Fertilization

After a heavy night of parting, i woke up with a strange mild pain in my side. I just wrote it off as possibly sleeping in an awkward position. Getting ready for the day I realized the pain wasn't going away,but it was still mild enough to ignore. I drove to meet my friend Dave for lunch at a chinese buffet. I ate one plate of food and then I started to feel a little strange, waves of heat started to overcome, and at that point I knew what was going to happen...and soon. I went into the bathroom of the restaurant and tried to puke, but was making no progress. I walked up to Dave and said "I've got to get out of here". He paid and we left. The pain in my side spread to my entire abdomen and it was almost unbearable to walk to my car. It was one of the hottest days of the summer and the heat made the pain worse. I had to ask Dave to drive me home. Before we even made it out of the parking lot, I puked three times on the mall lawn. After that I felt better, but not 100%. Finally we arrived at my house and I went into my room and stripped down because my clothes were drenched in sweat. I was sitting in the living room with Dave he said, "I have to use the bathroom. I'll only be a minute". He walked up the stairs and as soon as he closed the bathroom door, I had the most violent urge to take a shit I have ever had in my life. I bolted through my kitchen, out my back door, and took a shit in my backyard! Luckily, there was a large bush hiding me from the street and public view. After that I felt great! I cleaned up and sat down on my couch as Dave walked back in the living room I said laughing "you're not going to believe what I just did!"