Sleeping_Beauty_Poem

“You’re dumping me'!” he screamed in rage, “But we’ve been together for such an age!” “I’m sorry but the blatant truth Your randiness is so uncouth.” Beauty’s dude was mortified His eyes ablaze, his mouth was wide. “I put on you a curse!” he cried, “You’ll sleep until the day you die! Until a bloke more fit that me Snogs your face and sets you free!” As Beauty’s body hit the floor She saw him running for the door She screamed, her body writhed in spasm “You’re puny, I faked every orgasm!” The ambulance comes, the sirens drone, Poor Beauty’s body turns to stone, Medics rush her into bed; Her mother waits, face etched with dread. The doctor comes and delivers the news, “A coma, I’m afraid, brought on by booze.” “My daughter!'” mum yelled, “an alcoholic' Sure, she often loved to frolic, But test again, and you will see, That she’s as sober as can be! Sorry to be such a bugger, But she drinks tea with milk and sugar!” Hands on hips Doc stood perplexed, For he was absolutely hexed. “How can it be this gorgeous girl Has drank enough to make her hurl, When you claim all she drinks is tea Tell me mum, how can this be!'” Beauty’s mum looked fit to cry, But before she’d managed to reply There sounded an almighty din And Beauty’s ex came crashing in! “I’m sorry!!” he sobbed, “I confess It’s my fault she’s in such a mess! You might as well go fire your nurse, For I have placed on her a curse To sleep until the day she’ll die Unless she finds a decent guy. The only way to end all this, Is to gain from her true love a kiss.” Beauty’s mum sighs, “Thanks for that! You always were a total prat!” “You’ll pay for what you’ve done!” she squalls, And kicks him right between his balls. She left him squirming on the floor, Went and walked straight out the door. She couldn’t care for his lamb chop, As she was hunting for a shop. After walking round and round, A newsagents was finally found. And there she searched, she found and paid For every newspaper displayed. For hours she sat at home and dialled, The lonely hearts ads she’d compiled. To every lonely man she pleads, “Maybe it’s you my daughter needs!'” Bachelors flocked from high and low, Desperate to give Sleeping Beauty a go. Many came to break the hex, Whilst others just came hoping for.... companionship! Beauty’s mum sat and watched in shame, As her daughter was snogged by guys so lame It made her cringe to see them fail, All her efforts to no avail. Just as she’d almost given in, Piles of papers in the bin, In popped a man with just a body and head, “I’m completely ‘armless”, the poor man said. “No arms no legs, can you not see That I’m as perfect as can be! I can’t run away, I’ll never beat her, And I will never be a cheater! The problem is I have no hips, Could you please lift me to her lips'” Mum stood there thinking rather bleak: “How can I let her date this freak!' Of all the ugly looking guys I have the worst before my eyes!” The man sat waiting for the answer, “Please hurry up, I’ve also cancer!” Mum shrugged her shoulders and faked a smile, “Sure, why not, you can have a trial.” And with this she lifted the torso high Setting him down on Beauty’s thigh. “She’s beautiful,” he said aloud, “To kiss her lips I’d be so proud. He shuffled up onto her paunch, Smiled, and then began to launch Himself towards her bottom lip, Letting out an almighty yip! Beauty’s eyes began to flutter Her mouth ajar, she coughed and spluttered, “Oh mum, is this some kind of joke'! This cannot be my ideal bloke!” The little man looked quite distressed, He opened his mouth to request: “Pardon me for being so rude, But may I interrupt this feud' As I was the one who broke the hex My reward should be to now have.... companionship!” “Aww, that’s so sweet!” Beauty said, “It even made my cheeks go red! Actually you’re rather cute, Sorry I was such a brute.” With that she clambered out of bed, And picked up the sweet body and head. All the way to the church she carried Her man so they could there get married. And they lived happily ever after, In a life of frolicking, and laughter.