave. The whole day I didn't talk to her and ignored much of what she had to say. I hated the fact that just because my sister wanted to go on rides at the moment, I couldn't be with Mickey. Home for Halloween In Halloween, I love the fact we get to dress up as whoever we want to be. Every year, I dress in different costumes with different themes whether it was scary or girly. I always have a blast going to houses and seeing all the decorations when trick or treating. I remember one Halloween I actually didn't get to trick or treat nor did I have a costume. I stayed home instead and bought packs of candy for trick or treaters. I waited that night sitting on a chair for so long and to my surprise no one came. I decided to watch tons of scary movies by myself eating the candy I was supposed to distribute. In the middle of a scary scene, I heard a knock on the door and I screamed like a little girl. I got the courage to open the door and saw children in costumes. I didn't realize until they said, "trick or treat", that I had eaten all the candy. I had to embarrassingly say there was no more and lied that other children came so it ran out. I locked the door and went on with my scary movies. I couldn't sleep that night. Cooking Surprise Both my parents work in a restaurant business so food plays a big role in my family. I come home from school with a surprise meal. My mom watches cooking shows on a daily basis and writes down the new recipes in her cook book. She tries out different ideas for every meal, but it didn't always turn out as good as it sounded on tv. I've had to eat meals where I didn't even know the ingredients put inside. I know most people would get tired of eating the same meal everyday but I would actually enjoy that. I have to go home with a new foreign meal everyday without any clue what I'm going to eat next. I come surprised and usually with a confused face when looking at the meal my mom made. I have to take the first bite and when I think it's disgusting, I look at my mom's face and awkwardly smile pretending to like it. I know she works hard so I devour each bite ever so slow with what it seemed like forever to finish. Silly String Freshman year on the last day of school, a group of guys and my friends including me decided to buy silly string. It was going to be boys with girls against those who didn't have silly string, or so I thought. I remember someone yelling that Ms.Tate or Ms.Maddox were out looking for the kids with silly string, so I quickly hid in the closed space between the high school bungalow buildings. Although there was small space, the group of guys managed to fit in. I didn't notice that they surrounded me because I thought they had their silly string out to attack others after the coast was clear. As soon as I discovered I couldn't move, each one of them held two silly string cans and sprayed it towards me. i tried to run to a way outside of that circle but everywhere I turned I was being sprayed. I ended up being covered from head to toe with silly string. They ran away with their cans thrown in the trash can to destroy evidence while I stood there without any help in getting the silly strong off. I was doomed to be in trouble as soon as a staff spotted me. Late Night Friday night rush with a pencil in my right hand feverishly writing. I was finishing up an essay in my friend's house because I didn't have internet at that time. Earlier that day I had the intentions of using her computer for homework. Instead, I ended up doing anything but my homework. I convinced my mom into staying for the night. I tried to do my work but I was too distracted with the idea of a sleepover itself. My mom usually never lets me sleepover anyone's house, so this was big to me. I watched countless movies on her cable tv which I don't have at home. I played computer games for hours until my eyes were tired and I ended up staying up the latest while everyone was sleeping. I tried to stay up longer and have a record by randomly dancing to the music blasting in my ears through my earphones. I got so caught up with the dancing, or whatever it was that I was doing, that I made routines. I know that my friend is light sleeper and all this noise I was making didn't allow her to sleep either. We stayed up telling each other scary stories which we both regretted later on because we definitely couldn't sleep after that. She eventually slept, but I still had this fear of something going to get me. I had no sleep with bags under my eyes the next morning. My mom called picked me up the next day and as soon as I reached home I knocked out. Soulmate I hadn't known him for long, but when we first met it just clicked. At that time, he had a girlfriend which home I hated with from the beginning. Although I didn't like her, I still helped him however much I could to see him happy. When he needed me, I was there to comfort and give my honest advice even if it killed me. I stayed up man late nights talking to him when he went through rough times with family and with his girlfriend. I pretty much put him before sleep just to see him smile. That was when I realized how much I cared for him and the measures I went for to see him happy. I liked him from the moment we built a strong bond but I always kept it a secret because I didn't want to lose this friendship. Months passed and he would end up with a different girl. It hurt seeing him too busy chasing after his ex's or trying to get girls to fall in love with him and not pay to the one that already does. He doesn't even know the pain I feel when he talks to me about another girl. I kept it to myself because I'd rather be hurt that to see him hurt. Not until one night I had the guts to tell him my feelings, only to get his reaction of taking it as a joke. I cried that night but I somewhat expected it since I know him well enough. I woke up the next morning with a message from him, his true feelings towards me and an apology for beating around the bush. My heart couldn't stop beating so fast and my stomach filled with everlasting butterflies until this very day.