Media

MIRAGE… An illusion that keeps your hopes alive… ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am in the desert, in the real desert…… looking for the joys that I was seeking all these years. Pursuing the worldly pleasures and out of the necessity for survival I transported myself to the sand dunes thinking that this would bring me to the oasis. But the coming two years look bleaker than ever, apart from the flourishing money and bank balance I see nothing that will make me live like a human being, the kind that I wanted to be all these years. This brings me to think that you are not supposed to think about yourself, your pleasures, the things that you wanted to do in your life. Sometime I wonder what I really want to do in my life. I was never clear as to who I wanted to be in my life but I was always clear in my mind what I didn't want to be. I am a hedonist; I have always been…..a hedonist. Joy, which is what I need. And I have only been able to find it when I am alone or with my best friends or when commune with Nature. My village and my family have always been close to me and that's where I find joy. Money doesn't allure me much, I never felt gravitated towards material possession, though I felt a sporadic attraction towards it….. But the world is so cruel that it makes one go for something that he doesn't want in his life. The case is no different in my case as well. Obligations and responsibilities are so binding that one will have to sacrify everything for these words. I am too obliged by these two words which I will have to bear for my entire life. But why choose a desert and desert your family, that's the question that keeps coming to my mind. The answer is that I have opted for it!!! The reason, in materialistic term, you can say, the urgent need of money!!!! But to me this is a punishment I am imposing upon myself for the faults I have done all these years to myself and to my family. I am repenting….I needed to be jettisoned to rescue a capsizing ship to avoid keeling over. And I am sure I will be back on the deck once the ship is steadied back to normalcy. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Qatar, the place I least expected to be in, Journalism, the course I never expected to study, Madhya Pradesh, the place I hardly ever thought to revisit. But I don't know why those things have to happen, may be it has some reasons. The reasons I am still not able to figure out. Although it never did any disservice to me, it has supplemented and complemented in my endeavor towards excellence, though I never able to achieve them. I never quite delivered what others thought I was capable of. Even now I find it extremely difficult to grasp things about the functioning of an Office and I feel like an odd-man out in an office ambience. Though I am doing the job of a secretary here I am not quite here. And only time can make me gel here. I am finding it very difficult to cope with the surroundings here. I am getting the feeling that -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where do I find joy' This question always lingers in my mind. Now I think it's high time that I think seriously about my priorities. I always dream about living in a hut nearby a stream far far away from the city and civilization. A place where I am free from all bonds, a place where I can stay closer with the nature imbibing the freshness of that heavenly elixir, a place where I can be myself, just myself….living like a fr Sometimes I dream about standing on a precipice on a mountain peak looking down breathing fresh air. As I slowly raised my hand parallel to the ground and then slowly raised my head heavenward inhaling the freshness of the nature. There is nothing as exhilarating as this one to me. I always wanted to stay closer to the nature and that's where I find my ultimate joy, the eternal bliss……Here in this desert I feel like deserted, alone and stranded. All these might sound stupid and out of the world. Even I know this is insane even I concur. In this ultra modern world, where earning less money is considered as a crime may put me at odds. But it is not the money I am after. And the world is not just an oil field to me. I value the values. I value the unseen forces of the nature. Every time I find myself in a dilemma, I go for my inner voice which always proved fatal in the so-called realistic terms, putting at the receiving end of the criticism. When I look back I have earned nothing