This_I_Believe_in_Music

THIS I BELIEVE IN MUSIC Life is full of ups and downs. Some may write to work through their challenges; others may talk to someone for support. Growing up in Indianapolis, IN, I’ve faced many of my own battles, and found ways to make the world around me seem to disappear. My escape, my support, my life revolves around music. Ever since I was a little baby, music has been in my life and in my heart. My grandmother would sing Hymnals to me, my parents always had a record playing, and if I needed to relax, Music was there to take me away. I grew up in a home with drugs and alcohol for as long as I can remember. I was young, and a lot of the times I didn’t realize it was wrong or different. I just knew I loved hearing the music playing as I came home from school. My Mother was a stay-at-home Mom, so her days consisted of housework, and when she did these things, she had her records playing. When my Father would come home from a long, hard day of work, he would eat dinner that Mom had prepared for us, and then move to the Living Room where we had our radio and record player, and turn it up. However, there were many days when Dad would come home and there would just be fighting instead. Those were the days I would go to my bedroom and turn up my own music to escape the pain. There was a time when not only music was my lifesaver, but so was my music teacher. When I started 3rd grade, I was in my 5th elementary school, but this time would be different. We moved into a house that was directly next door to the school, and it was finally a permanent place for my family to stay. I loved school, and loved music class even more. The teacher became like a mother to me, and would take me on field trips and special camps. Now that I look back, I know it’s because she knew of my family situation and took me in under her wings to protect me. I was in as many musical things as I was allowed by the school system, including dance, choir and orchestra. When it came time for me to move on to Middle School, the teacher continued to stay in contact with me, letting me come to the elementary school to assist in after-school activities, field trips and camps still. When I moved on to High School, however, my family moved to the other side of town. I tried very hard to stay in touch, but it just wasn’t possible. So I wrote her a letter saying how much I loved her and appreciated all she had done not only for myself, but for so many other students in the same situations at home as I was. I do have contact with her now as an adult, and to this date, she still has that letter in her top desk drawer. In High School, life was tough but music was my getaway. I was in so much during my 4 years there, that I never was home during the evenings or weekends, which was perfect for me. I was in Choir, Show/Dance Choir, Concert Choir, Piano and Orchestra. Music is what gave me a reason to go to school, and is what saved me in my home life. With my parents alcoholism getting worse, I noticed my younger brother becoming more aggressive as well. I knew it was just a matter of time before he would be like them, too. I wanted to be there for my family, to help them break the habits, but knew if I did I would be risking my life. So I buried myself in my music studies day in and day out. My Senior year, a horrible announcement was made. The school system was cutting out the music funding after our graduation. Sure, I wasn’t going to be there anymore, but how could they do that' What about the other children who were participates in the programs' What if they needed it like I did' Many of us students fought hard to keep music in our school, and in the end, it worked. Orchestra and Piano was cut out, but there was still the many other classes being offered, which we felt was better than nothing at all. I left my Senior year June of 1995 a very proud student of my High School. After graduation, I decided not to go directly into college, but to start a family instead. Children have also been a very big part of my heart, and it just felt right. So my High-School sweetheart and I married in February 1996, and we were expecting our first child in September! We were so ecstatic to have our baby girl coming soon. I read every book available, did everything to ensure she would be a happy, healthy baby. While I was pregnant, I had a set of headphone which I would place on my stomach and play symphonies for her, which she loved very much, as she kicked along to the beats. Even in the womb, my little girl enjoyed music and I felt so blessed. Once Kaitlyn was born, music again would be a savior to me. Kaitlyn Nicole was born with a rare heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, (meaning “born with half a heart, basically). She spent her life in Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis. We were blessed to watch our little baby girl grow strong, but for every day she was strong, there were two days that she was very weak. I wanted music in her room at all times, but that’s not allowed on a NICU floor. So we were moved to a private room and allowed to play music whenever we wanted. This made Kaitlyn’s stats even out, and my nerves relax. We were thrilled to learn that Kaitlyn was strong enough to go home finally after so many surgeries and battles. But that day would never come. Kaitlyn passed away when she was 8 weeks old while at the hospital. The nurses and staff were playing her lullabies when we arrived to the hospital, because they knew that’s what I would want for her. I held her, rocking her, and sang to her as she drifted off to earn her angel wings. Music was my comforter as my little girl left me forever. My parents were still having a hard time with their addictions, and my husband was working as many hours as possible to get through our loss. I buried myself in music, listening and writing as much as I could. Never before had music been so important in my life as it was then. After a few years, we decided to try again to have a family. We suffered a miscarriage, but were urged not to give up. So after a few months, we were blessed with a beautiful young daughter named Chloe Noel. Chloe is my shining star. She is extremely talented in music, and she makes me so very proud. She has sung every year at her schools’ talent shows. Whenever she’s allowed to perform at the local festivals, she does. At church, she’s shares her talent every service. And starting this school year, her first year of Junior High, she is learning to play the Clarinet. The gift of music lives on in my daughters’ heart, and I couldn’t be happier. I also have a son, Austin Thomas, but he’s not into music like his sister. However, he likes to make fun of songs Chloe and I sing and make up new ones that are silly, so that counts, I suppose. Music continues to thrive in our family. Sadly, my mother passed away from Cirrhoses of the Liver. She was clean and sober in the months before her passing, and knowing her time was coming soon, she picked what was to be played at her “Life Celebration Ceremony”. She decided on music that we would remember forever, that’s always been in our hearts since we were children. I just smile and tear up every time I hear the songs on the radio, because I know it’s her singing to me. My father is also sober, now, and has been for 6 years. He has never let his love of music go away, either. Now that his children are adults and have moved out on our own, our former bedrooms are his music rooms. When we go home for visits, I just love to sit in my former bedroom and remember what good times we did have as a family, sitting around listening, dancing, and singing to the music in our lives. Music is a part of everyday life. It brings you up when you are down, makes the day pass when it seems to go by slowly, helps people sleep when they are restless. It’s even been proven to help little ones relax when they’re scared. Music can do so much for so many, and I can’t imagine a world without it. Music is a huge part of my life, and I don’t know where I would be without it.