Interpersonal_Communication

Communication is not an easy process. It involves verbal and non-verbal attempts to assist the other person to understand what we are trying to communicate. Yet it often fails. Communication occurs every day in our lives and it happens in every situation. All our daily activities require us to communicate in one form or the other. It is important to communicate in order to pass on information to people that we interact with. Communication is any action, verbal and nonverbal, which is conveyed by a person and received and understood by at least one other person. These actions or behaviors can be ideas, feelings, values and attitudes. When the receiver perceives the message, a meaning is obtained from the message. A relationship is formed between people as they engage themselves in a communication process. Communication can take place with or without words. Our communication output is composed of verbal, vocal and visual signs or signals. Verbal signals are words or speech that we speak. Vocal signals are the characteristics of our voice when we speak for example the tone, the volume or the speed of our speech and visual signals are all those actions that the receiver sees. These include facial expressions, body movement, posture and dress. Successful communication often goes by unnoticed, while poor communication becomes obvious. It is important that we identify the factors that contribute to poor communication. These factors become barriers to effective communication. Some of these barriers include: • Differences In Perception The way a person may interpret or understand a message vary from one person to the other. These may be influenced by life experiences, feelings or expectations. For example I find classic old hits to be relaxing and entertaining while my partner finds them too boring and out of date. • Poor Listening Skills Poor listening skill is also a barrier as it can lead to misunderstanding, incorrect perception, and it also discourages the speaker to continue speaking. • Different Attitudes and Cultural Insensitivity Everybody has different attitudes, values and cultural backgrounds which can cause different interpretations. A lot of misunderstanding can arise if we are not aware of others cultural beliefs, values or traditions. For example, it is not a common custom for a female to shake hands with a male in Islamic culture but it may be a sign of courtesy for another culture. • Inappropriate Message, Channel and Language It is important that we choose our words, messages, language and the communication channel appropriately because if we don’t we can create contradiction between spoken and nonverbal communication. For example sending an email to a person who cannot always access a computer can cause a communication barrier because the channel is inappropriate. • Noise or Interference Noise or interference which disrupts the message can make it difficult to grasp the message accurately, thus often leading to misinterpretation, confusion or unclear communication. For example, answering your mobile phone while in the middle of a conversation. • Inadequate Feedback Lack of feedback also causes a barrier. Without appropriate feedback there will be no further discussion or communication. Without feedback, communication is only one-way. • Ignorance or lack of courtesy or withholding of information by the sender can also make communication difficult. If people are to operate with only part of a message, mistakes are more likely to occur. Recognizing these and other causes of poor communication is an important step towards avoiding them. Effective interpersonal communication occurs when the conveyed message is perceived correctly, and you get the expected response from the receiver. One of the factors of effective communication is active listening. Being a good listener also means paying attention to the situation as well as the subject matter. Listening is the best way to understand people. You have to listen properly to understand the content, its meaning and be able to grasp the feeling of the speaker. If you get distracted you may miss out on important information being emphasized. We can improve our daily listening skills by practicing reflective listening. Bolton (1979) has said that reflective listening comprises of 4 specific skills: paraphrasing, reflecting feelings, reflecting meanings, and summative reflections. Paraphrasing is rephrasing the important parts of the message in your own words. The speaker then either agrees to your perception or disagrees and corrects the message. This helps to achieve a full understanding of the message. For example: YOU: I have under a lot of pressure lately because of all the changes happening at my work. I hardly have time to do anything for myself. I feel I’m so stressed. MY PARAPHRASING: I see, so you are stressed because of the recent changes at your work. YOU: That’s right. Reflecting feelings helps the speaker to focus on them. Reflective statements are made by expressing feelings you receive from the message. This lets the speaker know that you understand their feelings. For example: YOU: I am also very disappointed because I feel we were not given enough notice prior to the changes. I knew this was coming, but I didn’t expect such major changes so soon and I know it’s surely going to affect all staff. MY REFLECTIVE FEELING: Sounds like you are quite upset. Reflecting or clarifying statements confirms with the speaker that your understanding is correct. For example: MY REFLECTIVE STATEMENT: I’m not sure if I followed what you said before about staff… Summarizing is used to put together the main points discussed in a long conversation. For example: MY SUMMARIZING: The main reason why you are disappointed seems to be the new changes at your workplace and the fact that you were not given enough notification. Encouraging listening, shows that the person listening is genuinely interested. It allows the speaker to reveal more of their views, ideas and emotions. During the conversation some short responses by the listener shows that he/she is listening and encourages the speaker to continue. For example: MY ENCOURAGING RESPONSE: ‘Yeah, I can see why you are angry...’ etc along with an attentive posture. Appropriately asking of questions will provide an encouragement for the speaker to reveal more emotions and thoughts. For example: MY QUESTION: So how do you think these changes will affect all staff' Asking questions helps the speaker to be more precise and revealing. A nod in agreement, eye contact, or leaning forward, are examples of active listening. When you practice listening actively, you are paying full attention to what is being said so that you understand them and are able to reflect back your understanding. Another factor of effective communication is to show empathy with the speaker. Robert Bolton (1997) has mentioned that we need to show empathy towards other people by putting ourselves in their situation. This will promote an enriching communication. Empathy is the ability to cast oneself into the character of another person in order to understand that person’s emotions and feelings better. Kagan & Evans (1995) have also pointed out that successful listeners are those who are able to use empathy and value the opinion of the other person. Empathy begins with the awareness of the other person’s feelings. You are able to convey that you understand their issue from their perspective while still maintaining neutrality. Empathy is a learnable skill which develops with maturity and experience. An example of an empathetic statement relating to the above scenario is: MY EMPHATHETIC STATEMENT: I can understand why you would be so upset. Or MY EMPHATHETIC STATEMENT: I can see that you are really upset about this situation. Proper feedback is essentially important for any communication to be a success. If there’s any misunderstanding or misconception by the listener, feedback allows an opportunity for the speaker to repeat a message. Through proper feedback, confidence is accomplished in relationships and it also makes the speaker feel that he/she is being acknowledged by the listener. And this will promote further conversation or discussion. Feedback is most successful if you can specify your points rather that giving a general comment. For Example: CHILD: Mum, here’s my Annual School Report. MUM (After seeing the report): I can see that you have improved yourself in a lot of areas such as writing and numeracy. Your teacher has commented on your excellent attendance and positive attitude in school. I am really proud of you, son. Instead of a brief response such as: MUM: Good report, son. The aim of feedbacks should be to help a person improve a situation. I should be given genuinely and truthfully. In some cases it does not necessarily mean giving any advice unless you are required to do so. Feedbacks should be considered a valuable strategy because it helps to motivate. For example: YOU: I think I need to raise my issues about this whole situation with my manager. MY POSITIVE FEEDBACK: To me, that sounds like a positive approach towards this matter. Verbal and nonverbal communication is aimed to relate to one another. When they do not relate, they can create misunderstanding, distrust and disappointment. The acronym “SOLER” (Egan, 1998) is a valuable way to remember the importance of non-verbal cues when communicating: S Sit or stand so you are facing the speaker SQUARELY O Maintain an OPEN or interested posture L Lean toward the other person when they are speaking E Maintain EYE CONTACT without staring R Remain RELAXED during the conversation By practicing the above non-verbal behaviors, we will be creating a respectful, sincere and caring approach. Non-verbal behavior aims to communicate more than just words alone. It is expressive. It conveys your eagerness or weariness. It also conveys emotions or attitudes. The attitude of a person is often assumed from the non-verbal aspects such as the tone, rate of speech and volume. This also includes the facial expression, maintaining an eye contact and gestures such as nodding or raising brows. To improve our communication skills we should also learn to express our point of view in a way which is clear, concise and direct but is also respectful. This is called assertive communication. Communicating assertively can assist us to minimize conflicts, to control aggression and help us to strengthen our relationships with friends, family and others. Assertiveness also builds self-esteem. Communicating assertively involves clearly and honestly expressing your point of view. Speak in a firm and calm voice. Use non-verbal language appropriately. For example looking at the person in the eye and maintaining an appropriate posture. Speak with facts without judging. For example: MY ASSERTIVE COMMENT: These reports are incomplete. Instead of ME: You haven’t completed these reports. Use “I” messages instead of “You” so that you express how you feel instead of accusing the other person. For example: MY ASSERTIVE COMMENT: I am upset because this task was not completed on time. Instead of ME: You have disappointed me because you did not complete this task on time. Assertive communication is a learned skill which is often challenging and requires a lot of practice. Rapport building is also an important element in communicating effectively. Rapport is a sense of being connected, in harmony with someone. Rapport makes communication easier. With it, people will feel at ease with each other. They are more inclined to speak up and enjoy an agreeable relation. Rapport creates a sense of unity and belongingness. Without rapport, people are hesitant to reveal their thoughts. They are more likely to focus on their differences, which can lead to unnecessary misunderstanding. Rapport bridges the gap where differences exist between people. Good communication skills also involve a great level of self-awareness. As mentioned by Hugh Mackay that Lack of self-knowledge and an unwillingness to resolve our own internal conflicts makes it harder for us to communicate with other people (Hugh Mackay. 1994). When you realize and recognize your own personal style of communicating, you will go a long way to establish good and lasting impressions with others. Self awareness includes realizing and recognizing our own unique personality, our strengths, our weaknesses, our likes and dislikes. The more we are aware of our inclinations and realize them, the easier it will be to build up more effective communication. By consistently applying the communication skills discussed above, we can build and improve our communication skills. It will enable us to deal constructively with people in different situations at different levels. These will help us to resolve and overcome many conflict situations and issues. We will be able to maintain healthy relationships with everyone that we interact with everyday.