Green_Eyed_Monster

Running head: THE GREEN EYED MONSTER The Green Eyed Monster Courtney Lombard Capella University The Green Eyed Monster So your best friend wears a size zero and complains that it is too big on her! Your next-door neighbor is driving a Mercedes and your car can barely make it to the end of the driveway. Your sister takes off for a week-long vacation in the Caribbean and you cannot get farther than the state park, Jealous' Who wouldn't be' Sure, there are times when everyone else seems to have more, do more, or look better. However, is that really the case' “Jealousy, it seems, is a fundamental aspect of human social life. For as far back in time or as widely across civilizations as one can peer, the green-eyed monster has reared its head” (Desteno, valdesolo, & Bartlett, 2006). Jealousy is the root of many evils that can affect the poorest of paupers to the richest of kings. It has led men to lie, cheat, steal and exhibit other harmful acts toward their fellow man. This one emotion has broken the spirits of men since the dawn of time, and there is no end in sight. Jealousy is defined as a jealous attitude or disposition or close vigilance. However, this brief definition does not tell the whole story. For some, jealousy is much more than an attitude or disposition it is a way of life, and for others, it can consume their lives, changing it forever. Consider the example of a beautiful socialite who finds her husband with his secretary/lover and kills them both in a jealous rage. Reaction to a negative or passionately charged situation is what makes jealousy so dangerous. If jealousy can be so dangerous, is envy dangerous too' Envy and jealousy are often used interchangeably, but when used correctly, they stand for two distinctly different emotions. Envy also can be a dangerous emotion, but there is something important that separates it from jealousy, passion. You can be envious of your neighbor's new car or your friend's new leather coat, but these feelings will not lead you to passionate violence. Jealousy almost always involves a passionate and emotional response to something, and so it evokes passionate and emotional actions. Sometimes, just as jealousy can bring about positive responses, envy can bring about positive change, too. Some people can use their envy of others to improve themselves. Take the example of the overweight girl envious of her friend's fine figure. This envy motivates her to change her lifestyle and lose weight so she and her friend can wear clothes similar to those worn in high school. “It is our contention that threatened self-esteem is the principal mediating mechanism of jealousy” (Ellsworth & Scherer, 2003). Jealousy may reflect a person's view of him or herself. It's more about how people feel about themselves and whether they are confident about whom they are. A person who has a poor self-image may feel threatened and believe that he or she has nothing to offer to keep someone else interested. Most jealousy arises when someone feels insecure and threatened, either of losing the relationship, or that someone else will get the craved attention. Jealousy strikes both women and men equally, and probably more often than they want to admit. Many people have the wrong idea about jealousy. Common misconceptions of Jealousy are that it is unhealthy. Contrary to what many believe, jealousy is not necessarily a sign of unhealthy possessiveness or a serious character flaw, (Alexander, 1995). Feelings of jealousy are most often normal. When handled appropriately, it may promote personal growth. It means your relationship is bad. It is more likely to mean that you care and are committed. Think of it as a warning sign. When a relationship you value is threatened, jealousy is a natural response. For many, jealousy has to do with personal relationships. Jealousy may arise, for example, if an individual believes his or her partner is not paying enough attention to them. Jealousy can also happen if a one partner or spouse consistently makes the other feel uncomfortable through both their words and their actions. In any relationship, trust and mutual respect are essential to keep the relationship flourishing and communication strong. Jealousy might seem flattering at first, if an individual’s mate wants all of his or her time and attention, but it also can be a sign of emotional instability. That flattering interest in your attentions can turn into a chronic lack of trust and suspicion. A husband who is jealous of his wife’s innocent friendships with other women, and who tries to control her and separate her from her friends, can become a big problem. Jealousy is not limited solely to relationships. Jealousy can arise over the good fortune of friends or associates. This also ties in to feelings of self-worth; person who does not have a strong self-image may believe that he or she is not getting the fair share and that others always get the breaks. All emotions, even jealousy, are the brain’s way of communicating something about ourselves. When jealous flare-ups occur, use them to explore what underlies the emotion. Jealousy is usually provoked not just by the possible loss of the relationship but also a perception that the supposed "rival" has something that you don't. For instance, maybe jealousy of a partner's savvy business associate stems from the dissatisfaction with a job, a partner’s enthusiasm for his or her work may remind one of their frustrations. Pinpointing what triggers jealousy can help motivate one to take steps to improve one’s life (Salovey, 1995). It is important to understand and acknowledge that jealousy has a purpose. If ashamed of feeling jealous, the natural instincts to mask it with protective emotion such as anger, frustration, or resentment take over. Instead of masking our feelings, we should ask ourselves, "Why am I choosing to feel jealous'" Not everything is equal or fair, but to be dishonest about your own feelings is wrong. There will always be someone who is more beautiful, more talented, and more successful, but so what. References Desteno, D., Valdesolo, P., & Bartlett, M. (2006). Jealousy and the threatened self: getting to the heart of the green-eyed monster. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology,, 91(4), 626-641. Ellsworth, P. C., & Scherer, K. R. (2003). Appraisal processes in emotion. New York, NY: Oxford University Press. Alexander, E. (1995). Debunking Jealousy Myths. Chatelaine, 68(2), 26 Salovey, D. (1995, Feb). How to Handle Jealousy. Chatelaine, 68(2), 38