Keys_to_a_Successful_Relationship

Keys to a Successful Relationship Relationships are tough, especially these days with the pressure of the media. The media portrays relationships that are in reality the opposite of what they should be. Like me, a lot of us thought if you had the house, nice car, kids, good jobs and everything your heart desired materialistically then you were on your way to the perfect relationship. This could not be farther from the truth! My dad once told me that more money just meant bigger problems and I never understood that until I got older and realized that a perfect relationship has nothing to do with money, kids or where you live. My fiancé and I are not perfect. We have our ups and downs, but we have a relationship that works for the both of us. The key is that there are no keys. There is no one thing that makes our relationship perfect. Everyone has a different lock on their door which requires their own set of keys, keys that are custom made to fit your relationship. In my opinion, honesty and trust are the number one reasons why my current relationship is good. You can’t love someone and not trust them. I learned this the hard way from being deceived so much in past relationships, but you can't constantly question your significant other. You need to believe what they tell you as long as they are honest about it. If you don't have a good reason not to believe them then they will avoid you and keep other things from you too. Trust that they are telling you the truth until they give you a reason not to trust them. Nobody likes to be questioned like a little kid all the time. It will eventually alienate your significant other and cause problems. Communication is another very important key. You can't read your significant other's mind. If something is bothering you, don't let it fester to the point that it gets you agitated. Get it out in the open, otherwise you will stress over it and take it out on your significant other without them even knowing what the problem is. This makes for an unhealthy relationship because you have to find an outlet to relieve the problems. Communication is so very important because you have to be able to talk to your significant other about anything. Always make time for discussions. It doesn't have to be in a serious situation. You can communicate and still have a good time. Make sure you put at least one night a week aside to do something fun and at the same time you can share your feelings on certain subjects. Thinking back to the many relationships I've been involved with in the past, I realized that part of the reason they didn't work out was because of me. Growing up and being a mature, responsible adult is all about taking accountability for your past and taking control of your future. I always knew that I had weaknesses, but for some reason I could never admit it out loud because that made it real and I was not prepared to deal with reality. I always seemed to allow myself to be part of relationships that were detrimental to my emotional well being because I was afraid of being alone so I just accepted the situation I was in. I was made to question my likes, dislikes, and morals to the extent that I began to abandon them rather than merely assessing them. Therefore, I endeavoured to change myself to suit the likes/dislikes of the person I was with. At first I thought this was a great skill to have and I thought myself to be incredibly versatile, but now I know that my ability to put aside my own preferences was just because I was not comfortable with who I was and I found it easier to be everything for everyone else rather than be something to myself. I was so afraid of being rejected and not fitting in that I did and said anything. I compromised who I could have been over and over again ultimately ending up not knowing who I even wanted to be. After all these years, I have come to see that I am and always was an essentially good person who didn't have to be anyone else but me. After trying to reinvent myself a million times over I finally realized that "You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it!" My criterion for a successful relationship follows well with the textbook. Most of the readings in the textbook I can relate to, especially the communication. I have learned a great deal from this chapter and I plan on incorporating it in my current relationship as well as what I’ve learned from my past. Resources: Insel, Paul M., and Walton T. Roth. "Intimate Relationships and Communication." Connect Core Concepts in Health . 11th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2010. 95-121. Print.