Ignorance_Isnt_Bliss

Everybody is confronted with homophobia on a daily basis, but most people don’t realize it. Members of the gay community do though. We’re faced with it 24/7. Whether I’m visiting family, or hanging out with friends, or even just watching T.V., I can’t escape it. I’m “out” to most of my family, but there are still a few people I’m too afraid to tell. My grandma Sara is one of the biggest homophobes that I have ever met. And that’s saying a lot because I’ve met some pretty crazy homophobes before. She thinks that you can turn gay by talking to a gay person and that you contract AIDS by touching them. Now, obviously she’s kind of an idiot, but she’s still my grandmother. She’s always ranting about how I need to “find a good God fearing man” and “raise children in the name of the lord” and other stupid shit like that. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with religious people, I have a problem with them pushing their religion on me. And no matter how many times I have told her I don’t believe in the same things she does, she wont stop. I just want to scream at her “I’M GAY!! SO SHUT UP AND GET OVER IT!!” But if I did that she would never talk to me again. Unless I like, said I’d give up my “evil ways” and swore allegiance to god, or something else that makes no sense to me at all. I know that if she really loved me, she wouldn’t care, but her half love is better than none at all. It seems to be mainly my grandmas that have homophobia issues. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but it can get hard. My grandma IvaLou started crying when she found out I was a gay rights supporter. Imagine how she would feel if I told her that her granddaughter is a flaming lesbian!! Ok, I wouldn’t say it like that, but still. I know that if I told her, she would still love me and everything, but I’d feel like I was disappointing her. There are times (a lot of times) when I wish I were straight. It would make everything so much easier. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel like such an outcast in my own family. It’s not just with my family that I feel out of place, it’s with friends too. They can say hurtful things about being gay sometimes. I don’t really want to get into what they say because I know they don’t do it on purpose. But sometimes it’s the little tings that eat away at you. And I’ve noticed that this is one of those little tings. I’m too scared to tell them what how I feel though because I don’t want them to think im being stupid. I’m bombarded by homophobia even when I’m just sitting on my couch watching TV. Have you ever seen one of those shows where they make some sort of joke about the main character being gay and its all funny' Well normally it’s not funny. I don’t understand why sexuality is the first thing attacked when making fun of someone. That’s so gay. Whenever I hear that I want to punch the person in the face. That might seem kind of extreme but it gets so annoying hearing it hundreds of times every single day. Gay isn’t a synonym for bad or shitty. But that’s how people treat it. Also when people call each other gay or faggots. It feels like people I don’t even know are attacking me. Even though there are times where I wish I were straight, at the end of the day, I’m proud to be how I am. Being different and dealing with this has definitely helped me deal with other hard situations. So, to everyone out there who feels alone and like they cant deal, remember that theres always someone else out there who’s feeling the same thing, even if it doesn’t seem like it.