My_Life

MY LIFE 1 My Extra Extraordinary Life Danielle Bordé PSY202 Lynn Ruffner April 15, 2012 MY LIFE 2 My Extra Extraordinary Life 1. What things do you remember about your childhood' a. Dad was in the Navy and away b. Parents getting divorced c. Moving and making new friends e. Sending videos to my Dad 2. What did you want to become when you grew up' a. Engineer b. Doctor c. Architect 3. What are your greatest achievements so far' a. My children b. My job c. Going to school 4. What are your personal, professional, and academic goals' a. Honors b. Becoming a teacher MY LIFE 3 My Extra Extraordinary Life Most people would not think anything of my life but, I think so far it has been extra extraordinary. I will describe brief events from my 25 short years of life that have helped mold me into the person I am today. I will talk about experiences that were bad and experiences that were wonderful. Using the materials we have learned in class I will explain how it relates to my past, present and future. I grew up with my father in the Navy. He was a nuclear mechanic on submarines. My mother met my father when they were both 18. They got pregnant with my first sister, Heather, and me 2 years later. My father being on a submarine nine months out of the year was difficult for us growing up. Especially my mom, she had 4 girls to look after while he was gone. She later on in life turned to drinking. I remember moving a lot. When people ask me where I grew up my response is everywhere. I have lived in South Carolina, North Carolina, Florida, Alabama, Washington State, Idaho, Tennessee, Georgia and lastly Virginia. I cannot remember what state I was in at what grade until I reached third grade. This was a huge year for me and my family. My father finally took a desk job. We were living in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. My parents seemed to do better when they were apart. They fought all the time now that he was home. My parents got divorced a year after living in Tennessee. It was a nasty divorce, the type that lasted for years and multiple court dates, social workers, lawyers, belittling of the other parent to us kids. It really was some of the worst years of my life. As the fighting got worse, so did my mother’s drinking. My father was trying to pursue full custody of us girls. I really believe I was way too young to know any of the behind the scenes stuff my parents divulged to us. The first year through the divorce my father came to me with information I believed to be a lie. He told me he was not my biological father, and he said he was only telling me because he was afraid my mother would have done it and it would have been worse for me. I was 9 mind you, so I laughed but when I knew he was serious I cried for days. My mother MY LIFE 4 used this as a tool to “get back at him.” She said nasty hateful things. I was told I didn’t have to see him, by my mother of course. I didn’t see or speak to my dad for a whole year, to this day I regret that time more than anything in this world. I wish I had known the impact it would have had on me when I got older. Years went on and my mother eventually moved to Georgia with us and my dad moved to Virginia. We lived in Georgia traveling every weekend to see my dad; this was a ten hour car ride. My mother eventually gave up on us. She was drinking at work, at home, in the car, it was horrible. She let my dad have us. I was fourteen years old. I moved to Virginia, I was so upset at my dad for making us come live with him. At this point in my life I was a horrible student, I had very low self-esteem, and I kept myself busy with the one thing I loved, soccer. I had been playing soccer since I was 4. It was the one thing I felt I could do right and the one thing where I could escape all my problems at home and school. When I moved to Virginia with my dad I had to ultimately give up that as well. I was most upset about having to leave my soccer team more than my mother. I was signed up immediately for the travel team here in Virginia. I made the team and my world was slightly better again. Since I moved in the middle of eighth grade year, I was behind in all of my school work already. I hated school. School for me was a very traumatic experience. I was always the new girl, I was always behind, I wasn’t popular or part of any category, and I just existed in the halls as another warm body. Once I reached high school I had a few friends but not like a close relationship like most the girls my age had with each other. A man named Sigmund Freud theorized that our early childhood experiences and memories play a central role in personality development and its inherent problems. (Witt & Mossler, 2010) This theory, I believe to be true. Because I moved around so much and had such bad memories of school, I had a hard time developing relationships with other kids my age. When you are the new kid MY LIFE 5 you’re embarking on friendships that have been set before these girls have been in school. Of the few friends had, which looking back I am sure just used me for a ride or an alibi to their parents, they were not good influences. By my senior year I started skipping school on a regular basis. I worked at a place called Ledo’s Pizza. I worked as a server. I met a guy that would change my life in some drastic ways. His name was Joey Irle. He was 23 years old, which at the time was 5 years older than me. I met him towards the end of my senior year. I skipped school even more just to hang out with him. I, by the grace of god, finished high school. I moved in with him in his apartment. He lived with two roommates. Somehow we made it work. We, on a whim, decided to get married. It was September 17, 2005. It was probably one of the most irrational decisions of my life. We got married and moved into our own apartment. Around Valentine’s Day, I found out I was pregnant. I cannot describe my overwhelming emotions at the time. I was excited, scared, unsure, and confused. When I told Joey he could have cared less. It was obvious he did not want a baby. He never came out and said it but, he never showed interest in my pregnancy. Months went on I was miserable, working at a restaurant till midnight and trying to pay bills. Life was so tough not to mention, many nights I would sit at home till two a.m. wondering where my husband was. He worked at a bar and I never saw him. He started drinking at work and one night, three months before I was due, he got arrested for DUI. This was his second DUI in 5 years. He had to pay for a lawyer. We ended up getting kicked out of our apartment because we couldn’t afford it and had to move in with his parents. I had to drive an hour each way to work because they lived so far out. By this point in our relationship, he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. I was very naive to all of it. We barely spoke. MY LIFE 6 I had my daughter, Ivy Lynne Irle, on October 21, 2006. Joey was there for the birth and stayed till we left, but after we got home he was up to his usually antics. I never saw him; we fought all the time .He ended up going to jail because of his DUI and we split up. I moved in with his sister and four other people. It was a tight space but I had no choice. I had nowhere else to go and couldn’t afford anything else. I was very depressed and lonely. If I didn’t have my daughter I don’t know what I would have done. She saved my life. I really believe that having her was a blessing. At this time I was working a Gold’s Gym in the kids club. Somewhere around June 2007, I met a man who brought his kids into the kids club. His name was Kory Borde. We started small talk here and there. I really liked him. He had two boys, ages 4 and 6. Around Christmas time we were hanging out and texting all the time. I had decided to move to Roanoke, which was four hours away from where I was. I decided to move there so I could live with my dad and try and get my life together for me and my daughter. Kory was upset but understood. I moved there and was even lonelier. I spoke to Kory every single day. I had never got along with someone so well. There was one problem, he was 37 years old. That was 17 years older than me. His age wasn’t a huge deal to me but, it was hard to get used to. He would drive down every weekend to see me. It was a lot on him. It’s a 4 hour drive. Each time he had to leave was harder on us. He came down one time and asked me to move in with him, that he couldn’t keep driving four hours and he wanted to be with me. I said yes. By August 8, 2008 we were engaged. I had never been happier. It was a very healthy relationship, which I wasn’t used to. We had mutual respect for one another, trust, honesty, support, fairness/equality, separate identities, and good communication. (The Nemours Foundation, 1995) Ivy’s father still wasn’t in the picture. He saw her maybe 5 times since the day she was born and not once after she turned one. Kory MY LIFE 7 was the man she called daddy. We waited quite a while to get married considering we were both married before. On January 2, 2010 we got married outside of the Jefferson Memorial. It was so cold that day. We had talked about having a child of our own. We had so much love for each other we wanted one more together. By March 2010, we were pregnant. I felt so blessed. I had been through such a rough life and finally it was perfect. Our son, Carson Alan Borde, was born November 5, 2010. Around Christmas time we had sent papers to my ex-husband trying to get him to let Kory adopt Ivy and change her last name. Joey didn’t hesitate he signed them and sent them back to my lawyer. January 2011 the judge signed and Ivy was officially Ivy Lynne Borde. Our family was whole. I started off my early childhood in a bad place. I was unsure of myself, shy, nervous. I didn’t have self-esteem, I had no friends, and I felt like I was going down a black hole. I used everything bad that happened in my life as a source to rise above and become better and do better. I always say my mother taught me one thing and that’s what not to do. My dad taught me to adapt and overcome all negative influences and turn them positive. For all that I have endured I am a very positive patient person. I don’t feel like life owes me anything, I feel like I have a lot to give and I want to give it. I am only 25 and so far my life has been pretty extraordinary. References: Witt, G.A., & Mossler, R.A. (2010). Adult development and Life Assessment. Retrieved from https://content.ashford.edu/books/AUPSY202.10.2 TeenHealth.org. (1995). The Nemours Foundation. Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/healthy_relationship.html#