Satirical_Essay

The loud crack of thunder startled Officer Hollowpoint awake. He slowly rolled over, and opened one sleepy eye as he gazed out the window at the thrashing trees and pellets of rain. “Another great day on the job!” he thought, as he slowly climbed out of his bed and stumbled to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, anxious to get out the door early so he could stop by Shipley’s before heading to his domain. Officer Hollowpoint had the unique charge of supervising the stop sign at the corner of Main street and Flower Avenue. He took his job seriously, knowing that what happened at his stop sign could impact the entire town, probably the world. Today however, was a special day. Officer Hollowpoint loved rainy days because of the many extra chances he gets to catch filthy law-breakers. As he dressed in his law enforcement uniform, strapping on his wide black belt, complete with his two whistles, he thought of all the reasons he loved rainy days. Primarily, it was because traffic was always congested, making everyone late. When people were late they tended to roll through HIS stop sign and anything less than a complete stop for three seconds was a cause for action. Officer Hollowpoint loved hearing all the excuses; everything from kids late for school, I have an appointment, to my wife is in labor. What these people seemed to forget, was they were supposed to stop. Period. Driving is dangerous enough as it is, and people driving carelessly on slick roads is like finding gold to Officer Hollowpoint Like the time last week, when the fire truck blasted right through the intersection, sirens blaring, not even a tap on their brakes. It took nearly an hour to chase them down, and despite their protestations, they were issued a citation and a lecture on safety by the officer. Today however, little did Officer Hollowpoint know that he would be writing the ticket of the year. He pulled up in his normal spot near the dumpster down Flower Avenue, and was just biting into a crème filled donut when it happened. The white Explorer with chrome rims and subwoofers that could cause an earthquake flew past Officer Hollowpoint the stop sign, and off the road into a tree, then proceeded to roll into a 15ft ditch. After collecting himself and smearing the crème filling into his polyester pants, Officer Hollowpoint took off towards the scene at a gallop. When he approached the ditch, flustered and thrilled, he didn’t know what citation to begin writing. Speeding, running a stop sign, wreckless driving, noise violations, the list could go on and on. What a dirt-bag must be behind the wheel of this use-to-be-slab, he thought disgustedly as he called for back- up. As the driver and his companion struggled to extricate themselves from the mangled vehicle, with airbags complicating their efforts, Officer Hollowpoint began verbal threats to not move a muscle- supported by a rock in each hand. The hoodlums froze in terror, and began crying and begging for mercy. As the back up arrived, Officer Hollowpoint began explaining to his superiors about the car running the stop sign and the severity of this incident only to be interrupted. It turns out, the passengers of the vehicle were the bank robbers announced on the police band radio only minutes before. Long thought as a nuisance and laughing stock on the police force, Officer Hollowpoint proved himself worthy of their respect.