Psy_211

Children face many obstacles in their lives today, more than ever before. They strive to “fit in” with their peers, to be popular, well liked, and most of all, accepted. They face peer pressure, struggles with depression, and endless amounts of trouble that could have the child facing severe consequences. At the root of all of these issues, there is one thing that children do need, and that is a parent. Not only do they need a parent but also they need a good one. Parents shape and mold their children into something they want them to be. They instill good morals and values that they wish their children could someday possess, like honesty, trustworthiness, compassion, and respect, these attributes are some characteristics that some parents hope the child has. It is the responsibility of the parents to make it happen. So, if a parent is the key to ensuring a well-rounded child, what type of parenting style would effectively work' Perhaps it is the engaged and devoted parent that makes the most impact or perhaps it is the parents who tend to chose to be the child’s best friend instead of his/or her parent/or mentor' The different parenting styles from authoritarian, authoritative, indifferent-uninvolved, and indulgent permissive, we will begin to understand the best choice in the upbringing of our children. Hard work, obedience, and respect are exactly what parents with an authoritarian parenting style expect from their children. Not only do they assume the child will do what he or she is asked when asked but also the parent expects to have no discussion about the situation, just action. These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection (Iannelli, 2004). They attempt to set strict standards of conduct and are usually very critical of children for not meeting those standards. It is little give-and-take between parent and child because authoritarian parents do not value the child’s needs or wishes (Kail, Zolner, 2005). The authoritarian parent is demanding, but unresponsive to the child, tends to use punitive and harsh punishment, physical enforcement, reprimands, and prohibitive interventions. The children of authoritarian parents are described as angry, aggressive, and possess low self-esteem. Children who grow up with parents who use this style may also grow to fear the parent. The children of authoritarian parents try to avoid the use of punishment and learn to behave well to avoid punishment or to gain a reward. As the child gets older, the child lacks the ability to think for themselves or learn from the consequences of their behavior because they have been taught to "follow the rules." Children brought up in this atmosphere may have a greater risk of depression, lack important social skills, and perform moderately well in school (Sunarg, 2008). This style of parenting may suit best, if what the parent wants a child who is frightened of them, and not a child to bond with. A child loves the praise of his or her parents and when the parent gives the child a warm sense of encouragement. Having rules and control is very important, and combining it with warmth and love will give you a type of parenting style that will leave your child feeling confident. An authoritative parent helps the child learn to be responsible for his/or her actions and think about the consequences of their behavior. Parents do this by providing clear, reasonable expectations for the children and explanations for why they expect the children to behave in a particular manner. The parent monitors the children's behavior to make sure that they follow through on rules and expectations. The parent does this in a warm and loving manner (Innanelli, 2004). Parents choosing the authoritative parenting style are assertive but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative (Baurimd, 1989). Children of authoritative parents possess greater competence in early peer relationships, engage in low levels of drug use as adolescents, and have more emotional happiness as a young adult (Bornstein, 2007). Authoritative parenting opens up the realm of having a sense of sameness with your child, in the value sense. The parent gives choices, balances, freedom and responsibility. These are the ways the parent feels the children should be raised and guided. Authoritative parents show warmth to the child when rules have been broken. Some parents may generally accept the children’s behavior and rarely provide consequences for misbehavior. This type of parenting is called indulgent-permissive. Parents make few, if any, rules, and the rules the parent make are usually not consistently enforced. The parent does not want to be tied down to routines. The parent wants the children to feel free. They do not set clear boundaries or expectations for the child's behavior and tend to accept in a warm and loving way; however, the child behaves. Permissive parents give children as many choices as possible, even when the child is not capable of making good choices. The parents accept the behavior of the child, good or bad, and make no comment about whether it is beneficial or not. The parent may believe that it is unable to change misbehavior, or the parent chose not to get involved (Bornstein, 2007). The child tends to grow into impulsive child whom is frustrated easily. The child may also grow up without the direction and guidance he or she needs to develop his or her moral conscience and set appropriate goals for the future. These parents have little to no guidelines or rules for their children. The parent does not mind if curfews and rules are broken. The parent wants to be the “best friend” instead of the mentor and authority figure a child needs (Baurimd, 1989). Indulgent-permissive parents need to pull up their socks and take control over the child before the children rules the household. The type of parent who provides for the child with his or her physical needs, but beyond that there is no connection between parent and child are indifferent/uninvolved parents. The parent does not show the warmth and love the child needs because the parent simply does not care. Indifferent-uninvolved parents try to minimize the amount of time spent with the children and avoid being emotionally attached to the child. Children of indifferent/uninvolved parents are more antisocial than his or her peers and tend to have more emotional disturbances (Sunarg, 2008). These children also tend to have low self-esteem and be impulsive, aggressive, and moody (Kail, Zolner, 2005). Being an indifferent-uninvolved parent may lead the child to lower grades in school and push the child toward actions with negative consequences. Neglectful parents show no warmth or tendencies to care about the children. No emotional bond or sense of love is within the home. In this type of parenting there is a small level of interaction between the parent and child, if any at all (Sunarg, 2008). Parents who practice this parenting style needs to re-evaluate themselves. These parents need to be educated on proper upbringing not only for the benefits of the children but also for the well-being of their child’s state of mind and positive feeling of self-worth. Some may say there is no right or wrong in what they choose to do with their lives, but when it is concerning parenting there is a clear-cut answer. Parenting is not an easy thing to do, but with experience and education comes knowledge. Children have no regards to who the parents may be, but parents have the choice of what the children can be. They have the choice to raise them, how to mold them, and how to instill values the parents hope the children would contain. Children look to their parents for guidance, advice, and inspiration. So, how does it look when parents turn their backs when their children are in need' Children need control, warmth, and love all at the same time. What children need is a mentor, not a best friend. Children need boundaries to ensure that they can grow up to be independent, not socially inept. Being a teenager is not an easy thing and the reality of what they go through is not that of happy endings and clear sailing. Being a teenager is a rough experience and only with the help of their parents and guardians can they truly make it past those years without feeling like some sort of a failure. Without the strict demeanor of authoritarian parents breathing down their neck or permissive parents turning their backs, children do have a chance to be successful on their own. It seems that the way of authoritative parenting can have power. Proper education of parenting styles could vastly help the futures of the children. The weight of the children lay on the shoulders of the parents willing to make a difference. The children are our future and parents have the opportunity to make it the most successful.