Using_Narrative_Devices,_Tell_a_Story_About_Yourself_Which_Has_Shaped_You_Into_the_Person_You_Are_Today

Coming from a humbled background and a sheltered childhood, confidence was never apparent in my being. However going to a mixed secondary school, floating with banter and rumours, the fact I lacked confidence made me an easy target as I wasn’t sure how to defend myself. I was suggested a part time performing arts school by a then close family friend. Ecstatic as I was, it took me weeks to persuade my mom to pay a fortune to let me attend. My ultimate aim – reveal the real ‘confident’ me, the one I’ve been hiding due to my shyness. My audition came around fast, February 2012…woke up thirty minutes before the audition bearing in mind it takes forty five to power walk there (how eager they must of thought of me). Great. Running lte. Bag full of props. Ice-cold English weather, early in the morning. No time for a coat, or even breakfast. I arrive, late, obviously and look like a devoured carcass. Walking in late was extremely embarrassing, torture even! I felt like a nervous wreck, I probably looked like one too. They all knew each other, all posh middle class, rich and well dressed. Snobs in my opinion. I could tell from the first eight seconds that I was going to hate it and have trouble fitting in. The audition consisted of singing and vocal techniques… My first professional experience. All eyes on me, it is an audition after all. Can I sing' Dance routines which I couldn’t seem to pick up fast enough or remember at all. I made myself look like such a fool, just shows how a bad morning makes a bad day. What a bad audition I’m making, and all of the posh snobs were giggling at me. Drama school was supposed to build up my confidence, not knock down my self-esteem. I can’t drop out either, not after I made my mom pay donkeys for this experience. More. Acting scenes, learning complex lines and becoming insane characters. This is my first ever drama experience and I felt like an outcast within these professionals. Ten hours of torture. I managed to endure but stay friendless as I was still an antisocial hermit crab. The audition was intense. I didn’t feel like I’d done enough to be accepted. Fortunately, I did. So it was now or never to step up my game and take advantage of this opportunity. April 21st was the big day for me. Two major performing arts performances at The Gordon Craig Theatre. The following weeks consisted of the same old, learning and practising, learning and practicing. I started to make friends…or so I thought…one more step to confidence. However, I still felt judged. Maybe not directly, but I felt like an outsider still and that was never going to change. My aim was just to make myself proud and ignore the stuck up ‘professionals’ no matter how hard it was. Despite the relapses of low self-esteem due to the judgemental (jealous, as I made myself think) girls. I felt drained, like I was constantly doing it wrong and disappointing the school, letting them down in general. The pressure kept building up on me. Showcase became a countdown. I soon realised I was the only one nervous for this, as they were all professionals, it was a simple breeze. I’ve never performed or even stepped on a stage for that matter. I’ve watched performances and in 99% of them, something goes wrong or someone falls. I know for a fact that that was going to be me in these two shows. Showcase was coming up fast, not like the countdown till Christmas. Two weeks in fact. 14 short days. I’d jumped over at least thirty hurdles in this process and I wasn’t about to fall over the thirty-first. My confidence was at an all-time high and I began to enjoy the 24 hour a week drama school times. I still was concerned about the shows. I’d fallen and messed up at least six times at the school with a couple hundred people laughing hysterically at the blatant mistakes. So what on earth will it be like in front of thousands of strangers' Dress rehearsals and constant rehearsals at the venue. That means its close. Over and over. “No, your lines aren’t being said fast enough!”, “Your costume isn’t up to our standards.”, “You should be perfect at the dance by now”, “We’re dropping people out now!” Those voices hit hard. I knew I wasn’t worthy enough. Along with the stress and exams at school. I should’ve dropped out at the first hurdle. I knew it. From the first day, people telling me I’m not a good actress, have a bad singing voice and not good at learning dance choreography than all the others. At the end of the day, I’m not wishing to become a professional. It’s only to give me a confidence boost and so far it hasn’t been working. Every time I become the slightest bit confident, it is guaranteed to be knocked back down. It’s tough. I know I’m better than this, dedication and fun. I tried to focus on the positive, no matter how hard it was, it began to pay off. I knew this would become a big achievement one day. The day of the showcase, my nerves were repeatedly climbing Mount Everest then abseiling down again and again. I didn’t k now how to feel. My mom was here. Watching me. Front row. I had to show her that her money was well spent. I’ve never done anything like this before and the flashbacks of people falling off stage and the first aiders having to be called as well as my many mishaps in rehearsals….Those thoughts were constantly racing through my already overload subconscious brain. My time to shine, I run on stage just as my dance requires, shaking like I have hyperthermia … and guess what' The inevitable happens, I slip. The floor is oiled up for some reason but to make it worse, two of my team mates slipped and fell due to my accident! They played it cool but I just looked like a fool. My worst fears came true. However, I began to pick it up and a boost of confidence surged through my body and I shone on stage. I felt amazing and pumped. I knew it was worth not falling over the first hurdle. What an achievement, I stuck it out, overcame my fears and gained o much confidence and independence in myself. Despite the rocky road I had doing it, I regret nothing, I thoroughly enjoyed it and would do it all again.