Psychology_as_a_Science

Am I sick or is it just catching' Thursday, 31 July 2003 Writing a letter to myself…Christ I must be going donkey mad! I’ve never kept a poxy diary in my life, except for this one time when Cronin and me first arrived in East Hampton/New York. We managed to keep it going for about 3 days, before better times began to take up our time. But that’s a tale for another day. Diary’s are for people like Adrian Mole and his fuckin’ type, I’m too old or young or cool or something, I’m not supposed to anyway and I know that for sure, n’anyways….…….! But then you gotta think; supposed to according to who, or what or why or who bleedin’ for' You’re not the boss of me now, but then who fuckin' is' (Oi! Teacher, leave those kids alone!) Wise old men, grandparents and crazy people all say life is supposed to be more fun when you get to my age and older and I would most certainly agree but it also gets a lot more fucking complicated. So the way I see it is that in this the “Information Society” we need to manage this information properly. Apply this to all the thoughts and bullshit doin’ loops inside your head and soon enough you might be able to sort it into a filing cabinet of some sort. From here one can then work and give the appearance of being a respectable 9-5 citizen of sound mind, body, soul, interests, appearance, behaviour, etc. fuck off you wankers I’ll do what I like Mary, it’s okay Paddy! What’s it got to do with you anyway''' See now' That’s what happens when I don’t manage my thoughts. I ask too many questions and try to do too many things at once and end up getting very confused and getting nothing done. Thus, just like I told you, it’s a very fucking complicated world at my age and it’ll probably get even more twisted too!!! And so I’m keeping a diary to save me from the demons of insanity and so that we may always go forward and only remember to look backwards every now and then. And in the words of ‘The Islandman’ Tomas O’ Crohan; “…to set down the character of the people about me so that some record of us might live after us, for the like of us will never be again.” (Thank you Sean Culligan, the best Irish Teacher and mentor a kid could have.) So the question now, is how exactly to answer each of our questions'! Thus, it could be a daily question in the diary, or perhaps even weekly, maybe this is even complicated enough to do one monthly. That’s it! “Questions Monthly” by Granpa Guigsy. One question at a time, that way we won’t get confused, we’ll answer the questions and get things done. That’ll sort your head out Paddy! Fuck Off Mary! Did you ever get your hole, d’yever get your hole, d’yever get your whole weeks wages'…No! Friday, 01 August 2003 Is modern life rubbish' Fuck it! We’ll just do them as they come up cos I can’t be assed trying to answer that now! I probably sound like an arrogant little fucker who thinks he knows everything about life right now, but that is not my intention. I in fact know very little and am merely trying to figure things out for myself, that’s all. The best place to start then has got to be with introducing to my diary, who the hell I am and who my family and friends are. Thus, my name is Kieran Farrell of Rathfarnham Park, Dublin, Ireland. I’m 23 years of age. Currently sharing a gaff with Therese (Mammy), Aido (Daddy), Laura (24), Aoife (21) and my little bro, Liamo (19) and like a lot of blokes my age, dying to leave the nest! Did the Leaving Cert in 1999 and went to DCU to study European Business with Spanish. Unfortunately however, I loved the college and made some great friends but detested many parts of my course such as Maths, Economics and Accounting resulting in me falling at the first hurdle - exams. Did my best to stay without doing a tap of work. My record for sitting in the canteen drinking coffee and having chats was 5 hours straight. Of course I went in all the time, my problem was attending lectures, ever. Stuck at it till bout April and then Harry Bailed and sat round my gaff till July. Got me a job teachin English with EF in Blackrock, did a bit of substitute primary school teachin before that and then went for some much needed career guidance. Social Science in UCD came up trumps and so I began in D4 v’s Boggers, Baby Pink and Blue Girls, Roysch Rugby Hall – the Orts Block. That went grand, few hiccups, but did the degree in the required three years, played in the Soccer Super League under the name of Goal Machine (4 goals as striker all first season…I assisted a lot though!), joined the Mountaineering Club and did rock climbing for a year and a bit, great laugh etc. etc. With that I graduated in September with a 2.2 honours degree while on a road trip round California with my mate Maco. This brings me to the lads. Most of them were in school with me in Terenure College, there are others and not all were friends in school, but they’re the most unlikely group of friends, the weirdest blokes goin, but the best…ahh…shut the fuck up Mary! It’s difficult to know where to start cos most of them would probably get annoyed that it wasn’t them, so seeing as we have already mentioned Maco, he’s number one. Maco lives round the corner, sharing a gaff with Mary (Mammy) and Eamo (Daddy) Niall (21ish), Ronan (16ish) and Niamh (12ish). Just did his 2.1 (1st in thesis) Business degree in Aungier St., where he was king of the monkeys. He became Clubs and Socs Officer for a year while another of the lads, Paulie Malone, took the position of President – Scammers, but in a nice way (The Stripper’s Ball)! So Maco’s about 22, real tall and kind of skinny, but powerful, he plays Gaelic with Balinteer St. Johns. A complete, forward planning lunatic who’s slightly shy but so cool its for real! Paulie is a wheeler-dealer straight from the streets of Dundalk, bout 21, been to Glastonbury 4 times so we went with him this time as care assistants. Didn’t really know him before San Diego but I do now, so I’ll just let you find out about him like I did – as time goes by! Know him previously as Cronin and Maco’s friend from college who was in Toronto with us and was President of Angier St.’s Student Union for a year and now finishing final year of Business degree – will be a millionaire! Cronin (22), I’ve known this pig since one of my first days in secondary school, and hope I never don’t know him! He had unfortunately left San Diego for a knee operation just before I headed over and he wasn’t able to make it back. He’s been my roomy for the last two summers in Toronto and East Hampton NY, and also attends classes for a business degree in Aungier St. Knows Maco through me and other lads we grew up with and also left us for a 2 year stint in school in Limerick. Shares accommodation with Big Mick (Daddy), Lynno (Stepmammy), Mark (24ish) and Dee (19ish) in Terenure. Dee is also best mates with my little bro Liamo. Knows all the Terenure College lads and a whole lot more. I fuckin love you Gumbo! He’s a looker for real now, a hit with the ladies I tell you sonny boy!!! That’s better, I was getting sleepy there, got some music now so rise and shine my sister (with the Cardigans). Next is Coffey (23) I guess, know him as long as Cronin and they know each other even longer. Lives also in Terenure, formerly Knocklyon, with Mary (Mammy) and little bro Gerard (20ish) who also is mates with Liamo and Dee. Sisters, Mary (26ish) and Jenny (24ish) live with boyfriends and Gerry (Daddy) runs a G.P. surgery. Nicest rugby player and person you’ll ever know, great for getting blocked and havin chats. Girlfriend of 4 years Emma, one of my favourites of all the lad’s birds, lives at home in Rathgar and is also coming on holidays and always does. She did Leisure Management in DIT and is a proper lady. Coffey I love you too much! Then there’s one of my favourite people, Carl Flynner who lives with Lee (Mammy), Noelle (Daddy) and Fake Twin in the Attic (23). Know since school and forever, had joint 18th and 21 birthdays, he’s the 22nd and I’m the 3rd of February. Has to be one of the most panned and intelligent people in the Earth with just as deep a voice. Used to watch Jeopardy an awful lot so he’s the man to text when you have one of those questions you know you know the answer to but just can’t remember. Also got the highest points in the history of our school for some intelligence DATS test so folks, he’s not just a pretty face! Girlfriend of 3 years Aoife comes on holidays also and is my best loved gossip spreader queen. Great for chats and loves getting locked too, studies Business in Tallaght. Saturday, 02 August 2003 So yes its supposed to be today but for real it’s the tenth of October, and I’m sitting in my bedroom, at my desk in Rathfarnham Park. It’s about two in the morning and I’ve just been out playin snooker with Coffey, Beds and Flynner in Rathmines. After that we went for a sit in Bushy Park, and now since I’ve mentioned Beds (23), I guess we’ll talk about him. Know him since early school and he’s also my second cousin. He lives with my oul one’s first cousin Maire (Mammy), Eoin (Daddy), Aisling (26), Paddy (24) Kate (16), Lizzy (10) and Neil (29) drives a TOS van and is a lunatic, all have infested Knocklyon. Yes, there are lots of ‘beds’ in that house!!!!!! (Sorry) So Beds is the kind of person that’s always extremely happy, unless of course he’s got nobody to drink with, great for chats and really knows what’s goin on. Plays soccer and tennis, did Integrated Maintenance Technology (had to make a rhyme up to remember the name of that!) in Bolton Street and doing engineering now. Bird of 4 years, Maisy, doesn’t ever come on the holidays but is a really nice girl, very shy though, or maybe we’re just loud. When I heard Beds was goin to be in San Diego I was well happy, however, I later heard that he had a job in a brewery teaching tourists how to make home brew, which for Beds can only mean an arresting development with the SDPD or losing the job before he even knew he had a hang over! Ginko (23), is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, only you’ve got to get to know him first as he is a small bit mad!!! I only started hangin around with Ginner after the Leaving cert when we went inter-railing with the lads and to be honest I didn’t really get to know him until we went to East Hampton last year. Shares a gaff with Ann (Mam) and Conker (21). Aoife, his gorgeous little sister, sadly passed away while he was in San Diego. She had suffered with Cerebral Palsy for ten years and as far as I could tell, never looked happier than when she saw Ginner coming into the room messin and chattin with her. Ginko’s just finished Business in Tallaght and is currently in between jobs, like myself!! Courts Laura Pomfreto who’s also been to East Hampton to visit us, curious girl, loud, but lovely!!! Lizard’s next (22), aka Little Cian. Soundest lizard goin and has a head on his shoulders too, smart like a wise old Chinaman!!! Know him same way as Ginner, lives with Anne (Mam), Scitzo (Dad), Saoirse (9) and two other littlish girls (20 and 16). Studyin in Waterford now, was in Bolton Street and has dated Vicki for years. She’s a lovely wee girl and some might say she likes the trousers! Cian plays soccer with Beddy too and they’re both little Man United fuckers! Has a real close family I reckon, not that we don’t but he likes doin stuff with them, which is cool, his sisters look up to him higher than Mount Everest, though he only measures about five foot!!! Bit of a legend really, I only wish he’d ring us more and come out all the time! Smythy (23) then, bit of a pickle really and one of the coolest characters you’ll come across. Studied Engineering in Limerick (1st), and now does a post-grad in Film at UCD. Was our school captain in Terenure. Teachers all loved him! Got to know him inter- railing but he didn’t really hang round with us much after that. Coffey and him are real good mates. So he came to San Diego and really glad he did. Girlfriend, Fiona is a mad laugh, but you’d wanna see how hard it is to stop Smythy from getting arrested when she’s not around!!! There’s a little devil man that lives within him and only shows it’s ugly face when his Bebe (Fiona) ain’t around and he’s been drinkin a wee bit! Back livin with his parents now and I’m guessin he’s sick of them naggin already. Real smart bloke too, he pretty much organised the whole inter-railing trip, yes, this one will go far!!! Then there’s Attard (22) of course. Know him pretty much the same way I do Smythy. Loves beer and beer bongs, America, wrestling and films like Animal House. In fact he could be quite accurately described as a Maltese Beer Junkie. Shares accommodation in Templeogue with his Mammy and Daddy and I’m pretty sure he has a sister or two as well. Everyone that knows Attard, knows he’s dangerous to try and match drink for drink, especially when he drinks bong after bong of beer, but then again, perhaps I’m just getting boring and old! Studies music production in Dublin somewhere, but I wreckon college is just a front for an illegal home brew export company he runs down at the bottom of his garden!!! There were also a few people livin with us that hadn’t been away with us before or hadn’t been to school with us. One of these is hound dog Skinny (22). Think the story was that he’s mates with Ginners brother and he met the lads in the airport. Himself and friend Steo were going to America, and that was all they had planned, so seeing as they were flyin to San Diego, the lads invited them along for the summer. As with Paulie (and as I’m not really assed explainin much more…) I’m just gonna let you get to know Skinny Rossa the same way I did – with the passage of time! Spud (23) I didn’t know either. He’s a friend of Paulie, Cronin and Maco, thus he was always going to San Diego with the lads. Himself and Paulie ended up livin with the lads in one of the gaffs and really, it made the summer more interesting than just living with people you already know. A real character, but likes people to do things his way or not at all, sound though. Of course however, I must let you get to know him yourselves just like I did – as time kept rollin’ by! Finally, there were two more Irish travellers bound for San Diego with the same mission as the hundreds of others headin over…infestation! These two go by the names of Andrea Wall (my ex-girlfriend) and Vaso Small. Brilliant girls, Vaso pretty much always comes away with us and is so panned it’s unreal. Andrea, I met for the first time in East Hampton and is slightly louder than Val. Both are friends with the rest of the girls i.e. Aoife, Jimmy, Pomfreto and Vicstains. And just so as you know, an old friend and neighbour of mine warned me about holidays with ex-birds before I left! Now this didn’t bother me really, but the numbers of Irish goin did. Hence, me only goin for 5 weeks plus I didn’t want to miss Glastonbury. I really didn’t want to live in a little Irish community cos last year we got to know loads of Mexicans and Americans and I think we had a better summer for that reason amongst others! Sunday, 03 August 2003 Thank fuck I got to the end of that, I was so close to quittin this diary, as you most likely were yourself. Anyway, as far as I can remember I was in Rathmullan bout this time. Most people we know up there surface for none other than the August Bank Holiday and Regata Day. This is usually one of the sickest weekends of the year and this was one of the filthiest in decades. People are supposed to sail boats etc. but due to the lack of wind and fine weather, combined with the people’s keen interest in their hobby (Alcohol), not much sailing was done that weekend! As a small and not untypical example of how seriously people take their hobby up there, one Sean McArthur, captain of the boat and responsible for the lives of his crew, jumped ship in the middle of the race in the middle of the Swilly. With that he swam back to the pontoon to avail of the people’s generosity, hospitality and free booze in exchange for nothing more than a chat and a bit of ‘banter’. Monday, 04 August 2003 I have to tell you all something now, I can’t be assed telling you about every day from now until myself and Ginner left so let’s just do a quick little sum up and get to the actual holiday itself. Believe me it’s worth it and as I keep sayin, diaries are hard little bastards to keep so tits to this week. I stayed drinkin in Rathmullan till about Tuesday/Wednesday and got a lift back to Dublin with a friend I’d been seein a bit. Planned on takin things easy when I got back home but Cronin was back from San Diego for an operation on his knee and it was Andy’s 21st in RiRa that night. So that pretty much wrote the week off for more drinkin and smoking, hangin around in my back garden havin water fights and goin on insane car journeys to I don’t remember where. Brilliant fun though and during the days I managed to get organised for our departure on Sunday morning…COME ON IRELAND!!! Had a great week anyway, callin into people to say goodbye and takin orders for presents – bastards, it’s not like I have a job!!! Ginner and myself were flyin over on Sunday at about 4 in the morning and nobody knew when we were arriving, as he wanted to surprise his bird…ahh! So it was decided that we’d drink in his the night before and Ann would give us a lift to the airport cos she was missin Ginner already! Couldn’t wait to get away! (No offence Dublin) Yes and now I remember why it had been a sick week you see, my parents were on leave! So I packed my bags, rang my oul pair to say goodbye as they were still in Donegal and legged it to Ginko’s. Shamon mutha fuka!!! Draft 2 – The Holiday Itself - as it unfolded! Gomez – Bring it on – Tijuana Lady Take me down to where you hide, Lay me down, lay me down inside, What use now, hold back this Pacific tide. Tijuana Lady where did you go, yeah, I been chasin’ you around old Mehico, yeah, Gonna find my way back to San Diego. Baby, where d’you hide' Take me down to where you hide, Play me around; leave me all your sadness Make no sound cos I know you’ll lie. Tijuana Lady lets take it slow, I know that I’m no head honcho, Gonna, keep you warm in my silky poncho. Tijuana Lady where did you go' I heard you lost a last sombrero Tijuana Lady which way d’you flow' I’m an el mariachi desperado. Where d’you hide' Tell me, where d’you hide' Enchilada desperado days Senorita come back and meet me again Buena vista, senorita yeah I love you, so come back and be with me again! So Beddy and his beard wreckon this song is possibly about drugs, however, I would say it’s got to do with pure love, but perhaps quite unrequited!! Who cares Mary…Fuck Off! Sunday, 10 August 2003 And so it begins…I’m sittin on the patio in Thomas Ave., cup of tea, no milk, Paulie in bed, Attard and Clare watching Red Dragon inside…Fuckin’ lovely! Ginko and myself left Dublin yesterday at 4.30am and hit the airport by 5. Ann probably thinks I’m a mess as I was a bit of a drunken, messy slob on the back seat. Hadn’t been to bed, couldn’t see the point so drank wine and had a few spliffs in Ginners with Cronin and Slicko. Anyway, boarded plane bout 7, got to Heathrow by 8, sorted shit out and went for a pint at 9. The two of us felt like rancid rashers due to the week in Donegal, Andy’s birthday (21st) and Cronin’s return for his knee operation. Hope he can get back over! Flight from London at 11.20am and now felt like the maggots on the rashers. How are ya Paddy, fuck off Mary! Couldn’t hack any more so took sleepin tablets and that did the job nicely – Ginner stopped fuckin elastic bands down the aisle at the other passengers! Arrived in San Diego by 3 after 11 sick hours. Got to Thomas Ave. by 5 (Thomas is the road the lad’s gaff is on.) and started drinkin –lovely – nice one Paddy! Surprised everyone as they weren’t expectin us until Tuesday. Got more beer and went to Kendall (the other gaff with the rest of the lads). Can’t explain how happy Laura was to see Ginner – Savage! Everyone slowly arrived back from work and we were over the moon to see them all – more beer. Paulie is sortin an ounce for tomorrow and Smythy has pencilled in with Maco. Not sure what to think of people and place yet. Amazin to be here and out of Dublin but too tired to make any decisions, thus it’s best left ‘till later. Have heard all sorts of stories bout people and the place – good and bad, only heard though!!! All seem cool! Plan is for about 14 of us to head to Vegas tomorrow. Frank – American rocker band friend, only heard good stories about him – sorted out the presidential suite in the Hard Rock Hotel for us. He got it for free too – Legend! How are ya Mary, fuck off Paddy – too much beer, not enough sleep – I fuckin love you Gumbo. See ya tomorrow! Afterthought… Still feel weird bout keeping a ‘diary’; it’s a mad game for Brussels sprouts. See, especially now some of the lads know, they don’t think I’ll have the bottle to finish it. Can’t blame them either cause I always have these mad ideas and even if I do eventually start them, I rarely finish them…Last year I wanted to be a field anthropologist for fuck sake. No offence to any field anthropologists, I think it’s a great sport and still might do it some day, but new ideas just keep pushin the previous ones out of my little head. Mum calls it lazy, but maybe I just lack the motivation!!! Who knows' Who cares' Fuck off Mary! Monday, 11 August 2003 Odd how they can sit and watch that stuff on the TV – all that Jerry Springer shite. Granted it’s probably not sunny enough for the beach but I just can’t stand it. Paulie doesn’t seem to have much time for it either, he’s reading ‘Stupid White Men’ by Michael Moore – can’t wait to have a go. Most of us are just hangin around, passin the time till we head to Vegas tonight – fuckin lovely! Lost my passport yesterday. I’m some gobshite sometimes. Rang bus and trolley people – no luck – have to ring back on Wednesday. Have tried looking round the gaff but I don’t think it wants to be found so I’ll leave it be till Wednesday. It’s bound to turn up. Kind of overcast today – sittin out in shorts though so happy days – I won’t be one-quarter sallow for much longer!!! Still didn’t get much sleep last night. Slept in Kendall for an hour then came home about 1am – wrote diary and drank tea as you already know. Tried to kip then but it’s hotter than Africa over here – couches and floors do not make for good kippin so I took another sleepin tablet about 5am and tried to kip on the lazy boy. Spud and two birds arrived back bout 5 so chatted to them for a while and we tried to get the birds to do a sex show – unlucky – they said no! Slept then till about ten – went to the shop for milk and noodles for breakfast after which Paulie and myself went walkabout. Dropped in photos from Dublin, bought a chicken, asked Subway for some free mayonnaise but they were all like no way and we were like way, so we nicked stuff from Jack in the Box instead. (Jack in the Box is another fast food chain like McDonalds.) Rang home then, wanted to see how Liamo, my little bro, got on in his repeats. He said it went better than most people but he ain’t sure. Rang Mum in Donegal – she’s crazy – Dec and Pauline (Uncle and Auntie) are stayin with them so they’d been out fishin. She’s happy I’m happy. Fuckin love her! …Odd how they are in this country…‘The Good Girl’ – a film with Jennifer Anniston is on the box and there’s a closing line that goes as follows - “Maybe we can all learn a lesson from this, like don’t steal and don’t be disturbed.” I mean, what the fuck sort of message is that, just watch the film and you’ll see! I can’t get no sleep…it’s 6.30pm…been sittin round the gaff most of the day. Started drinkin a while ago and it’s now 10.50pm. Just had a bottle of wine and the rest are in bed before we head to Vegas. Seriously though, I can’t understand all this TV watchin. All the girls are watchin ‘Just Shoot Me’, which is egg fuckin zactly what everyone in the room was thinking! Thus, I’ve got the lads to play Card Pot Flick – i.e. Flickin cards from the couch into a pot that’s placed equidistant from us all. The aim is to get the cards in the pot. When one gets one in everyone else has to have a swig of their drink – How are ya Paddy' Fuck off Mary! The winner is the person who gets the most cards in the pot and the loser has to pick up all the cards. Fuckin wish I could smash the TV though, it’s the root of all zombies. I can understand watchin a decent movie, but TV…In ainm De!!! Tuesday, 12 August 2003 – Vegas Baby Why, in order to stop death on Irish roads, did we have to threaten drivers with points on their licence to get them to slow down and stop drinking' Was the thought of killing somebody not bad enough'! And we call Americans crazy! Sick!! Wednesday, 13 August 2003 – Vegas Baby Glorious times are these! It’s the morning after our night and day in Vegas. We’re dripping all over the place, some eating, sunbathing, gambling, swimming and generally dripping sweat and alcohol everywhere. This bleedin diary is so hard to keep track of, or maybe it’s time, could even be the weed and severe lack of sleep. Last night Maco, Smythy and myself got quite baked were ridiculously lost in the car for two hours, drivin all over these roads that were still being built in the arsehole of Vegas. We then managed to back into a wall when we eventually found the car park in Circus Circus and got lashed by this security guard with a gun. He knew we were caned but Smythy still tried to convince him we had just smoked a whole packet of cigarettes really quickly in the car, hence our red eyes…mad laugh! Weather is like 40oC or hotter than Africa or somewhere man. Sky from last night can’t even be explained it was so precious. Most of the skies are! In fact, ‘Ni doigh liom go bhfaighfea oicheanta nios fearr ar domhain!’ Finally got our weed last night. Twas some crazy ass shit and nearly got us locked up or killed. Rest of the lads are gone to Circus Circus for the day while Maco, myself and some of the girls decided to stay here and pan by the pool – good decision too. Half of us are headin home today as Weldon has to split home. (This bloke was in school with us too, didn’t really know him, he’s better mates with Smyth, never stops smiling and laughin, good craic.) I’m gonna stay so there’ll be someone to drive the rest home. No money left either, so as I said I’m just relaxin by the pool – I feel bigger and better than and about myself. Nothin like a bit of sinful gambling, drugs and alcohol to make a person feel good – Bring it on Vegas!!! Somethin’s makin me write now, I just tried to close the book but wind or something blew it back open to this page so I have to write – Fuckin loser! Waitress just got me a pint of iced water, Van the Man playin in the background, not a cloud in the deep blue sky, palm trees dancing with their two o’ clock shadows on the sand – life is good! Lots of greasy Americans drinkin and shoutin too…mind you, that’s to be expected in the desert…rats! Still can’t get over how much of a laugh I had with Smythy and Maco last night. We nearly crashed too and did a 60 meter skid at red lights cos the driver (not me and not Maco) had the giggles. Saw trapeze artists in Circus Circus, fountain and light show in the Bellagio – really cool! However, we have become victims of the tourist trap that is Vegas. Do it, but do it right the first time and never come back or you’ll end up an addict and one day will eventually be a widowed granpa sittin at the quarter slots, dropping coins like clockwork, stopping for sporadic whiskeys to dull the aching mind – holy deep tits…Fuck off Mary! Help me out here Paddy! Also noticed they don’t have any clocks in the casinos in Vegas. Apparently they want you to lose track of time and oxygen is pumped in to keep you awake. What a scam, but then again it makes sense. Wouldn’t you do it if you owned a casino'! I mean if people are stupid enough to hand over their money in the first place, they fuckin deserve it, simple as that! Give us some money and I’ll fuck you in the ass! No credit cards please, cash and chips only! Of course, if it’s just for a laugh with mates, yeah, spend whatever you can afford to, but don’t, don’t take that walk of shame to the banklink, they are not only robbing you blind, they are taking your dignity too!!! Thursday, 14 August 2003 – Pacific Beach Gomez on the disc man, lads on the beach, weather just right…more bums than expected! Many of them make some money collecting cans and bottles but they don’t seem to bother anybody. I mean this in both senses of the word bother, i.e. they don’t cause trouble and nobody really seems to care that these people might need help. Just another flaw in the a la carte world where people choose what to see and not see. Had a crazy trip back from Vegas last night. I was drivin and apparently people weren’t too happy bout it. I was stupid I’ll admit, I did a swerve from side to side as a joke but it fell on tired and angry ears. Think I’m forgiven now but who else was gonna drive and we got here safely n’anyways. Think the weed created a slight sense of paranoia and it didn’t bode well with a lack of sleep and excess of alcohol. Best to leave it at that though – sleeping dogs shall lie! Anyway it’s been a fantastic day. I fell asleep on the beach for about two hours – Coffey said I looked gorgeous when I woke up but what does that drunken minger know'! Him, Beds, Pomfreto and Ginner stayed on the beach and Jimmy (Coffey) and myself went to Kendall and Vons for food, drink and a Jack in the Box. Ye’d wanna see the deal I found though, $3.99 for a bottle of Merlot – not bad shit either. Met Attard and Frank buyin steaks, funny men are they, we’d just had a bowl in their gaff. Most likely mates goin cos Attard nearly looks and acts more American Rock than ‘In the Band Frank’. So Jimmy and myself had some good chats, arrived back to the gaff, tidied up a bit before the slobs got back to our fly infested shack and began to cook food as I opened my vino – Beautiful – Be powerful team Guigsy!!! Coffey, Beds, Ginko, Pomfreto, Paulie, Jimmy and myself ended up in the gaff together. Spud was here for a while till himself, Ginko and Pomfreto headed to Typhoon Lagoon (Bar) for Laura Fanning and the girls (Helen and Tara’s) last night out – nightmare! Really got to know Helen and Tara in Vegas – really cool girls, very easy goin and up for a laugh. Pity they’ve got boyfriends though, I’d be a lucky little shit if Helen was interested in me. However, I’d never try and split either couple up as they both seem happy. Do unto others…and all that bollox! Anyway, Maco arrived back from work bout eleven, with an herbal surprise wrapped in his snot rag…he’s so beautiful right now! We decided then that we could be smokin and drinkin anywhere in the world while sitting, growing roots in our sweat soaked couches that take up the space along the walls and under our fly catchers in this cess pit we call home. Mind you it’s bout ten times cleaner than last summers gaff in East Hampton, NY. (Nice one Jimmy.) This realised by the slow-brained genius’ we are, we headed for the bay. (Mission Bay). Paulie, Maco and myself took three pre-rollers, music, munchies and water – enough to make your toes tingle. Lovely night, we got there by one I’d say and as Paulie stated, “It’s oh so tranquil, ahhh!” Cops came over but left us alone – sound. Neway I passed out like a loser as Maco and Paulie wanted to chain-smoke all three – Rodneys you plonkers – funny though. Eventually managed to cycle home and pass out and have just woken up now. It’s about 9.30am on Friday and I think I’ve got that feelin for a Crunchie Bar. Have to head over to Kendall now, gonna sort out my passport. Need to get Susanne’s address off Aoife or Val cos she’s comin over on Saturday or Sunday and can bring my required birth cert. Then I’ll have to ring my parents and make sure they get it to her gaff on time. Liamo’s around so he might do it. Jimmy has a spare set of forms for me here (sound girl) so all I really need are photographs of my handsome ass now!!! So I think it’s time to crush (leave), me and Pauline are gonna try and get jobs at ‘Lollapalooza’ so we can get caned and paid to see J5 and Incubus. Also looking into goin to ‘The Burning Man Festival’ in the desert. Have to get in touch with my brilliant sis Aoife in San Francisco first – she’s more than crazy enough to be goin! S’later! Friday, 15 August 2003 – SD Got up after four hours sleep and the fun began…Beachcomber (75cent pints) was the plan for the night. But it was only 8 o’ clock and the day was young, free and all ours. Jack in the Crack was on the menu for breakfast so me and Jimmy headed to Vons (Supermarket) first…………….' Don’t know what happened to the rest of today’s diary, however, there is a lot of tobacco and cigarette papers stuck to the page and I’m not saying anything! Saturday, 16 August 2003 – SD Time for another diary entry… Sittin on the pier doin a spot of fishin with my mate Ginko. Surfers out left, swimmers out right, Ginner and myself sittin on chairs livin it up as we observe the glorious beach kingdom from our elevated regal thrones. Life can’t get much sweeter. Came down with Spud, Paulie and Flynner but they seem to have gone walkabout. Got some bate from some other dudes fishin beside us. The idiots were using cooked mackerel. Paulie and Spud just got back with water and food. We had stopped in at Wired Café with our shoppin trolley full of gear, looking for my passport but Café was closed – nightmare! So anyway, I’d better get to telling you bout what I did earlier on today first. Went shoppin bout 9.30 – 10.00. Got me a melon, bread, cheese and coke brekkie listenin to Damien Rice. Met Tara and the gorgeous Helen. They were goin back to theirs for a champagne and orange juice brekkie with a spliff and some watermelon and when they asked me along I just couldn’t resist – A1 Sharon. Rest of the girls and Spud were there too (i.e. Sara, Laura and Katie). Went back home then after Laura and Katie left for San Fran. Got to Thomas and most people were still in bed so I lit a fire under them. Went back to Kendall with the fishermen, had a joint and recruited some more fishermen. Met Paulie’s Uncle and Auntie too, lovely people, must be in the blood. Paulie and me have clicked, simple as that, best of friends! What a life Paddy, think Mary fucked off home! Gonna go get some food with Ginko now so I’ll remember more later. Got back from food and lads were gone so Ginner and myself walked home. Just showered and back in Kendall now. Fourteen of us are headin to see the San Diego Chargers versus The Arizona Cardinals football game tonight. Never a dull moment, might just have to take it easy tomorrow!!! (People goin – Flynner, Ginner, Spud, Smythy, Attard and Skinny, Laura, Susanne, Andrea, Val, Helen, Tara, Fiona and myself.) Gonna be legend, smell ya later! Experience and sights (Cheerleaders!) amazing, however, game itself sucked. Was just a pre-season ‘friendly’ so lots of time-out. Not one of the cheerleaders was less than a seven. Couldn’t believe it and 33,000 attended, of which 28, 000 were just there to see the same cheerleaders. Headed home anyway, transit police were very gay and made Fiona and Smyth get off cos were 20cent short. Got free burgers in Carl Jnr.’s and headed to Thomas, and guess what' Mingin Jimmy – our barman from the restaurant in East Hampton last summer – was there drinkin and smokin with Coffey and Paulie. Legend! So, obviously a sick amount of smokin went on, we were like a silly bunch of fools in the Fort of Tomfoolery. Great chats with Jimmy once I arose from my herb enhanced slumber. Told him about Cronin on Dan – story of the summer. Went to bed then about 5am. Finally got to sleep on airbed – nice one. Helen and Tara in beds beside me. Let them sleep mind you. I’ve turned over a new leaf you know. The pig went home so I don’t sleaze anymore. Sunday, 17 August 2003 – PB Pier Slept till eleven thirty – best kip yet! Had a coffee and chats and then we baked some cookies for brekkie – funny bastards but Nev is LOUD. (He’s a lad from Rathfarnham and his mates have gone home so he’s kind of livin and hangin round with us a lot now.) Tidied up a bit, headed for Kendall, got fishin gear and headed here to the pier. Stopped in to Wired Café and got passport off sound bloke. Told him I’d call back and get a happy cigarette together for him. Can’t wait! Anyway, still on pier now, think its about 4 or 5pm, few bullets flyin around, water, chocolate and Gomez in my ear hole. Surfers at six o’clock, swimmers at nine, horizon from eleven to three o’ clock, sun just right. Kill me quick and I’d die happy as Larry. All I need now is the girl of my dreams to show up. I’m talking new age hippy – clean mind you, not a crustie. And she’s got to be active; I can’t stand sittin round at home. If you’re gonna be sittin, make sure it’s got an aspect and a certain quality and atmosphere that makes you bubble gently inside and warm all over. Snug as a bug in a rug. A1Sharon. She has to walk around with her eyes open, observe the people, the place and suck in like a Dyson 3, 000 cos you’ll need it when you’re older and don’t even have the option of leaving your bed, let alone country. Life is not about work, it has very little to do with it in fact. Sure taxes pay for many great services provided by the state and private or voluntary organisations, but people aren’t happy and the virus is the number of hours we spend at work, hoarding up money for fear of not being able to pay the next Sky Digital bill. Worse still, most people aren’t even justly rewarded for the work they do and end up making a mint for some fat bastard sittin at his desk smoking cigars, buyin and selling the dignity of the lower classes. And with women joining the labour force and men still not helping out at home things can begin to fall apart. Families often break up, people get sad and I know it’s never as simple as that but it’s good to have your own blood in and around you. It’s necessary! Plus if the Health Department didn’t have to spend so much money to help people suffering from depression, illness and poverty caused by family and marital breakdown, taxes could be lowered or spent in other ways such as to help the families stay together in the first place. But families do break up and hey, greedy individualists and capitalist society lead to money being spent elsewhere, on spikes and tribunals for example Mr. Flood! So forget about ‘em, get back to your own life and be happy, once you’re happy you can help others. You’ll be no use if you can’t even love yourself! However, I won’t pretend to have the solution to these problems, even Charlie McCreevy and Bertie Ahern find it hard!!! At least being happy is a start! Mary’s tits! No look on the pier anyway so nous trios headed for food and the bay. Stopped off in Ralph’s and got the nicest foot long subs (rolls) ever. Headed for the bay then and set up our chairs right on the waters edge so we could dangle our legs in the tide. Sun wasn’t out for much longer but it was a nice cool change. Had a lovely piss in the bay (had been hangin onto that one for hours), lowered myself into my throne and racked up some spliffs. Still weren’t getting many bites but then Spud reeled in with a mingin sting ray or something bout the size of a frisbee – nice one Spudney! Kept fishin till about eight or nine and Maco kept tryin to sell the fish to these eight-year-old kids when he eventually regained consciousness – Scumbag! Fisherman Spud found his luck again and became the Mission Bay Angling Champion for the afternoon session. Big fat one it was too, had teeth like razors and spikes on his back, must have been a foot long plus. Smashed him upside the head with a hurling stick – Maco’s so cruel, I tried to stop him but he turned the stick on me! We eventually made our way home then in order to put the supper on the table like the providing hunters we are. Arrived in Thomas, had showers and gutted the fish – messy business, but no one else was offerin to do it. Shitty Fishy. Had more spliffs and bowls and Maco went to get wine. However, Granpa passed out in bed by 10.30pm – needed the sleep though and what a day!!! Naked bitches la la la, I love you San Diego, la la la!!! Monday, 18 August 2003 – Thomas Lazy day today, got up bout 9 and smoked a bowl. Went to Vons, got bread, eggs and milk, back to Thomas, made some French toast and tea a la Paul Malone. Nev, the slob, was passed out on the couch all day while most of the others had gone to the Six Flags water park for the day. Got Beds up and made him start drinkin with me about one or two. I had a two-litre bottle of wine and Beds had some beers and the same wine. Played some drinkin game and asked the lads to wake me after an hour but apparently I slept from 5-9pm. Beds got lost and ended up in Kendall on his own. He woke up on the couch with no recollection of how he got there. The kid has no memory since the second of June mind you and no smokin when he’s around, he don’t like it! Slobby also managed to set the couch on fire outside. He flicked a smoke butt in between the couch and the window. We eventually noticed there was smoke everywhere and discovered Paulie was about to go up in flames as he lay peacefully reading his book. Think that cheered Beds up a bit as he had seemed a bit down, had to get him locked first though. Tidied kitchen, mopped floor, bleached sink and got Nev to clean the table. The gaff had been a mess. Someone found a big box in the lane then. It was full of 80s tapes like Milli Vanilli, Prince, New Order etc. so we had a deadly laugh with that. Slicko (one of the lads who didn’t make it) would be in his element. Drinkin again anyway, few blunts ag dul timpeall so I’m sure I’ll have more stories tomorrow. Love you all, especially Gumbo. Tit balls! Same again, I won’t bore you with the stories; suffice to say it was fun. Tuesday, 19 August 2003 – PB Well how are ya doin there everybody' You’re very welcome to this evenin’s cabaret and I’m very glad you took the time to come and see me play! Got up at nine or so again, most still in bed except for Coffey who has been up and is now gone to work. So I headed to Vons via Kendall but they’re all kippin like leopards too. Hit Vons and got me a French stick, a lump of brie, two tomatoes, a litre of milk and a helicopter on the roof in 5 minutes or I start shootin, women and children first!!! Headed back to the gaff and had a lovely posh breakfast, tidied up and got ready for the beach. Didn’t get to beach till bout 1.30 though cos there was lots of cleaning to be done and I decided to walk to the beach with Clare (Paulie’s cousin) as it was her last day and no one else was ready – had to find out how she found Maco last night, she rejected me, mind you I was like a drunken sleazy granpa with a mullet so it’s to be expected. See, I’ve been sporting a mullet for quite a few days now as I believe you haven’t lived until you’ve had one. It’s not meant to be serious mind you, it is a piss take and I do not think it is sexy!!! Nobody else was at the beach yet so we picked the usual spot in front of the Best Western where the surfers hang out. Stuck on my discman, Gomez again but ‘Liquid Skin for a change. I really didn’t bring enough cds with me! People began to arrive slowly but surely then. Fiona, Susanne, Jimmy, Spud, Smythy, Cian, Skinny and Flynner. Feelin hungry so Clare, Spud and myself headed to Joe’s Crab Shack to visit Chris (neighbour of ours who works there). Another reason for us going there is that it is $1.50 for wings or fingers or fries or calamari from 3-6 Monday to Friday and only $2.75 a beer. Chris also sorted the bill out for us and gave us some shots of Kamikaze - lovely. He’s goin for a new job though, hope he gets it but I don’t as well if you know what I mean, thus, I’m tryin to get to know the other barman, Justin! Back to the beach for a kip then and after that the six of us lads had a game of American Football. Spud, Skinny and myself versus Flynner, Cian and Smyth. They beat us bad but they knew/made up the rules and I got to dump tackle Flynnstone. Après match had a beer and watched the sunset as Skinny perved on hot birds with his zoom lens 2, 000. Like Skinny a lot, he’s a great lad. (Yes, we looked through the lens too!) Headed home with Spud then and picked up Kingpin and Lethal Weapon 2 at Second Spin for about $3 each. Had just the one spliff and no drink then flaked. Went to bed fairly early, bout two I think. Another lovely day but I’m not listenin to anyone’s bitchin anymore – “They won’t clean…” “They’re lyin…” “She’s out to get me!” – Who gives a shit you paranoid bastards, fuckin drop it! Everyone shall be responsible for their own actions and cause no undue harm or discomfort to others in anyway that interferes with the others life etc. It’s all part of being, a social being, a human being – you’ve been fuckin well practising it for the last 20 odd years so cop the fuck on the lot of yez! Wednesday, 20 August 2003 – Thomas I love it. I can’t help it but I need it. Time by myself just to be alone, gather my thoughts, figure shit out and get to know where I am and who I am right now. Otherwise you lose sight and control and life goes nowhere. Fuck off Mary I’ll come back to you later, Spud just came back so train of thought left. I’m sittin on the patio in Thomas anyway. Was goin to go to the beach but there’s too many people down there. Got up bout eleven this morning, had some brekkie, made tea for all, put on P20 and watched The Recruit while I waited for it to soak in. It’s about two now, Maco and Paulie just got back. Ginner, Pomfreto, Andrea and Susanne are gone to PB to meet Jimmy Coffey. I might head down later, or if these don’t leave Thomas I’ll go find a park, café or maybe head to the bay. Gonna go in and see what Maco’s got to smoke, fuck I sound like a poor junkie. I figure it helps me suppress the daemons when my mind gets too fast, too furious to handle!!! They’re cookin a fry so we’ll have to wait till they fry and fly. Shouldn’t be long though, think they’re headin to the beach or downtown or somewhere. They’re still bitchin though so I gotta keep away or they’ll give me the bitch disease! Sun’s gone in unfortunately, but a fly just landed on my page, ever wondered bout their age' Supposedly they don’t live very long, but fuck there’s a lot of them. Maybe I’ll come back in the next life as a fly and I can do a fly on the wall documentary bout these weirdoes. If only they could listen to themselves. Maco did have some left-handed cigarettes, just in case you hadn’t noticed!!! Just a friendly piece of advice…If ever you go on holidays to San Diego or anywhere for that matter, bring a copy of two things, Gomez – ‘Bring it on’ and secondly, Gomez – ‘Liquid Skin’. Pure genius, really chills me the fuck out but keeps my mind a finely tuned instrument or muscle shall we say. I like it like this! Do you feel the same way' Like every day’s a brand new day where you can make yourself a better and happier person according to what you want to do. But don’t forget your responsibilities to yourself and others. If your rights you got to take your responsibilities with you too, not your wrongs!!! Good shit hey'!! Wow, what a feelin, I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me! Go on Helen, I haven’t forgotten bout you!!! (Don’t be freaked out, that is a joke!) Sittin in with the lads now, they’re eatin, I’m writin and we’re all listenin to Reservoir Dogs sound track. Come on Paddy and Mary, ride the arses off each other!!! Anyway, so the lads left, I stayed here and did those thing people do in houses when they’re alone. For example, dance around the gaff listenin to savage cds, flex in the mirror, watch a couple of videos (Boondock Saints), smoke a few joints and pluck your nose hairs – nice one! People eventually came back about 6 or 7 and the decision was made to go to Safari Nightclub in Tijuana where whoop di fuckin doo, drinks are free. Problem is no one thinks of the tips, entry to club ($15), taxis and buses and trolleys, maybe food on the way home, bringing us to a grand total of about $30-$40, which is fairly cheap, and oh yeah, for everything else there’s MasterCard! Bollox, the night was far from fucking (alliteration) priceless. It was worthless! Shit club, shit music, shit drink that tasted like detergent (American for Persil) and a load of silly American and Irish teeny boppers makin drunken idiots out of themselves, getting their tits out on stage, some not even able to sit in a chair. I know we did the same, a few years ago anyway, but we didn’t do it in the midst of terrifying poverty and I probably didn’t even see the worst of it. Women and children sell Chicklets on street corners if they’re lucky, I don’t know what the rest of them do. One kid came straight up to me at the train and asked me for money. Looking back I should have just given him everything in my wallet but then I’d have 40 kids askin and you can’t help them all! Can you……..' So I’ll leave it at that, I’ll see it like most people, register what’s goin on like less people do, feel sick thinking about it like most people should and then I’ll do absolutely nothing about it, just like every other asshole who goes, with the exception of a few of course. I was reluctant to go in the first place and now I was going to advise people not to go either but perhaps everyone should go, just to see what it’s like and help them to appreciate what they have and the lives they live. Paulie and myself decided to leave then about 3.30am. We were supposed to stay till 5 with the others but couldn’t stay, not for the life of me, plus Adele (friend from UCD) was givin me a load of shit about not bein happy enough to see her so we told Maco we’d see him in Mc Donald’s across the border in an hour. (Yes, McDonaldisation of the third world etc. it’s so bad but I’m too tired and hungry!) But… Maco of course forgot what we had said to him so they all searched for us for an hour. Paulie texted Cian’s phone then to let him know we were getting the 4.40am trolley. Anyway, with an hour to burn we managed to smuggle 800 smokes of which 200 were legal. Then got to Jack in the Crack and got ass poisoning which we didn’t find out till 6am – Splendid! Had deadly chats with my mate Paulie for ages then – he’s an amazingly nice person. Anyway, got trolley and talked to this disturbed ex-junkie on the bus who became a mother at the age of 13, got off and ran home to the toilet. Once we got home we ‘settled’ down for a cup of tea, joints and a spot of Young Guns. Slept by about 8, but my eyes were open wider than ever before after such a tiring but necessary day! Fuck you Mary! Paddy''' Thursday, 21 August 2003 – SD – Thomas Fuck sake, the more I drink the harder it gets to write this diary. It’s fun all right and it helps to elongate my time I’m spending here with my friends so that people will be in a position to know what went on when we were kids. So, I got up at about two today, had some food, went back to bed and got up a t 4pm. Not sure what I did then really. Think I stayed in the gaff but I don’t know who was here. Oh Lord won’t you but me a Mercedes Benz, my friends all have Porsches I must make amends! Friday, 22 August 2003 – Gaff and La Jolla It’s Coffey’s last day at work today so we’re goin to La Jolla to visit Jimmy the barman at work in the Top of the Cove. Beautiful restaurant I hear. Got up anyway, was either 9 or 11 but who cares! Listenin to Blur now, it’s lovely. Went to Vons via Kendall and woke Attard up to come to my gaff to watch videos. Checked my e-mails at some stage as well. Had mail from Jean-Marin (old French exchange), Tina (lady friend from East Hampton), Rod (friend from UCD, currently in India) and a few others too. Sent a communal one then, told Tina I’d sign up to her record label but she’d have to show me the record contract first. (Met her at karaoke, she’s a bit mad!) Turns out Jean-Marin’s sister is livin in San Diego too so told him to come visit and send me her e-mail. Went back to the gaff then and watched Titan AE and Blade with Attard and Frank the Tank as he’s affectionately known!!! Started drinkin then when Cof got back bout 6. Had southern fried chicken too and played Flicky Flicky for a while with Cof, which inevitably turned into a game of Circle of Death. (Drinkin games) Fuck is Nev thick! He was still stickin to the rules when Cof and me left for La Jolla! He was walkin round the patio with his knees together like he was about to shit his load. Coffey and myself got some food then and jumped in a taxi ($4) down to the 34 bus stop. Tried to shit in a restaurant…Customers Only! Shittin on tables, chairs, and plates, even shittin on each other crazy bastards!!! The bus was $2.25 each and had us in La Jolla in 15 minutes. Found Jimmy’s place pretty quick. Very posh, customers were havin a singsong in the lobby…weird…and us two bums walked in in beards, shorts, trackends, mullet and filthy t-shirts. Surprisingly they let us in, went up to the bar – savage. Jimmy was drinkin with his work mates and tidyin up his new bar and it was about 10.30pm at this stage. Lovely bunch, think he started givin us massive Long Island Iced Teas. We got hideous and had great chats with this Russian dude called Alex. He was telling me all about Estonia etc and I never knew there were still so many pro-nazis over there. Anyway, we helped Jimmy move a few boxes and he made me do the ball trick for all his work mates. Fuck did they get a fright when I dropped my kacks! What a night! He dropped us home then, no idea what time it was. Cof and me decided to head to Kendall but for some crazy reason I went to some gaff party with Paulie, Spud, Nev and I’, not sure about Maco. Don’t know how I met them but remember getting a very sore crossbar there on Paulie’s bike. Was shit anyway. Too drunk to talk to strangers and they were all doin crystal meth and shite anyway. (The strangers, not the lads.) Rodney’s you plonkers! So I legged it, Vicki said I called into Kendall at 4am and when she answered the door I fell off the porch which helps explain the bruises! Eventually got back to Thomas, Beddy and Joey Lake (friend from DCU) were locked on the couch and Cof had passed out on the floor. So of course I had to get two beers and wake him up. Think we kicked the shit out of each other and Beddy helped too no doubt, what fun times these are! Plus I’m even enjoying listening to Oasis right now. Went to bed, don’t know where or when, woke up on airbed with clothes still on, no hangover, Praise the Lord, Halla Loolia!!! Saturday, 23 August 2003 – Smelly Blue Couch Cof was already up so we headed for the garage sales about eleven. Got a savage bottle of Coke in a box. Twas a 75th Anniversary Commemorative bottle. Slick, only cost me a buck, so we went to Kendall and I gave it to Cian Little – he collects Coke bottles. A1 Sharon. Went to second hand shops then and got t-shirts for a buck and thruppence. ‘No thanks I’ll walk!’ it said on mine and Coffey’s was the 2002 Halibut Fishing Championship “offishal” t-shirt. We legged it then and went to check the football results on the www. Spurs had beaten Leeds 2-1 and Freddie got an overhead in the 71st minute – I fuckin love you Gumbo. Came back here to Thomas then. Had an S3 and went down to PB for a kip. That didn’t work however, so Cof, Flynner and me did some body boarding for ages. Tried to sunbathe again but still too fidgety, too sandy and too many noisy Americans playin horseshoe and drinkin. Fuckin degenerates. With that I took the scooter home and am now lying on the smell blue couch about to make me a 5pm cup of Joe. Come on Paddy – we might even bring Jack out tonight!! No hope of Jack comin out, couldn’t even drink wine or beer, I was just getting mingin heartburn instead. I’m back in Thomas now, listenin to Massive Attack’s Greatest Hits 1997-2000. (Sister Laura got it for me in Thailand) Think it’s about 12.45am! Back to the story though. After my cup of Joe, Cof, Ginner and myself played donkey for a while. Chatted to Andy next-door and watched football on the TV. Had showers then and decided to go to Mexico with Jimmy, Coffey and Smythy. Not goin for a week or so and Jimmy tells me we’re goin to proper Mexico this time – Ensenada and Rosarita apparently. Headed to Kendall then, the plan was to have a bbq and get hammered. Bbq was lovely – had to put it together and get coals first though. Them screws were a bastard as I had the shakes and no screwdriver. Ginner and Coffey laughed at me a lot – wankers, didn’t see those pigs contributin! Bunch of fuckin wasters but I love them. We tried to do some weights earlier on as well, fuck that shit is hard – not my pectorals you understand and that most likely contributed to the shakes too. So bbq was nice, but bored of drinkin and couldn’t anyway. Maco was supposed to get some weed but failed yet again. If you want something done right you just got to do it yourself so I’m on the hunt tomorrow. Everyone was in Kendall so it was good but I was too tired. Plus it would have been nice if Andrea had told me her new fella was gonna be there. Nice bloke – 27 year old plastic surgeon or so he says anyway. Suppose I didn’t really mind, sure the break up was my fault and I ain’t interested no more, no more! Knew I’d get abuse if I told the lads I was goin home so I snuck out the back and said goodnight to the girls and Andrea’s fella and his mates – nice blokes. Suppose I don’t mind Americans after all, it’s just the loud people that irritate me. As I was sayin, I’m home now, home alone watchin ‘Ali’ but takin a break for a cup of tea and this diary. Only thing wreckin my head now is the damn cd player won’t stop skippin so I’ll have to get my discman soon – which unfortunately involves getting out of my lazy boy - which loik kicks focking ass man! Think I’ll go kip like a leopard after this film now. I’m cream fuckin crackered. And so the end is near, “I should stick my dick in your ear and fuck some sense into you” – to quote my fifth year headmaster but I can’t remember his real name for the life of me. Gotta be the least passionate English teacher I ever came across. Fuck did he hate me. He once told me that I could never understand how much he’d love to puck the head off me. Nice character! Called Paddy Smyth (rugby player) and myself into his office on the first day of fifth year to tell us he’d be watchin us and asked us not to be the ‘ring-leaders’ of trouble we allegedly had previously been and this was just after I had turned over my new well-behaved, intelligent leaf. Peace out though Thummer, you were a kind man at heart, I now understand what your game was all about!!! I’d have wanted to puck the head off me too; I really was a little prick! Fuck, I’m here two weeks already! Three and possibly more to go – bring it on pig, shamon mutha fuka! Sunday, 24 August 2003 – Thomas – PB – Bay Circle of Death: Figured you all might like to know the rules so that one day you can play too. Basically, all participants sit around in a circle and the 52 cards are spread in a circle in the middle or on the table etc. Each of the cards has a different rule and these are as follows: • Ace: In your face – drink pig! • Two: Make a rule – i.e. No cursing or saying names for rest of game. • Three: Can’t pee – till someone else gets a three. • Four: Touch the floor – with two fingers on each hand and last person drinks. • Five: Alive – reach for the sky with both hands and last person drinks. • Six: Waterfall – all stand up and start drinkin together. Can’t stop till the person to your right or left stops and person who picked the 6 chooses the direction of the waterfall. For example, if Ginner Coffey and myself were playin Cof says it’s goin to Ginner then me – Ginner can’t stop till Cof does and I can’t stop till Ginner does. Killer! • Seven: 7 seconds - drink yourself; nominate someone you ‘trust’ to count them as fast or as slow as they like. • Eight: Nominate - someone else to drink for 8 real seconds. • Nine: Bust a rhyme - Keep goin round the circle till someone fucks the rhyme up. They drink. • Ten: Social drink - Slainte and a swig! • Jack: Topics – e.g. Car types and whoever can’t think of one drinks. • Queen: Question time – respond to every question with a different question to another person – fuck up drinks. • King: Knees together - can’t separate till someone else gets a king. Goatta skip to this bit for a second. Sick of waitin for Maco to get more weed, so Paulie and myself went huntin along the boardwalk in PB. Within 5 minutes and only the second people we met were Winston and his mate DJ. Long blond dreads and big red eyes, kinda obvious! Paulie asked Winston if he knew where we could get some good weed. We didn’t want none of that Mexican dirt weed so we let him know. Swapped numbers and he was gonna get his mate with an eighth. $50 was all and I know it sound like a rip off but it was average for SD. So after a long 2 or 3 hours wait, lying on the beach, talking and not doin a lot really, he was back. DJ muthafuka, that has to be the biggest THC covered bud I’ve ever seen. I went back to put the tea on and they went (Spud and Paulie) with Winston and DJ to their gaff to share the gold. They eventually got back to Thomas about an hour after me. Spud had to leg it here on the bike cos it could be smelled at the water’s edge. Spud and myself had one rolled by the time Paulie got back. Mental. Closed windows in the bedroom and took our places. One joint and we couldn’t stop laughin at stories. Had showers and a pipe. Smythy and Ginner just arrived. It’s called ‘Bullrider’ and we’re rackin up a fat one! Damn! That’s just made them a giggling bunch of idiots watchin shitty ‘CB4’. I eventually managed to convince them it was poison and that we had to go fishin at the bay. Coffey and myself headed to the shops to get vodka, munchies, bait and tackle. Got back and turned off the video and we all crushed. Maco said he’d wait to do some washin while Beds was getting ready and we told them we’d meet them at the same fishin spot as the last day. I had an absolutely mad time on the scooter tryin to get to the bay. We saw a big fire and a party with about 30 people at it so Paulie and Spud wanted to go over there. Coffey, Smythy, Ginner and myself took seats at the waters edge, lit a spliff and started fishin. I waded in up to my thighs and cast the rods, flicked the bar and walked back to the lads. However, bait (scallops) was shit and we barely got a bite. Fuck we laughed a lot though. Smythy was ofishal and we talked a lot about his ‘Bebe’. Sang a bit too. Girls at the party thought we were weird, someone kept sayin crazy shit to them by accident. You know how it is when you’re stoned and you think of saying something, know you shouldn’t, but then say it anyway – well that’s what kept happening and then it just turns into a fit of giggles and gets way out of control etc. etc. Maco and Beds still hadn’t arrived after an hour so I was pushin to go to the arranged meeting point. Nobody listened mind you and the next joint was eventually smoked. We all thought Maco was passed out at home. Turns out they searched for us for an hour – not a happy chicken. See, I told him his washin could wait! There was a crazy gang of bikers just down the beach shoutin and fightin and throwin petrol bombs onto their fire like a bunch of lunatics. Coffey and me were a bit freaked out so we eventually left cos they started shoutin at Ginner the fisherman callin him Jesus and sayin he was walkin on water. Headed back to the gaff, had a few more joints, cup of coffee, some food and watched Austin Powers Goldmember which still fails to impress me. So we sat up till the wee hours, not sure when exactly though. Attard arrived back then after thinking his bike had been nicked and much shoutin went on so I hit the hay like an ostrich…and what a kip I did have!!! Monday, 25 August 2003 – Thomas – Denny’s – Roisin’s – Bay Got up about eleven and fuck is it hard to get people organised, especially when they all have mushy brains from the night before! Ginner, Beds, Cof and Pomfreto went to PB by bout 12 or 1pm. We planned to go to Ocean Beach to get away from all the jocks on PB. We were gonna go via Denny’s for brekkie and Winston’s for an ‘O’ but by the time we got to Denny’s it was 3.45pm so we decided to visit Winston and DJ and then go fishin in the bay. And well fuck me sideways we actually managed to stick to the plan. Didn’t find anybody at home in Winston’s so we decided to call back about 6 or 7. Went to these Northern Irish girl’s gaff then (Jimmy went to college with some of them!) and I introduced myself. Had a spliff with Maco, Paulie and Spud, had two teas and chatted to the girls – sleazily apparently! One of the girls came out with a massive bag of crisps and I went “Woww-ooooh-ahhh” and all that and then said “Oh! And she’s got crisps”, Spud thought it was a classic so told me to write it down for y’all, so I did! Anyway, went fishin then with Squid, Spud came too but we still had no luck! Maco and Paulie came down then and we were gonna head back up for a go in the girls hot tub but it had gotten too late – nearing 9 o’ clock. Went to Thomas and Maco and myself got savage foot long subs from Subway (Any two for a $10 – we had vouchers…oooh!) We were so excited we just couldn’t hide it; the ‘Girls’ – Helen and Tara – are back today to stay with us for a few days. Things can only get better! On the downside the lads were leavin for Vegas tonight at about two. Got Smythy to put a dollar on number seven for me, roll the ball mutha fuka! So all that’s left round is the 'Girls’, Paulie, Spud, Maco, Attard and myself. It’ll be nice to have a bit more space but Cof asked me to keep an eye on the place cos him and Emma have their names on the lease. Thus, no parties or smokin, it sounds a bit boring, but if the cops are called and there’s nobody in the gaff on the lease the two of them are in the shit, no one else, plus I gave Cof my word and all that bullshit! So the girls arrived and the lads left about 2am. We’d just been smokin, chattin and watchin films, great night, made a nice change…yeh know! Plus we got our ‘O’ bout twelve so it was even more fun and we made a few sales to two Northern lads – sound! Watched ‘Somethin bout Mary’ again and eventually got to bed about 5am. Tuesday, 26 August 2003 – PB – Kendall – Bay Got up kinda late again today but we were all sure it was gonna be an amazing day. Had some fried eggs, toast and rashers, put on some suntan lotion and headed for PB with Attard, Tara and Helen a pieds. Had a kip on the beach for an hour or so and the girls went for a swim in Best Western’s pool with Attard. We all headed for Joe’s Crab Shack when they got back and had a pint and some dinner at $1.50 a basket. Chatted to Chris for a while and watched the poker classic on ESPN. Paid our dues and Attard headed for home while we went back to the beach for another kip. At about 6.15 we headed to check our e-mails in Wired before the ‘long and boring road’ we had to walk home could be faced. Them girls were damn hard to please too, they even wanted piggy backs – bollox to that, use those two things stickin out of your arse holes!!! Stopped in to Attard in Kendall and had a spliff with him. Strolled back to Thomas then, had some food, prepared four pre-rollers and got me a naggin of gin. The plan was to drink here for a while, head to Attard in Kendall, where we made two more pre-rollers as two had gone missing, and then on to the Bay to look at Mars which was the most visible it’s ever been to us earthlings in 60, 000 years. Pity we didn’t have a telescope but what a night. We sang, chatted and just sat together, really good craic – Dawson’s Creek moment – fuck, sorry Paddy! I’d never seen Tara and Helen so fucked, got them to smoke with us and rolled another for good measure. The trip home was a memorable one…Spud, Helen, Tara and myself were on foot and managed to get quite lost till my sensitive nose managed to find the way back to ‘Cesspit Kendall’. Decided to get food then, Attard’s burritos looked too good to take a bite on him. But then there’s always a but even if there’ no need for a but – Tara wanted to go to Jack in the Box, which I explained was only drive thru at this hour “but” she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Thus, we walked up and yes it was closed. The girls insisted, tantrum style, that they were stayin to ask the next car to get them food. We thought it could be a bit dodgy but Spud and myself headed for 7-Eleven anyway – drugs really do turn you into a useless prick, I’d never do that, even if I was drunk. So Spud and myself got home and had another spliff and a cup of tea. However, after an hour I started to worry bout the girls so we left a note and headed to Kendall to see if they got lazy and went back there. Had to wake Attard up to make sure they weren’t there but no sign. We had stopped into 7- Eleven to get coffees so had them with a cigarette on the porch and thought about where the girls could be. We took different routes home and there was still no sign till we opened the hall door and there they sat with very guilty and tired looking faces on them. Rodneys you plonkers! We got a cup of tea in return anyway and decided we’d demand massages as payment on the morrow. All four of us sat up and chatted for a while. Think we should go to the bay more often, it’s a tranquil and beautiful place at night, especially when there’s no bikers there!! It was great when Tara put on her herb inspired show where she randomly jumps up and shouts commands at her imaginary dog called Leeroy! We zen wint teu beid…snoring greatly! Wednesday, 22 August 2003 – Thomas Just reading over the last few pages before I tell y’all bout our lazy day today and getting the feelin that tomorrow I should start doin something bout my road trip with Maco. I reckon it’ll just be Maco and me at this stage but I also feel it’s gonna be better that way cos we won’t be arguing as much about where we wanna go. Maco got a car rental brochure the other day as well and there’s an offer for a Kia Sophia, Ford Escort or Mazda Protégé all-inclusive for $249 a week with unlimited free road miles. Suits us and we won’t get a better deal so we reckon we’ll get a tent and go extra cheap for as long as possible. He still wants to change his flight to my date though (14th September) and I’d like to stay longer but hey, we gotta meet in the middle here! I also noticed I exaggerated last night a bit! Spud and myself actually gave in quite easily when the girls said they were goin to wait at Jack in the Box. Helen and Tara threw no tantrums and so sleeping dogs shall lie! We arranged to meet at the gaff and did…eventually! Don’t be so drunk you pig!!! Half bottle of Tequila with Beds and startin on my naggin of Jack…fun, fun, fun! Helen still drinkin, Tara gave up, Spud doin well, Beds and Sara goin strong too. So lets be honest here for a minute! I’m not writin this on Wednesday the 27th at all, it’s now Thursday morning, bout 9am and I’ve been up for half an hour. Started tidyin but fuck that for a game of soldiers! The lads just got back from Vegas bout 15 minutes ago as well and Maco had taken one of their beds by accident so I gave him the one I was in. He kept on telling me his eyes were stinging. Someone must have thrown one of those Safari Detergent drinks in his eyes…I fuckin love you Maco! (He’d been out in Tijuana with Paulie etc. again, I chose not to return!) Last night was great n’anyways, just what I needed. Stayed in bed till about 2pm (Wednesday). I was far too wrecked to be doin all that energetic getting to the beach and lyin around on it all day stuff. In its stead we watched a video while the lads went to PB and Paulie headed to Tijuana for shopping (think he left at 9, the crazy bastard!) Of course the film ended up being a shitty chick flick, which I don’t mind occasionally but then this one actually turned out to be quite good. “Sweet Home Alabama” it was called – quite the tear jerker, but of course I was fine and macho, I benched 125k’s at the gym before that and was doin press ups with claps for the first hour of the film, then I drank 14 Heino’s and 6 Smirnoff Ice - roysch! After the film the girls headed to Tammy’s (their boss) gaff for dinner. Sara had arrived at this stage and offered to cook me pasta…I didn’t look in her mouth! Beds went on a drink run then and as you know got tequila and whiskey – A1 Sharon. So then we decided to play the name game where you have a name stuck to your head and you have to figure out who you are by asking yes or no questions. Beds was Charlie Chaplin, Helen was Hulk Hogan, Sara was Elvis, Spud was Whoopie Goldberg, Tara was Filias Fog and I was Michael Collins. Good game though, it kept us entertained for about an hour! A few spliffs went round and Spud puked in the jacks for a while, wasn’t too locked though, his stomachs probably just in ribbons – few days off if you ask me – he’s supposed to be confirmin his job today or something but he’s too panned to care – DO THE JOB! Sat up chattin till the wee hours then…Life is so much better when you turn off the TV at times like this. I think I’d have loved to have been an Irish ‘Seanchai’ (storyteller) that existed all those years so long ago. They used to travel the length and breadth of the country or county, maybe even just a little village and tell old stories about the locals or mythical stories about Cuchulainn, Queen Meabh and the Bull of Culi etc. – Now I’m spelling all this like shite right now but you probably would too at his hour, plus I never said I’d be a storywriter now, did I'!! (Sidetrack, tangent, major bypass operation……………………….!) “I remember it well, the banshee howled like never before and the druids chant was carried o’er the seas to Africa it was so loud on that cold and eerie summers night. As we pitched our tents under some cliffs on the western face of Carontoohill that evening, I had heard the whispy voice of an old man in my ear warning me about the shepherd ghost that protected the vast secrets the ancient folk had hidden in the mountain many generations past. I had heard of it before, but only the once, three summers previous as my grandfather lay in his deathbed, he called me close and said only these words to me and me alone… “The Cable kills the Fable my son and you are the chosen one who must protect our country’s children from the box, it’s TV dinners and the sinners it creates.” That was it, of course I wouldn’t have fuckin minded so much if the bastard had elaborated a little more but I couldn’t really pry for I was only 19 and still at playschool! I know now what he meant. The voice I heard on the mountainside that night was the same voice I heard in my grandfather’s bedroom three summers past and it triggered something inside me, ooh, and kind of tingly! I didn’t tell the others what I heard straight away but I knew that whatever lay hidden deep within the cruellest mountain in Ireland would give me the power to stop the Cable and renew the Fable to it’s former glory. I knew then that kids today would look forward to hearing the fables just as much as I did back when I was a lad in Bushy Meadows! Now the Shepherd Ghost was not an evil man, but a deadly one, sworn to protect the secrets from falling into the wrong hands. Some say it was gold and silver pieces, others say it was a book that will unleash the Evil Army of Celts upon the world if ever it sees the light of day again. But I know, as my grandfather did, that what lies within the mountain is a vast, ancient library filled with infinite myths and legends that have been handed down and recorded from generation to generation since the beginning of man and woman. Only the bravest, most intuitive and pure son of Ireland will be capable of managing this library for good uses and not abuses. Is it me' Shall we see' Won’t you come and talk with me' To be continued… So anyway, I’d better get back to finishin the days news. Yeah…Tara, Helen, Spud and myself sat out on the patio chattin for ages bout girlfriends and stuff, it was real nice but sometimes it’s real hard to chat about that! Neway Spud and Tara went inside and Helen and myself sat on the couch chattin shite, but good shite, for ages – really cool. Spud came out for a smoke then and stayed out chattin, ah well, still really interesting anyway! Hit the sack about five or five thirty, took ages to get to sleep but sure fuck it, I’ll just kip on the beach today! (Tomorrow) Thursday, 27 August 2003 – PB – The Dog – The Silver Fox – Kendall …Well we didn’t sleep much that night. Slicko wasn’t too worked up mind you, he was convinced it was horses and not druids at all the night before, and he wrote the banshee off as fighting cats. But he never heard my grandfather’s whispers and he definitely didn’t believe my story about the shepherd ghost when I told him over breakfast… Hold the story! I gotta do the diary first – I can’t and won’t fail! So got up about 8.30 apres 3 hours kip and felt deadly. Went to the jacks and was goin to go back to sleep but couldn’t as I was too awake anyway. Had a cup of tea and some of my juicy cantaloupe melon, so good for hung over bodies. Tara and Helen headed off to the beach and I went to make calls to Dad and Aoife, call into Kendall and follow them down. Still no contact with Aoife, so I’ll try again tomorrow. All were asleep in Kendall so I set off on my scooter listening to Tracey Chapman. Nearly fuckin snotted myself as well I was enjoyin myself so much. Fell off right in front of this car with a hot bird in it who had stopped at the stop sign. I had to keep gong and get up like nothing had happened cos I was on my own and so had nobody to laugh with. Jeez, your woman got quite a fright though!!! When I got back to our spot on PB, however, it was quite lacking in people I knew so I sat on the wall, had a smoke and then picked a spot on the beach. I was goin to write this diary but I had a savage kip instead. Here! As well this dude from Arizona came over and had a smoke with me, he was kinda weird but think he was a decent enough bloke. These two birds had a keg on the beach so he wanted him and me to go drink with them. Unfortunately they were waiting for friends so thank God he went over alone, thus, we went our separate ways! The girls arrived after not too long but I soon lost interest in sunbathing cos its shit so I headed back to Kendall to see what Attard was up to. Stopped off in Jack in the Box and got a free key ring off this dude I gave a quarter. The other girls (Val, Andrea, Susanne, Fiona and Vicki.) were in Kendall as was Smyth. I was so burned by that stage (4pm) I had to get this Aloe Vera stuff from Attard, had a spliff and watched Ice Age. I was a virgin and what a film. Headed home then and started drinkin JD and playin the name game with Coffey. Most all were goin to Typhoon Saloon but Cof and me are goin on a mingin cheap one to the Dog. $5 a pitcher of four pints, and we played pool very badly against the locals. Got chatted up by three different groups of girls and there was one real nice one but I’m pretty sure she preferred Cof. He’s so hot right now!!! (Always in fact, I am so jealous!) We headed to the Silver Fox then for some black sambuca and Miller. He had three and two respectively and I had one and one. Chatted to some people, think Coffey knew them and then we got kicked out at closing and headed to Kendall. All were there havin a party. 2-Unlimited, Elvis and Riverdance were all playin, did our Reef anthem too. Vicki did Irish dancing and Coffey passed out in bed. Apparently I passed out after him but I don’t believe them cos I remember the whole night. One of the best nights this summer, dancing, drinkin, chattin, laugin and all the rest…smashin! Maco and me went home for a spliff then, the girls arrived back then and Ginner and Pomfreto were here. We tried to beat Ginner up again – didn’t work so we went to bed about 5.30am. Whatta night but why do, at a party, some people take Valium and Vicatin' It makes no sense at all! Friday, 29 August 2003 – PB – My hole Got a photograph of me in my hole I dug, courtesy of Tammy Cusi – Helen, Tara and Sara’s boss from the Hyatt Hotel in La Jolla.