Myths_on_Sexual_Harassment

Myths and Misconceptions about Sexual Harassment STORIES He told people I was his fiance January 25th, 2010 Nina I was seriously stalked by a guy that studied in the same college as me. He first introduced himself personally and afterwards began to send letters that were freaky and contained a lot of private info what made me realize that for sure he cracked my password and read my e-mails. Things got worse with time and he began to follow me home and stuff like that. He sent his friends to ask me why did I break-up with him. He even told people I had been his fiance. The weird thing is that I NEVER met him before so no way we dated or something in the past (though he truly thinks we were together). He then was working at the same place as me and I had to talk to my boss who managed to get him a kind of restriction rule so he couldn’t’t approach me there. After, I moved to another country and surprise, he got a job in the same place, so i had to live with that for some more years. Again, i had to talk to my new boss as he applied for a job in the same working group i was working in. Finally he left the country. But then yesterday I found out that he is coming back again. It seems that he found a new job in the same city and I am worried about it. He mentioned to a colleague that as he had a girlfriend there (in the place I live and where he used to live) he wanted to move back. I am scared that he is moving back because of me. This has more than ten years (thirteen indeed) and I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to some authority' I don’t have any real proof of his stalking, the only thing I have is the word of another head of the office that was actually threatened by this guy through e-mails in the past. (He is violent too.) I cannot remain silent January 15th, 2010 Mary, Georgia, USA and Amsterdam, NL I joined a global, primarily male dominated electronics company 3 years ago. My intention was to continue my career in a productive way with a global company in whom opportunities were plentiful for seasoned executives who delivered/exceeded expectations. To my great misfortune, I reported to what can only be described as a deeply insecure executive threatened by my knowledge and experience. Things at were great at first – my VP to whom I reported was delighted with my findings and action plans to repair our brand’s relationship with our consumers post purchase. However, after a few months, I scheduled an appointment with my VP to review remaining year plans. Immediately upon entering his office he asked me “How old are you'” in an accusatory, angry tone. I responded “47 why'” to which he responded “Goddammit – if I’d known you were that old I never would have hired you.” The meeting deteriorated from there where I was berated, belittled and told I needed to prove my worth to the company. Shaken, I left the office confused and bewildered, particularly after being told only a few weeks prior that I was acknowledged as the best hire of 2006. From that moment forward, this same VP embarked on a full-on attack of sexual harassment. In front of male IBM vendor contacts at a team event, the VP announced “Hey Mary – we have a great idea for you. We think you should wear low cut jeans, a thong and get a snake tattoo down your butt with the tale sticking out of the top of your thong.” All the men were laughing in a taunting way. I felt mortified, objectified and embarrassed. These vendors were those I had to manage for performance improvement. This objectification made it nearly impossible. In another meeting with more vendor contacts, this same VP said “I have a special video Mary will like.” He proceeded to pull up a YouTube video on the overhead showing a zealous school marching band drummer who in fact appeared to be masturbating. He played the video over and over again repeating “This is for Mary.” The vendors in the room looked at me with empathy and the VP responded “I guess this is an HR issue but they expect this from me so it’s no issue.” The objectification continued – when I would make presentations, this VP would first comment on my looks, good or bad, make old jokes, etc. Finally in August I confronted him with it, advising it made me uncomfortable and could he please curb the behavior. This was in a one-on-one. He apologized – seemingly sincerely – and indicated he would be more cognizant. The very next day, he was announced he’d purchased me a gift, a small paperweight shaped like a construction cone with the word “bitch” written on it. Two weeks later, he had arranged a meeting with me and HR, claiming a vendor had complained about me and that she would quit if I continued my behavior. I was stunned as this vendor and I had become friends. I went to the vendor employee and she was stunned as well saying she had no idea what I was talking about. I reported back to the VP and he said “well you know she is a liar and I’m telling you this happened.” This is when I knew he’d retaliated against me and I needed to be very careful going forward. Many instances of public berating, calling me a liar, idiot, undermining me. In another team event, in his drunken stupor, he grabbed my hand – again in front of male employees – and put it on his penis. He lead a public chorus of boos when I was presented an award by a colleague (in good fun) and I left the party depressed, humiliated, confused, isolated and unclear where to go. In spite of all this, based on my performance, the General Manager over Global Service asked if I would come to Europe and help with the service organization. I had a good relationship with this gentleman and saw this as my opportunity to extricate myself from the US VP, expand my experience and regain my professional footing. I accepted the opportunity but oddly the details were very slow in coming. The harasser kept telling me “It’s because you’re too old and corporate doesn’t want to invest in you.” Finally, I was provided the job offer (after 6 months from time it was offered to me) and I moved to Europe. Within 1 month, the harasser was announced as replacement of General Manager and I would again be reporting to him here in Europe. I was devastated. The harassment escalated in Europe – barging in on meetings with male colleagues where I was the only woman “What’s up – Mary giving everyone blow jobs'” On and on – I documented everything. I spoke with him again but his response now was “Hey – we’re in Europe now. All bets are off.” Turns out he was right. He moved into an apt. across the canal from me and made it clear he watched me. And he was right – he was able to recount my comings and goings in one weekend which ultimately made me finally put my foot down and go to HR. Devastated, I provided HR my rolling document of harassment, ageism and hostile work environment asking to be sent home and paid through end of my contract. They were slow to respond, but after I engaged an attorney, the company conducted a soft investigation and everything I’d reported was corroborated by witnesses. They offered me a sizable settlement by Dutch employment standards which my attorney acknowledges is as good as an admission of guilt. A condition of the settlement was that I remain silent on the topic. I decided not to accept the settlement. In these 6 months, I learned there had been numerous complaints in the US against this VP and thus I cannot remain silent on this issue, particularly when during these 6 months I’ve learned the extent of this problem in cross industries. Just today – 6.5 months after my first call for help, while I remain employed I have been stripped of my responsibilities and have learned just this morning my international insurance policy has been cancelled. It is true – the harassment was bad enough over the years. But the retaliation, lack of process and genuine empathy has almost been worse. I agree it’s time to stand up….I cannot be embittered but rather empowered by this. The time is approaching for women to pave the way for the next generation…! We are here for each other and women have enormous spending power. We can influence Brand behavior by exorcising our power, staying strong together and helping human beings recognize human frailties exist at all levels of management, result in different behaviors (in ourselves and even harassers) and stay focused on positive change for the betterment of those who follow behind us. I deeply appreciate this site.