Men_Are_Abused_Too

Why can’t People See Men are Abused Too' Because of the reports from women, men are seen as very violent. No one knows how violent women really are, but there are reports and investigations that show how violent women can be. If more men would report the assaults from women then there would be more knowledge on how men are abused. This is for the knowledge of those who aren’t aware of the amount of cases on violence against men from the women they are in relationships with... “271 scholarly investigations: 211 empirical studies and 60 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners.  The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 365,000” (Fiebert). There are many different relationships. Some relationships involve a man and a woman, woman and woman, and man and man. However, many see a relationship consisting of a man and woman. We all experience different emotions in relationships… happiness, sadness, anger, and sometimes confusion. Through that time we all are involved with that one that gives us the feeling that we are loved. Love… the word is defined in many ways by many different people. We work with our partner to maintain that feeling that makes the relationship grow. Sometimes trying to help that relationship evolve, people start to experience abuse which could be mental, emotional, verbal or physical. When relationships are to the point of abuse, the one encountering the abuse should flee from the relationship because the next time it could be worse, but that seldom happens. Most relationships revolve around abuse, and a great deal of the time the one being abused feels that love is being expressed at that moment, which in reality it isn’t. “According to statistics on spousal abuse, one-third to one-half of adult women has been abused by her spouse or significant other. It is estimated that over half of the attacks on women are perpetrated by someone they know, usually a husband or a boyfriend. Domestic violence is usually a response by the male in an effort to control, physically, mentally and/or emotionally, his female partner” (Reade). As you can see when hearing about abuse in a relationship the average person would think the persons being abused are the women, but have anyone really thought about the men that encounter abuse' This is where I speak out for the men! You rarely hear about male abuse, and that is because many men are ashamed to admit that they are going through it. “There are a few cases of male abuse which get reported but do not make news. When people hear of this form of abuse they usually wonder why he didn't hit her back. He loved her, that's why. Why doesn't he just leave' It's because he still loves her. Though there are many reasons for not reporting male abuse the most common reason is simply that he still loves his wife. There are shelters for battered women but have you ever heard of any form of aid for the abused man' I haven't. To my knowledge there are none in existence. The actions, the results, and the abuse it is all the same for both sexes. If men were not too proud, to embarrassed, too stupid to report it you would probably see a very distinct difference in abuse statistics.” (Roe) There is a great deal of women abusing men which has been said to be self defense, but no one ever really just thought about it. With this there aren’t any real stats on the men being abuse. This gives women the upper hand, and makes it harder for men; however, there are some women who are just unappreciative. There is a great deal of men providing for families. They work all day while their wives stay home to take care of the house and keep the children. These men take pride in knowing that they have a wife at home and kids, and making sure that their family never need for anything. The men work long hours sometimes, and may come in extra late, and women begin to feel that their husbands are gone too much, and that they need him home. Have you ever thought that if he doesn’t work the things you want wouldn’t exist, but only in stores' Men encounter more mental, emotional, and verbal abuse than people think. There are other men that also encounter physical abuse. From speaking to a few men they feel that women can be more abusive. They also feel that they give a lot of love in their relationships, but the women won’t show it back. “She never appreciated the things I did… the money and everything. She took everything I had and sold in it in the end.” (Crawford) They hear negative feedback about how lazy they are, how late they come home from work, and sometimes they have to deal with a wife that won’t do anything for them. They have to come home, and have to do the house work on their own. Because of the view that most see women as being the abuse, Not only that they are now being abuse by the media because of the few men that stand in the category of being no good. Women made men seem like all the evil in the world was because of men. “By the 1970s, feminists had lapsed into an orgy of male-bashing. Men were stereotyped as insensitive, controlling, sexual harassers, batterers, and rapists. Eventually the phrase "male-dominated" became a short-hand expression for anything that was wrong with society” (Roberts). That doesn’t mean that all women are evil, and all women are bad. I am only talking about the women who stand in this category of being unappreciative, self centered, and an abusive woman who tend to be naïve about what a good man is, and what a good relationship consist of. I feel that a woman could have a good man, and the abuse would stop if she would stop accepting the bad guy, understand that a good man will work so some days will be long ones when he’s working, and to keep that good man you should be a good spouse or girlfriend, and show you appreciate him. If women would take out the time to find a good man, and stop accepting the bad guy, then she may be able to avoid the abuse. I am not alone on the way I feel because I talk to a few women that agree that women can be just as abusive, or even more than a male. “Male bashing isn’t ok because all men aren’t the same” (Leroy) I mean yes, in school the bad guy is what every woman wanted, but when you are older it is time to let the bad guy go. Start looking toward a future for yourself. If you forever want the bad, the good could never happen. Why say you want a good man, and always accept the bad' The era of wanting the tough or bad guy should stop. There should be a point in your life you feel that a man with a career is worth having. You seem to always want that man, but don’t do what it takes. I am aware there are career men that are abusive too, but that abuse usually stems from being scorn by their woman. A lot of men are willing to be good to their woman as long as they know you are going to be good to him. From the interview that I had with the few men they all felt that they would work hard for their woman, but they feel that a few women will not show that they appreciate them. Some say because of the way they are treated they slap their women around, and others said they wouldn’t because it isn’t worth it. There are mixed feeling in the men, and women are not aware of the fact they are part of the emotional roller coaster men are on. Have women ever just thought that a man think the same way' “They want a good woman also, so the feelings about wanting someone good are mutual. I have had different conversations with men who feel that there aren’t many good women out there. “All women do is use the men for what they can get, and break their hearts.” (Crawford) They want proof just like women want proof. They feel that their time is wasted on women. Some feel they will not waste their time on a woman, but for sex. From the interviews, some women are the cause of how they are treated. (Randy) claimed he was the abuser in his relationship and felt that he wasn’t appreciated. “I was working over the road and she would be mad because I was gone, but the work was for her” Many men work long hours, and work hard. They would rather their wives stay home with the children. They work long hours to make sure that the family life is maintained, and everyone lives comfortably, but the women can’t accept the fact of their husband coming home late in the night. This causes conflicts which arguments, and leads to verbal and emotional abuse. In the best of all possible worlds verbal bashing would make no difference to levels of societal violence sometimes because of the verbal and emotional abuse it becomes physical. Men tend to get more emotional and verbal abuse than anything. You rarely hear about it because they are afraid of being embarrassed because it is not common to hear a male say he’s been abused. “Who would believe a 6'6" man weighing in at 250 lbs. who said my little 5'4" wife of 110lbs blacked my eye' Right, no one would believe it. The men don't report their abuse for a number of reasons. 1. It is a very embarrassing situation. 2. They really do love their spouse. 3. The woman's side of the story would be more believable. 4. The woman could claim self defense. The list could go on and on but you get the point. Men are just not going to report abuse by their spouse for any reason.” (Roe) By men not being able to speak out about the abuse, they become vulnerable which causes them to become physical because they feel over powered by the verbal abuse from the woman, and they try a lot of the times to restrain from blowing their tops. Some of the time the abuse men inflict on women comes from them retaliating from the women physically abusing them. Many men try to walk away, but because the women know that their men won’t hit them they use that to their advantage. Majority of the time they fail at it because they don’t know what to do. I have had guys say that they have walked away, and in doing so, their women would walk behind them hitting them, and they continue walking. Men can take so much. They are human too. Some of the abuse stems from previous relationships, and there are some who believe that past relationships shouldn’t be brought into the current one. “A person should not take past instances into new relationships. Instead of going into a new relationship scared… take out the time by yourself to heal, to refrain from taking abuse into a relationship with someone new.” (Shaneeca) If a person continues to hit you, you will walk away, but you will have to defend yourself, and many of us won’t walk away with the first strike from anyone. So, imagine taking blow after blow, and he hits her to stop her from hitting him again, she gets made enough to pick something up to hit him, and he hits her again. This is a scenario that happens almost daily. If the woman would be just a little more understanding it could make everything a little better. With women complaining about every little thing it causes the male more stress. I mean face it, he is already stressed out because the boss may yell, he’s trying to make sure the bills are paid, trying to keep the clothes on his family’s back, etc. just to come home to a wife or girl friend who doesn’t appreciate all he’s doing. I think that some abusive situations could be prevented if women would just work with their man instead of against him. Compromise is a must in all relationships. If women appreciated the hard work and dedication of their husbands or boyfriends, men wouldn’t blow their tops so easily. How would you if you feel if you came through the door, and had to prepare your own food' This is where they’re getting emotionally and mentally abused. The man expects to go to work, come home, and have a meal to eat. That doesn’t mean he’s treating the woman like a slave… that means he’s just looking for appreciation and gratitude. When a man works to the sweat of his brow, he’s showing gratitude to that woman. Some men show it with gifts, and others show it with money, but it is shown. I am aware that all men don’t give gifts to show gratitude, but they show it by working every day, and coming home to their families (the men who do this). With women not showing that their husbands and boyfriends are appreciated, it doesn’t help the way a man feel about himself. This scars their ego, and doesn’t help the relationship at all. Both should work hard to appreciate one another, but it seems that it seldom works that way. Yes, the man show that he is proud, and nothing bother him, but that isn’t the case. From my own personal experiences, men get emotional, and want to feel appreciated too. They would like to hear a thank you sometimes. Why can’t women just put themselves in the shoes of the man' If the woman wants to be appreciated, want their feelings to be considered or not hurt, why don’t they think they men want the same thing' Men have feelings too. Many men go through abuse, but it isn’t noticed like the abuse of women. I am speaking out for the men. Show the same respect to the men as you would the women. Women show that your man is appreciated because the men have feelings too. Abuse isn’t for one side (just the women) because men go through abuse too. Abuse could be avoided if women would find better men, and stop accepting the bad guy, understand that a good guy works, and sometimes it takes overtime, and learn to appreciate the man better for things to work out.