Life

Cover page. I believe that my paper still needs some work. Maybe my intro could introduce my 3 point a little better rather than being so broad. I could also add some more detail to my 2nd and 3rd paragraphs. I think my 1st paragraph is the strongest point and my conclusion could use some work. The conclusion is rather short and I plan on adding to it. Project 1 Many things contribute to the making of who someone is and what they believe in. I am no exception. There are many variables in the equation known as my life. My families, friends, and environment are the main contributors. My life is full of noteworthy events and experiences. So what makes me, me' A few key points, events, experiences, as well as myself set goals stand out among the rest and really define who I am and what I stand for. A part of my life that really helped to shape me as a person was high school. The part of high school that was most significant to me was my time in football. Football did many things for me. It gave me discipline in many areas. Because of football I find it hard to complain about any situation or task at hand for me. No matter the physical and/or mental strain I am going through I can almost always say, “I have been through harder”. My new job consists of pretty extensive hours. I work 7am-5pm, five days a week. If I hadn’t had all of the early morning practices and two-a-day sessions I believe that these work hours would be excruciating. Another main point football made for me is my physical health. Even though I don’t play the sport any longer I still keep a healthy diet and managed schedule because it helps with my well being. My current schedule is composed mainly to be as similar to high school as possible because it worked out so well for me, and hopefully it continues to. An event that I consider defining in my life was when my mother graduated from college and gained her master degree. She was the first in the family to attend college. I remember everybody’s moods and behavior. The setting was great and the whole family was so proud. Since encountering this I decided I wanted to make my family feel this way for me. I want them to be as proud of me one day as they were of her on that day. Now that I am attending college I am the second in the family to do so. My goal is to receive at least my Bachelors degree, although a masters would be nice. And since my mom is helping to pay for my education I really am trying my hardest. My goal also consists of some minor parts, such as maintaining a B- GPA and obtaining my degree in the right amount of time. Doing things that makes others proud and boosts myself pride as well is is very important to me. About a year ago something took place that shaped me more than any other single event. While on my way home from our states capitol, Columbus, I ran out of gas in a small town about in hour away from my hometown. One of my friends met me there and brought enough gas for me to make it the rest of the way home. I was very grateful. This made me view my relationships with people differently, as well as reminding me of the “Golden Rule”. Treat others as you want to be treated. If I wasn’t kind to all the people that I interact with than I might have been out of luck and stranded in a ghost town. But since my friend knew I would have done the same for him he didn’t mind doing me a favor. This, not only made me appreciate my friends and family more, but taught me to treat everyone kindly and you’ll be returned the favor somehow, someway, someday. So again, what makes me, me' A variety of the things, but none as much as my discipline, pride and respect for others. I believe if everyone lived their lives with more discipline and self pride the world would be a much better place. And if people would treat others as they want to be treated our world problems would be decreased. Now, I am not saying everyone should live the way I do, but they should at least try to think the way that I think. I like the points you made! Your ideals in life are very inspirational. I would like to hear more about your high school years. Do you have a coach you look up too' Did you have any challenges you had to overcome' All in all this essay captured who you are. Develop your experiences more. Make me feel like I’m was there with you. Great Job! -Holly Mohler The points you made were very well thought and straight forward. The points are more clear in the conclusion than they are in the introduction, so possibly clarify them in the introduction' You were right in thinking your first paragraph is your strongest point. In the second paragraph add something about what people said to your mother about completing her masters' Add more detail overall. Otherwise, a very good paper! -Julia Finck Brandon Filipasic Project 1 College Writing Jan. 24, 2011