Unit_109_Enable_Parents_to_Develop_Ways_of_Handling_Relationships_and_Behaviour_That_Contribute_to_Every_Day_Life_with_Children

O1 – Know how to enable parents to understand and respond to children’s feelings and behaviours 1.1 It is important to model behaviour for children and young people and their parents as they have a tendency to imitate the behaviour of others who surround them and what they see in the media. People will not only imitate good behaviour but bad behaviour also. There are many role models in the media for children to imitate and often the behaviour is negative. As the media does not always promote family values it is important that we encourage positive behaviours for both parents and children. Parents need to model positive behaviour themselves and limit the amount of time children spend watching the TV and playing computer games. Parents also need to be aware of age restrictions TV, films and games to ensure the behaviours seen in films etc are not inappropriate for the child or young person’s age. Qualities that parents should model include honesty, integrity, compassion, dependability, high standards and values. 1.2 Harsh parenting is whereby parents become excessively sensitive to wrongs done by the children or other family members. Parents who are harsh usually have the children’s best interests at heart and their reasons for being harsh may be one of many including: * For the children to be successful * To avoid embarrassing situations such as unwanted pregnancy * To show they are in charge * To make children respect them * Past failures they don’t want the children to repeat * Financial restraints * Frustrations The behaviours the parent may display harsh parenting may be: * Shouting at the child * Beating them at the slightest mistake * Taking away toys and belongings * Criticism/ name calling The effects of this type of parenting include withdrawal from society; the child may become aggressive towards his/her peers and won’t feel free to discuss his/her problems due to criticism from the parents. They may display violent behaviour and have low self esteem which can turn them to be rebels. The parents may show arrogance and the child may not respect them because of this. 1.3 Boundaries are important as these are the guidelines we set in order to get children to behave in an acceptable manner. Children need to know the limits and what is expected of them so they know how to behave. Boundaries should be clear, understandable, fair and consistent. Children and young people will test the boundaries to see how far they can push them. It is important to maintain the boundaries to be effective in parenting. Boundaries are also required for children to be safe and to feel safe. For instance, we tell children not to talk to strangers, this is a boundary and children must fully understand the boundary set in order that they can protect themselves. There for you must explain to the child the dangers of talking to strangers and only once a boundary is understood the child or young person is more likely to follow it and make decisions staying within the boundary. It is important to set realistic boundaries for realistic reasons. 1.4 Positive reinforcement and recognition is a good strategy for maintaining existing good behaviour, this improves the likelihood of the behaviour reoccurring on its own. This is done by connecting the child positive choice to positive outcomes. To do this you should describe the positive behaviour:|” I see you have completed your homework it’s really neat well done” then link the behaviour to the positive outcome for the child:” now you can go to nannies and show her she will be very impressed” (this needs to be a need fulfilling action) The boundary of completing the home work links to the praise, it is important that you follow up with the promise in order for the technique to work. The action tells the child that the boundary you set has positive outcomes when the right choices are made. However you should avoid praise that connects a child’s worth to his or her choice or those that reinforce people pleasing. E.g. “you make me happy when you clean your room” focus on how the cooperative behaviour benefits the child not the parent. If the child shows non productive behaviour or disruptive behaviour it is important to have an intervention strategy. This needs to be motivating and offering choices that accommodate the child’s needs for power and autonomy (within limits that protect their need for safety and security) the goal is to get the child to do what they are asked to do. You need to connect what you want and what your child wants for example: “if you tidy your bedroom before the movie starts you can watch it with us”. The motivator (outcome) must be meaningful and need fulfilling to the child. There is also a need for strategies for dealing with counterproductive behaviour. Negative behaviour is usually behaviour that is in some way interfering with someone else’s needs. This may be disrespectful, obnoxious, oppositional or disruptive behaviour. The strategy could be removing or withholding privileges or positive consequences. Holding children accountable for their behaviour. The goal is to stop the negative behaviour and encourage more cooperative choices, building responsibility, accountability and self management. This goal is not punishment or exacting a penalty or revenge. Examples of consequences include: * Remove access to positive consequences until the child has fulfilled their end of the bargain and display cooperative behaviour * Ask the child to change behaviour “please don’t throw the ball in the house” * present positive options “you could take the ball in the garden” * Leave the door open for your child to change the negative behaviour. Give time out to work it out without creating additional problems to others. * Use promises not threats to gain cooperation. “If you put your clothes in the washing basket before you go to bed, I will wash them”. Once known limits have been breached remove or withdraw the privileges immediately until the behaviour has been corrected and the specified times in the original boundary are reached. i.e. no computer for 2 days. Avoid warnings that do not ask why instead ask how the child will correct the issue. Avoid punishing, giving advice or solutions and making excuses for the behaviour. 1.5 Children need to learn self discipline as they are naturally impulsive. Ways to teach self discipline include: * Teach a child to come when they are called, they need to learn that sometimes we must give up what we would like to be doing in order to do something else. * Teach children to respond positively to correction. Learn them that people often have to follow directions which they may not want to do. * Praise children when they demonstrate self control. * Encourage participation in activities that build on self discipline i.e. sports * When a child receives a sticker for their sticker chart explain why they got it * Use bedtime routines and praise a child when they stick to it, it takes allot of self control for a child to stay in bed. * Give the child responsibility i.e. it’s your job to feed the dog in the morning can you get up and do it by 8am. 1.6 It is important that a parent understands their children’s feelings and behaviour in order that they can change the negative or confrontational behaviour. One way to do this is a behaviour diary, this will help you to identify what led up to the behaviour or feelings and if t happens in a specific place or around specific people (identify the trigger). If you can recognise the trigger and high risk situations then it is possible to put strategies in place to manage the situations. 1.7 It is important that parents can assist children to recognise their feelings in order that they can learn how to deal with them in a healthy way. Name the feeling that the child is experiencing “I now you are disappointed you can’t have that toy”. Or “when my dog died I was very sad”. You can also use facial expressions to show feelings. A child can also learn about their feelings by drawing the emotion, or if at an appropriate age they could write about their feelings in a diary or journal, this helps them to identify their feelings and why they feel the way they do. A diary or journal is a good way of recording your feelings and a child can use this method of writing it down and reflecting back on it. If a parent can help a child to recognise their feelings they can also teach them how to manage them in a positive way. “Ok you didn’t get it right this time but you can try it again, what do you need to do differently'” 1.8 We enable parents to identify strategies for them and their children to manage conflict by working with them to look at conflicting situations from all angles. We provide them with strategies though programmes such as Triple P and Family foundations which discourage parents from arguing in front of their children and to keep diaries of what leads up to conflict to try to enable them to resolve the conflict before it has happened, we also help them to look at the activity or “Crime” and ask them to put it into context of how serious it is and what the consequences should be. For example I recently worked with a mom of a 2 year old little boy who was in trouble daily for throwing his cup of drink on the floor, when I was with her at home this happened and it was clear to me the child had dropped the very large cup as his hands were too small to hold it. I explained this to her and provided her with a smaller beaker the next time I visited. We discussed that there was no reason to have a consequence for the accident as it was not deliberate. We also discussed age appropriate behaviour as she commented that he did things to wind her up, when I explained that this was not the case and that she needed to understand that he was learning about boundaries and self control and that he was too young to be expected to know the difference between all rights and wrongs and that she would need to explain and show him good behaviour so he learnt from her she understood. Visiting again 2 weeks later it was clear she had taken on my advice as her manner was much calmer and she had been much better with him in group sessions. 1.9 I have been supporting a family for the past 18 months during group sessions; the child the mom attends group with is two years old and very outgoing and friendly. When the family first came to group it was clear mom was suffering from post natal depression and required additional support however she was initially unwilling to accept the help. Six months ago mom decided she would like a volunteer helper in the home. I completed an initial visit at the home and had concerns about the health and safety of the children as the housing conditions were poor due to the amount of filth, floors were covered in rubbish and pets were not looked after appropriately and the house was like a rubbish tip. An action plan of support was devised and a volunteer would attend twice a week to motivate mom by helping her get started and to help her prioritise and complete the cleaning. Over the first two weeks the whole house was cleaned from top to bottom by volunteers and a cleaning rota was put in place for mom to follow. Mom was also given a risk assessment that advised her of the consequences of living in these conditions outlining the risks to her and the children. Over the following two weeks mom appeared to be keeping up with the rota with only minor concerns. However as the weeks went on the standards began to slip and during a review I advised her that should the standards not be maintained I would have to refer to Social Services as the children were being put at risk. I then went back 2 weeks later as the volunteer raised concerns that during the visits cleaning was being done but then there was no work done outside of the visits and each time the volunteer went there was piles of washing rubbish and now insects under the sofa. When i attended the house on an unannounced visit I was shocked to find the house in a very bad state with beetles under the sofa and sick on the rug covered in sand which had been there since the volunteers visit 3 days ago. The children’s bed linen was dirty and unhygienic and metal can lids from tinned food were strewn on the floor. At this point I advised the parent that I would be completing a record of concern and referring her to social services at which point she said that she thought I was joking and couldn’t believe i was going to as she didn’t agree with my concerns stating “ a bit of dirt didn’t hurt anyone”. When I returned to the office I completed a record of concern form, discussed the case with the designated safeguarding lead and then completed a referral form for Children and Young Peoples Services from their website. (http://www.lscbbirmingham.org.uk/downloads/InterAgencyReferralForm2.pdf) Had I felt there was an immediate danger I would have contacted them by telephone and then followed up with the referral form' After 48 hours I contacted CYPF to check they were auctioning the referral and sending a social worker out and they were. 5.1 by was born.