Impact_of_Divorce

The Impact of Divorce on Children Abstract 3 The impact of divorce on children What does the effect of a divorce have on our children' Different circumstances will garner different responses from our children. Younger children may be able to adapt easier as older children may harbor resentment towards one or both parents. The individual impact can be either as positive or negative as both parents allow. If both parents are active in their separation, the transition for the children will be less stressful in the long run. Becoming fatherless because of divorce When a young child grows up having his parents involved in their after school activities is extremely important to their development process. Having both of their parents present at baseball games, soccer games or school and church functions is something that they can carry with themfor many years. A feeling of belonging might be part of their growing up process as they listens to their father brag to his friends about how well his son or daughter performed during that event. During the process of divorce, that same father might be required to move out of the local area, change jobs or change his lifestyle, and unfortunately many of those changes often lead to a child having little or no contact with their father. These feelings of loss that a child might go through can play an important role in how they view relationships that they may go through as they grow up and enter the dating world. Often a fear of abandonment and the tendency to push people away is a result of having a fatherless childhood (“children of divorce 2004). Becoming more involved Having an appropriate parenting plan can greatly assist both the parents as well as the children when divorce is concerned. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers provides an example parenting plan that contains jurisdiction, decision making rights, education, medical care, extracurricular activities, time scheduling, travel and parental contact (“New York Law Journal” 2010). These types of models are a benefit partly due to both parents being involved in the build of the model making it easier to abide by. This can help parents understand how to raise their children in split homes as well as provide the greatest benefit to their children in the long run. Managing your time for your children One of the easiest ways to ensure your children understand that a divorce is not the end of the world is to consistently show your children that they still come first. Consistently keeping your children’s activities a priority in your life can greatly assist in their transition from having a 2 parent home to going into a 1 parent home. Having dedicated quality time with your children is an important part of the process of helping your children before, during and after a divorce. The technology age has assisted with this process by means of cellular telephones, instant messaging and webcams (“still a family 2009”). Although a dedicated one on one face to face relationship is preferred in assisting your children through a divorce, these technological items can offer parents with what might be the only means of staying in regular contact, therefore assisting the process in the long run. What causes children’s problems' A few reasons that may cause a child’s problems stem from a significant lifestyle change. When you go from possibly having two sources of income to in most cases a single source of income, which can propose many problems for children. A child may not be able to be active in many extracurricular activities due to a financial hardship. Another possible reason, which might weigh even heavier on a child, is the prospect of having to move and leave his friends behind. Having to pick up everything you have grown to know and just move to an unfamiliar area can be very stressful on a young child. The biggest mistakes parents make Some of the mistakes that parents make can have a very large negative impact on how their child handles their divorce. The first mistake could be simply ending the marriage too quickly simply to provide some relief for problems they can’t find the answers to (“still a family” 2009). When parents decide that a divorce is the only solution, they don’t realize that they are causing many more problems by ending their marriage early instead of trying to figure out the root of their problems. Secondly, fighting in front of their children is one of the largest mistakes a couple can make due to the fact that it has a tendency to have lasting effects on their children. Often children feel the need to “choose” between their parents during an argument, which leads to more problems as time passes. A third and possibly more serious mistake that parents make is by cutting themselves off from the children after a divorce. 7 The divorce is not the child’s fault, yet some parents (primarily the one who does not have full custody) will tend to completely remove themselves from the child’s life, this act alone can cause years of suffer and hardship for a young child. Reducing the risks to our children The first step in attempting to reduce any risks to our children should be in your preparation to inform them of the impending divorce. When you decide the time is right to speak to your children you need to ensure that both parties are informed of what the other plans on say so there are no surprises or statements made that could be detrimental or cause an unnecessary argument in front of your child (“still a family” 2004). Steps that you can take to insure that this doesn’t happen would be to possibly speak to an unbiased mediator, counselor or chaplain. Another means of ensuring your child is not confused during this process is by not telling that child too early, there would be even more possible damage if you tell your child and then recant and stay together. During the “healing” process of helping your child get past this divorce is to ensure that both parents are fully involved in any activities and organizational sports that your child is 8 involved in. By both parents remaining active in the child’s life this will greatly assist your child in adapting to the loss of one or the other full time parent. Conclusion Marriage is not for everyone, 1 Corinthians 7 states that a wife must not separate from her husband and a husband must not divorce his wife. Matthew 19 states that what God has joined together, let no man separate. These key versus can be a significant help to any married couple that has thoughts of divorce. People who want to have children need to understand that your child is not a responsibility that ends with divorce, you cannot divorce your child. Children are not responsible for the break up and it is our responsibility to help them understand this as well as helping them through that process. 9 Refrences Lisa Belkin. (Feb 4, 2010) Kids, Divorce and a Move. New York Times Alison Clarke-Stewart. (2006) Divorce Causes and Consequences. Yale University Press, New Haven and London. New International Version Bible, 1 Corinthians 7; Marriage New International Version Bible, Matthew 19; Divorce