Student_Feedback_Com156

Associate Level Material – Aniekan Idiong Appendix J Revision Analysis Feedback Received List the details provided in your feedback under each of the following categories. |Revisions What changes you will make to revise your paper based on this feedback' Explain your answer. | |Example The instructor indicated that my research paper should not be written in first person. |Example I will go through each page of my paper and remove the use of first person. I will rewrite each sentence properly in third person. I will also review the material in the Center for Writing Excellence that will help me better understand how to use third person correctly. | |Instructor Feedback 1. The instructor indicated that I need an APA formatted title page and abstract. 2. The instructor indicated that I needed to cite more of my sources 3. The instructor indicated that I need to remove the word “etc.” because it is informal. 4. The instructor indicated that when using the term “aboriginal” I need to tell who these people are. 5. The instructor indicated that the use of the “indigenous” was being over used. 6. The instructor indicated that there are some errors in grammar and sentence structure. |I will refer back to the Center for Writing Excellence APA Style Guide to get proper instruction for creating a proper title page. Also, for the abstract, I will write a brief summary that will immediately follow my title page. The abstract will be no more than 150 to 250 words. When it comes to citing more of my sources, I will go back and properly cite them in APA format. Furthermore, I will go through my paper and remove any use of the word “etc.” and add more of what I am referring to in that particular sentence. In addition to this I will have to depict and better explain who the “aboriginal” are. I will also try to change up the terminology used in my paper. Furthermore, I will carefully look over my paper for spelling and grammar errors, so that I may properly revise them. | |WritePointSM Feedback 1. It indicates that I need to change or remove the word being because it is used in the wrong context. 2. It suggests for me to change the phrase “in spite of” to despite. 3. It also suggests that I remove a comma after an “also” in one area of the paper. 4. It suggests that I remove the word “different” that follows the word several. 5. It suggests that I add “an” between “in” and “effort” |When it comes to the word “being” I will try to change the sentence around to make everything fit properly or I will replace the word with something else. As far as “in spite of” and the word despite, they mean the same thing, so I do not believe I will be changing anything there. I will remove the comma after the word “also”, however, I am not sure of what change that makes. Also, I will be removing the word “different” that follows “several” because it is made apparent “if you have several then they are surely different.” Finally, I will add “an” between “in” and “effort because it is a single effort. | |Plagiarism Checker 1. It indicated that there are four sentences that have been plagiarized. 2. 1. 1. |I will carefully go back and quote and cite the sentence, “the Europeans’ strategies of targeting American Indian children for assimilation began with violence.” I will also go back and paraphrase and cite the sentence, “the disease were caused by their close living quarters with domesticated animals such as pigs, cows, sheep, goats, and horses.” The other two sentences, I believe, have been properly cited. | |