Sexual_Assualt

It is time for the silence surrounding sexual assault to be shattered! Today we gather so we can shatter the silence and declare freedom and bring awareness about sexual assault. It is time for sexual assault to end. Healing can be found for all victims. Sexual assault can rob even the strongest person of their gifts and graces. It is a robbery that can take a lifetime to overcome.  My own story is like many others: I am not alone! I am not a therapist. I don't have any specialized training or qualifications: I am a survivor! I was silent for years. When I finally shared my tragedy with my father he ignored it. He left me in the situation – he abandoned me and left me in the man’s house who had been abusing me. I withdrew into myself and for years did not have the memories of the events that took place in that home. Those events wrote on the slate of whom I am and created a sense of fear and caused me to trust no one. After my mother passed away and I went to live with my father I was angry. I hated him. I wanted to be anywhere but in his house. He left me to be abused and suffer. As I became a teenager he and his second wife divorced and he left me alone to fend for myself as he began dating again. In order to survive I would go to friends and boyfriends houses for meals and so that I wouldn’t be alone but this couldn’t always be the situation because these friends had families of their own and I was often left to myself. Sometimes at night I would go to a city park so that I wouldn’t be alone in my house. I ran into a guy I had known from school for years. He always seemed nice. As it got later he started touching me and I immediately became uncomfortable because of my past. I have never liked being touched very much. It has taken me years to deal with that issue. I tried to pull away from him and let him know I didn’t want to be involved with him that way but it didn’t seem to matter to him. The more I tried to pull away the more he held me down. I felt horrible. I felt like I had done something wrong. I felt like I was damaged goods. For years after that, I was always afraid to say no. I had learned that what I wanted didn’t seem to matter. I became my own abuser and acted out in ways that were self destructive and even attempted suicide on a couple of occasions. I eventually married a man that I thought would never be “one of those guys” but a few years into the marriage his behaviors changed and he became very abusive as well. Just because we were married did not give him the right to do whatever he wanted to me whenever he wanted. Eventually, when I knew I could no longer survive on my own, I reached out for help. I found Beth the counselor at Cross Timbers. I soon realized that I was giving my power away and I could also take it back. With Beth’s help I was able to leave that abusive marriage, and begin the healing process! I went back to school and finished my bachelor’s degree, started my own business and will be finishing my Masters degree in August. I answered a personal calling to reach out to others and be seen! I wanted to tell my story so that others can see they are not alone and that there are people out there who can and will help! We do not have to suffer alone in silence! Survivors have all went through a traumatic violation of the mind, body and spirit -- and, most importantly, we survived! Our cries and voices need to be heard -- by breaking the silence we can bring an end to abuse. We are victims no more.