Grapes_of_Wrath

Improving Syntax Read the following excerpt from an essay about Benny Paret by Norman Mailer. “And Paret' Paret died on his feet. As he took those eighteen punches, something happened to everyone who was in psychic range of the event. Some part of his death reached out to us. One felt it hover in the air. He was still standing in the ropes, trapped as he had been before; he gave some little half-smile of regret, as if he were saying, ‘I didn’t know I was going to die just yet,’ and then, his head leaning back but still erect, his death came to breathe about him. He began to pass away. As he passed, his limbs descended beneath him, and he sank slowly to the floor. He went down more slowly than any fighter had ever gone down; he went down like a large ship which turns on end and slides second by second into its grave. As he went down, the sound of Griffith’s punches echoed in the mind like a heavy ax in the distance chopping into a wet log.” The chart below reveals Mailer’s mastery of diction, skilled use of imagery and figurative language, and manipulation of syntax. A glance, for example, at sentence nine, which recounts Paret’s fall, illustrates this idea. This lengthy sentence (31 words) is a series of clauses slipping irrevocably into one another, even as Paret slides slowly to the floor. Mailer consciously manipulates syntax to stress the meaning and effect of the sentence. |Sentence Number |First Four Words |Verbs |Sentence Types & Tools |Devices |Number of Words | |1 |And Paret |  |Fragment |  |2 | |2 |Paret died on his |died |Simple |  |5 | |3 |And he took those |took, happened, was |Complex; |  |18 | | | | |Absolute | | | |4 |Some part of his |reached |Simple |Personification |9 | |5 |One felt it hover |hover |Simple |  |7 | |6 |He was still standing |was standing, trapped,|Compound-complex; |Personification |51 | | | |had been, gave, were |Participle and absolute| | | | | |saying, did know, was | | | | | | |going, came | | | | |7 |He began to pass |began |Simple |  |5 | |8 |As he passed, so |passed, descended, |Compound-complex; |Alliteration |16 | | | |sank, |Absolute | | | |9 |He went down more |went, had gone, went, |Compound |Simile |31 | | | |turns, slides | | | | |10 |As he went down, |went, echoed |Complex; Absolute |Simile |25 | Now create a chart like the one above to analyze your own writing, adding additional lines as needed. |Sentence Number |First Four Words |Verbs |Sentence Types & Tools |Devices |Number of Words | | | | | | | | As a revision technique, completion of this chart may signal various writing problems, such as repetitiveness, run-ons or fragments, passive voice, weak verb choice, lack of variety of sentence, etc. This technique allows you to revise not only for grammatical errors but also strengthen the meaning and effectiveness of your writing.   For example, the following chart is based on one student’s essay about the Benny Paret article analyzed above and reveals a number of problems: • Repetition of identical sentence structure, especially sentence openings in #2 / #3 and #5 / #6. Possible opportunity for sentence combining. Revise to improve variety. • Excessive use of the verb “to be”; several repetitions of “says” and “writes.” Revise to employ more powerful verbs. • Possible grammatical problems—evaluate #4 for possible run-on sentence; evaluate #7 for possible fragment. • Many simple sentences, suggesting possible use of the short, powerful sentence structure, but also possible choppiness—evaluate #6 and #7 to see if the ideas of the sentences are important enough to be singled out by a short sentence structure. If not, revise to create complex and compound-complex sentences. |Sentence Number |First Four Words |Verbs |Sentence Types & Tools |Devices |Number of Words | |1 |In an article about |writes, described |Complex; Absolute |None |20 | |2 |Mailer writes that |writes, is, loses |Simple |None |17 | | |Paret | | | | | |3 |Mailer says that the |says, reflects |Simple |None |15 | |4 |After examining the |believes, suggests, is,|Run-on'; Absolute |None |40 | | |fight |reveals | | | | |5 |The fight is an |is, penetrates |Simple |None |18 | |6 |The fight is also |is |Simple |None |10 | |7 |Because of the way |fights |Fragment' |None |6 | After you have completed and examined your own chart for possible areas of revision, use at least six of the recommendations that follow to improve your sentence style. Improving Sentence Style: 1. How long are your sentences' Count words in the paper, count sentences, and divide to arrive at an average length. 2. Find your longest sentence. What is the length of the sentence before it' After it' If that long sentence is not either preceded or followed by a short sentence, change one of them to a short sentence. 3. What forms are your sentences' Count simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. If you do not have variety, rewrite some sentences to include these sentence types. 4. Which types of sentence tools do you use' Look for appositives, absolutes, participles, or any other types of tools. 5. Count the number of “to be” verbs (is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been). Find three that can better be expressed as action verbs and rewrite the sentences that way. 6. Count parallel constructions (parallelism). If there are fewer than three in the paper, rewrite three sentences so they contain parallel elements. 7. How do your sentences begin' If more than half of your sentences begin with the subject, rewrite them in a way that varies the beginning. 8. Check your comma use by applying these four rules: a. Use a comma before and, but, for, or, not, so, and yet when those words join complete sentences. b. Use a comma between all items in a series. c. Use a comma between a pair of adjectives that could be joined by “and.” d. Use a comma(s) with all sentence tools. 9. Have you used any semicolons' If not, find a sentence or a pair of sentences that would be better punctuated with a semicolon and rewrite. 10. Have you used any dashes' If not, find a sentence that would improve with a dash and rewrite. 11. Have you inverted any sentences' If not, rewrite one to do so. 12. Find all which clauses and rewrite half of them to eliminate which. 13. Eliminate as many of the prepositions of, in, to, and by as you can. 14. Find all instances of “state of being” verbs (am/is/are, was/were) and eliminate as many as possible. 15. Find all instances of pronouns with unclear antecedents and eliminate. 16. Find all instances of this or that used without a noun. Add a noun or rewrite. 17. Have you used quotation marks' Check for correctness. 18. Have you used apostrophes or colons' Do you need to' 19. Is your diction appropriate for your audience' Check for slang, idioms, and vague words. Eliminate as necessary. Notes: ----------------------- Key Terms: Simple sentence Compound sentence Complex sentence Compound-complex sentence Appositive Absolute Participles Parallelism Inverted sentence Antecedent Idiom Semicolon Colon Dash