Pay_It_Foward

Alyssa Marzke February 12, 2012 Finding Yourself Within Other’s Action’s I was young, ten years old to be exact; however, I wasn’t oblivious to my surroundings. I knew that my parents were alcoholics and that my brothers and sisters were already moved out by the time they hit their pre-teens. Though, none of them would take me from these horrific parents that God has sent me too. My name is Marcus Wilson, and well my parents’ names, I consider theirs worthless just like the type of “adults” they grew up to be as. My parents were never home, usually you could find them at the bar drinking or at my mom’s work, the strip club. Nevertheless, when they were home the whole county knew. They would scream and yell so loud that I would sit in my room and cry all night because I knew that at that moment my so called “loving father” would wrap his inevitable hands around my mother’s throat till he left bruises on her. He would then leave her for weeks. She always would tell me that she would not take him back and she meant it. She always said that though. By the time he would come back I would find them in bed the next morning like the fight and bruises he left her never even happen. She didn’t know that everything he did to her affected me even more than life itself could conquer. I would separate myself from all the boys and girls at school. Why bother wasting my breath on people around here. Nobody wants to hear a sob story nor does anyone care. If at least one person around her cared, you would think that one person would have been by my side all these years when my parents were not there for me. I do not trust anyone or love anyone. I honestly don’t think that my parents truly love each other. When two people love each other you don’t physically harm them, I mean I understand the emotional harm, everyone has that. Still though, they don’t love each other. My “loving father” impregnated my mother when they were still in high school. By the time she had me they both dropped out of high school and moved away from their parents. Then again neither of their parents was big heroes either. They’re parents were just how my parents are now. Low life, dead beat parents with no real jobs. Not only was their lives worthless but so was their marriage. They were always drunk, always yelling, and always on again off again kind of relationship. I think the saddest part of everything was knowing that every time my “loving father” came crawling back to her claiming he has changed and that he had been sober for the past 2 weeks 6 hours, she would always take him back in without a second thought. Three years went by and nothing changed. I was 13 years old now and everything I saw between them kept getting worse. Throughout the years they both preached to me, when they were both tipsy, “Things will be different honey,” mom always said to me “We’re going to change and be a healthy family again.” I just rolled my eyes, nodded, turned up my IPod, and walked away as they continue to take shots while preaching this to me. Day by day, fight after fight, they eventually pushed me to finally run away. I gathered up all my clothes and everything important to me, which wasn’t much. I even managed to take some money from them while they were passed out on the floor in the kitchen. I didn’t know where I was going, so I just kept running. I eventually found this abandon house that I stayed at. While I was out here, I realized that my parents never really loved me. Not once did I hear of them looking for me or calling the police for their run away little boy. I don’t even think the school noticed that I was missing. However, I was used to being the invisible one, so it didn’t surprise me when I knew they weren’t out looking for me. I had this natural instinct or common sense to go check in on my mother. When I managed to check on her, I always managed to take some money as well. From time to time I thought that they were really changing, but then when I went in the next few times I knew that nothing was. This went on for another 3 years. When I turned 16 years old I figured it was about time to do what was right. A couple months went by and I made this plan out to go take my mom and we could escape from my “loving father,” and we could start our new life together the right way without him. I finally was able to follow through with it and just do it. It was September 12, a storm was approaching and I knew that tonight was the night that I would take my mother and we would leave. I hurried up over there, but when I got there I chickened out. I just kept telling myself “I got to do what’s right.” I did it, I charged right in the house, told my mother to pack her belongings. Then I grabbed my “loving father’s” shirt and pulled him up to my face so that we were looking eye to eye. I said to him “This is it, I’m done, she’s done, and we’re leaving without you. You come near us again, I will kill you.” He smiled at me then suddenly brought his fist across my temple. I dropped to the floor, apparently I blackout. He then drags me outside to the barn. When I woke up I woke up to him pouring something on me. I thought it was water, but then I thought to myself how could water have such an awful smell to it' However, then I saw the gas can. All I remember from that night was his look in his eyes. I could read his eyes; they were filled with power and accomplishments. When I woke up in the hospital, no one was around me. Not even my mother who I went to go save. On that very day, September 14, 1994, I vowed to myself to better my life and move one. A wise man once said, you can’t help or change those that don’t want the help. Presently, I am now 21 years old and living successfully as a counselor for young teens having trouble with their lives. I am also going to school sharing my stories to let everyone know that their not alone and that there is someone out there that will listen and help them. What I went through though was rough. I believe that I am the one that suffered the most from my parents. I realized that before you go on to loving someone else you have got to respect yourself and find happiness within yourself before you can find it in someone else. I learned thought life goes on; I must not live in the past but better my future. The hardest part about each day is getting up every morning, looking at myself in the mirror, and replaying that night like it was yesterday. I have to live with the burns on my face and my body and there isn’t anything that I can do to cover them. I know you all might be wondering, what happened to my ‘loving father” or mother' Well, nothing did. They ended up staying together going through the same routine they had done my whole life. After that, I realized that God put me on this planet and gave me to those worthless parents to show me that I have the strength to overcome anything anyone bring at me.