Narrative

Many people notice me as soon as I walk by. All the guys will look, whistle, and wish i was with them. All the Girls hate me. Why ' Most probably out Jealousy or envy.They all want to live in a chic avenue as i do or pick all the latest hand bags and have all kind of shoes. I seem like a confident, rich, classy brat, but in reality thats not who i am but rather who i want to be.But who am i ' Im probably one of the worst people you can know. Im the kind of girl your parents warned you about when you were back in high school. Let me , tell you my story. My name is Nermine, yes i know its weird and no i am not French.I have lived here , in Paris , since the age of 18. I came here for studies, i had no money to pay my uni and my rent, i was desperate and my parents barely gave me any money to eat. I needed a job, a job that granted easy money. All those girls who wanted to be me, i was ready to give absolutely any thing to be like them, and to correct the mistake i did. As all juicy stories, It ass started in University. My friends and i all attended the American University of Paris, where we all studied, played, and slept-sometimes with each other.We all lived in huge apartments with our own bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. We had unlimited access to money,booze, drugs and whatever else we wanted.We wore glamorous clothes and we knew how to party. Speaking for myself , I had inherited classic good grades. So yeah, my life seemed perfect doesn't it' Well, it wasn't. All this started one evening ; I was tired, depressed,sad and in need of money. I had just finished my midterm exam, and in the hall way I met these girls that had it all. The beauty , the money, the clothes, the shoes… UGH. I was so jealous. They saw me starring at them and started to walk towards me. At first I thought they were going to tease me, hopefully they ended up asking me to hangout with them. Ofcorse, I said yes with no hesitation.I was a new student there, I had no friends and no boyfriend. I thought that would be a good opportunity for a change.Many guys notice me that for sure, Im beautiful, skinny and i have brains, but however the fact that i had no money to buy the latest clothes and to wear a different outfit everyday pushed them away. So yeah, the fact that they were physically appealing, made me want to hang out with them.We had a blast when we went out for coffee, they were all so cool, classy and funny. Later that evening, they invited me to go clubbing with them. At first i didn't want to because i Had no fancy dress to wear, but than Sirena, one of the girls, invited me over and said I can borrow some clothes for the night. When i want over her house and had a long talk with her, It was than that i understood how she got the money. She had a job, a job not like the other part time jobs. But however her world appealed to me. It was bit tough, but look at them, they all seemed so happy. " Are you sure you don't mind me borrowing something to wear for the night'" I asked Shamefully. " Are you serious girl '" Sirena said. She was already dressed. She was wearing knee high boots and this sexy metallic skirt." Ofcorse i don't mind. As long as we are friends, my closet is your closet darling." " Gee, thanks, what do you think about this dress' Its cute." " SAY WHAT 'Cute ' who cares if you look cute or not. You need to look sexy.Halloween was a month ago darling! No way are you going out with us wearing a knee length skirt!" Sirena screamed, while serving herself a fine scotch. Apparently , Sirena was from a family were drinking was as common as blowing their nose. She grew up, having access to alcohol. Her parents believed at that time the more their kids had access to alcohol the less likely they are to abuse it later in life, which is not Sirena's case. " How about this red top ' Or actually no this black strapless top, with these shorts to show these sexy legs of yours. This Red Gucci heels, red lipstick, smoky eye and there… PERFECT." " Isn't that too vulgar'" i pointed out. " Who cares '" Sirena said stamping her feet. " In now days vulgar is another word for beauty, girl! Get your ass dressed quickly, i don't want to be late to my job! " " If you say so" i answered hesitantly. " What did you say ' Job ' Aren't we going clubbing'" " Yes m'am, technically we are, i work there. But when i'm not working i'm partying." " What do you mean you work there ' You work at the bar ' You serve drinks to people '" " No silly, Im a stripper" " A STRIPPER' Isn't that a bitch'" I asked shockingly. " A bitch' Well, i heard that a lot. I don't think so. A bitch is a female dog. A dog barks, a bark is a part of a tree. A tree is part of nature. Nature is beautiful so.. YES thank you, Ill take that as compliment. "I have never thought of it , that way. Thats one way of seeing it" I giggled " Dude , How do you think we all can afford Jimmy Chou, Channel, Christian Dior, Hermes, Louis Vuitton, Cartier and all the other brands' Last year before starting to work , we all had barley enough money to survive and look at us now. Its some serious money girl. If your having money problems, you should give it a try." That night , thanks to my smile, as soon as i asked the boss to work, he said yes with no hesitation. My smile was the kind of smile you might try to imitate in front of your bathroom mirror like an Idiot. The kind of smile super models spend years perfecting. Well, I smiled that way without even trying. Speaking about perfection, MICHAEL DUPONT, the boss, was extremely handsome, aftershave commercial handsome. But ofcorse like all handsome men, he had a girlfriend. However i didn't care. It was love at first sight. My dream became my nightmare. I loved him. I loved him dearly since the first night.I wanted him to love me back, but at that point it was to late, because i had sold every part of my pride and innocence. To him, i was just another worker In his huge , famous , well known club. Plus, he had a girlfriend, a classy one, one that is maybe not as pretty and cute as i was, but at least she was clean and classy. If only i had met him before getting myself into this. I regretted! I was sure there were other ways of getting money, but at that time I was desperate and that job was my only way of getting money that fast. But i mean, look at me , I was rich, i moved to a rich classy street, and all men wanted me; But yet i was not satisfied. I wanted to fight for him. If i wasn't able earn his love, i was ready to fight for his lust. At that point , i didn't care whether he was mine and only mine, or if he loved me or not, all i knew is i wanted him and that i needed him. Every night, before going out there I imagined that he was the only one watching; he was the reason I woke up in the morning the reason i breath, walk , talk, and study. I knew I had no chances , I knew he was taken.I knew he was hers.Not until that day, that day was MY day, a special day: The 24 October 1999, when i caught his gaze. He was looking at me, he was interested, it showed on his eyes. He watched every single movement i did, carefully. He gazed at ,e for such a long time, it made me feel so special. When you think about it, it sounds so lame. How can a simple gaze mean so much ' How can one man effect me this way ' How can one look and smile give me so much hope ' U knew there was a big possibility that he doesn't even remember my name and that he didn't look at me that way i thought he did, but i didn't care,the hope in me, make me want him even more. I wanted to stop being what i am, get my studies back on track and change for him. But i knew if i did so i wont see him anymore, i knew this job was the only solution for me to see him everyday. I was at the bar with Selina and the girls right after our performance when Michael came and called my name. Wow, he remembered my name.The way he called my name wasn't like the others. It sounded so beautiful. It sounded like a complete different name. AGH! I can stay hours listening to him say me name again and again. " Nermine" my name suddenly sounded not so wired and so beautiful. Anyway , so lets get back to the matter in hand. He came and spoke to me! Michael Dupont, spoke to moi. " Nermine , hey there sweetie, you were great up there, " He smiled at me. " Gee, thank you. Y-Y-Yo-You remember my name'" "Ofcorse i did sweetie! I never forget a pretty girls name." "Aw, Th Th Tha-a-nk you." I blushed. "Keep up the good work, and pass by my office tomorrow babe." " O-kay. I will That night I want back home and I was sure, he liked me. It showed in his eyes and also in the way he spoke to me.I was ready to bet my life on it. It was obvious, I mean a blind man and he would have noticed that he was into me.I wasn't able to sleep, all i did is think again and again about our conversation. When i finally wanted and needed to sleep cause i remembered that i had class the next day at 11:00 am, I started counting sheep like always in order to be able to sleep; only this time for every sheep, I saw his beautiful face with the soft skin pass by. The next day, was another rainy, gloomy day, however for me the rainy, cloudy sky was so bright and joyful. My classes passed by so slowly and i couldn't wait for the night in order to see him again. That night… he was there, looking even better than yesterday, but he was with her. She was in his arms, pointing,laughing at us. He was laughing too and acted as if he never spoke to me. Not even one single gaze.I felt betrayed. My heart was broken into one thousand pieces and i wasn't able to preform that night. That Bastard! That Jerk tricked me. It was all a game for him. But i don't blame him. I blame the girls, i blame Serina. When i was crying backstage, she came up to me and we had a pretty long conversation about all this and apparently thats what he does to all the new girls in order to get them in his be, when his rich fiance, or even better that skanky BITCH is out of town. Why didn't she tell me ' Why didn't she warn me ' A year passed by and i was still stuck in that place acting as someone who i don't even recognize. I was different, I didn't trust anyone. I felt so insecure. It was so ironic and paradoxical. The big, naughty show girl, that turned hundred of guys on overnight, felt like a tiny little girl inside. A little girl, confused and stuck in world she doesn't belong too. I wanted my mommy, i want to be able to go home and sleep and cry in the arms of my mom. But how can i ' how can i ever go back to my country and see her face again' She would be so disappointed of the girl i became. She doesn't deserve all this. I barley am able to answer the phone when she calls and our conversations never last more than one minute. For a girl that was very close to her mother throughout her childhood and teenage, that is very had to digest.Life was had for me and i was not ready to go back to Morocco not in a million years. But one day, all this changed. Another day to remember, 18 November 2000. I barley remember the dates of any occasion, except my birthday and my mamas birthday. So yeah, that day, the club was full; Near the bar was three tables full of young men. There men were all in their twenties. Apparently it was some kind of bachelor party or something like that. There was this guy there that looked so handsome. His smile, his harm his body, everything was perfect. He didn't seem rich though.I got used to dating only guys that have a ride, and that dress up really well. But this one was different; his face made it up for all the other flaws. But than i was like ' Damn girl, wake up, there is no freaking way that HE will look at you. No guy would want a striper as a girlfriend.' . I didn't want to get heart broken again, so i decided not to look at him. However, I couldn't stop myself from noticing he was starring at me, but i didn't care. Well i did. But still i prefer convincing myself not to care. Once again after my performance, I was at the bar, and he came to talk to me. Since than my life changed. Three happy years passed. I don't remember my self being happy since … forever. I have every thing i ever wanted. What happened to me ' Well, remember the young handsome man ' The not so well dressed up one in the club i told u about ' Well, he ended up being a prince. YES, a PRINCE. Apparently he wasn't dressed so well because it was his best friend, Jim's, bachelor party and he wanted the spot lights to be on him. I told him all my story and how i ended up being a show girl and he helped me become a better person. A person who i always wanted to be. A person who was always inside me, but i needed someone to make that better version of me come out.