Family_Life_That_Warms_the_Heart

FAMILY LIFE THAT WARMS THE HEART I want to believe that all of us are familiar with the word “family”, because we all belong to families. Jehovah God is the originator of the family arrangement. He is the Father of his heavenly family and the one to whom ‘all the families on earth owe their name.’ (Eph 3:14, 15) This is so because Jehovah established the first human family, and by this means he purposed that the earth be filled. Hence we are alive today because Jehovah has preserved the family arrangement. Usually, a family is made up of a husband, a wife and their children. However, today other family arrangements have become increasingly common. For example, we now have the single-parent family, step family, extended family and (sadly) there are now also same-sex families (two men or two women living together as husband and wife.) In this discourse, our focus is going to be on the normal nuclear family arrangement comprising of a husband, a wife and their children. But the principles we are going to discuss are equally applicable to the other family arrangements. A happy, wholesome family is a haven of safety and security. And it is worth striving for. However, many families today are far from being happy because of imperfection and pressures from Satan’s system which often lead to friction and disagreements between family members. As a result, they are torn apart. The fact that there are many failed families today does not mean that the institution of the family arrangement is wrong. God is not to be blamed God for such failed families. Let’s illustrate it this way: If the buyer of a machine refuses to follow the manufacturer’s instructions on its usage, could the manufacturer be blamed if the product develops a problem' The answer is no. No matter how good the quality of the machine is, if it is not used properly it will develop problems. The same can be said of the family arrangement. Jehovah God has provided perfect advice in the Bible to help us reach the goal of a warm, happy family. The Bible contains guidelines for each family member; describing the role that God wants each one to play. When family members carefully follow these guidelines on family living and fulfill their roles, this leads to successful family life that warms the heart. But if they ignore the Bible’s guidelines they would experience problems. That is why we will now discuss the role of each member of the family - the husband, the wife and the children - how they can all contribute to a happy family life. [Pause] First, let’s start with the role of the husband. The principal role of the husband is leadership. In a family, leadership is needed. This is very practical because when there is no leadership among a group of people, there is always trouble and confusion. It would be like trying to drive a car without the steering wheel. The man was created with a greater measure of the qualities and strengths required to provide leadership in a family. For this reason, the Bible assigns the husband as the head of the family. Let’s see this at 1Cor 11:3 [Read]. 3 But I want YOU to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn the head of a woman is the man; in turn the head of the Christ is God This portion shows clearly that the husband is the head of the wife, and hence the head of the family. For the family to operate well he needs to provide direction and take responsibility for making major family decisions. Thus God holds him primarily accountable for managing the family. How, then, can the husband exercise headship in a family' As can be seen from 1Cor 11:3 we have just read, it is not only the woman that is under headship; the man too is under the headship of Christ. Therefore, to be able exercise headship properly, the husband must learn from the way Christ exercises his headship and follow his example. The apostle Paul showed this at Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29&33a [Read]. 25Husbands, continue loving YOUR wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it, 28In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation, 33aNevertheless, also, let each one of YOU individually so love his wife as he does himself; Here we can see that Christ loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it. Similarly, a Christian husband should show self-sacrificing love for his family. He must do all he can to care for the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of his family, even if that would require some personal sacrifice. He must put the welfare of his family ahead of his own preferences. Now, what did Paul mean when he urged husbands to love their wives as their own bodies in verse 33' Paul meant that husbands should be loving and unselfish in dealing with their wives. For example, a husband should feed and cherish his wife with the same diligence that he feeds and cherishes himself. Also, rather than being self-centered about his own welfare, the husband should be as much more concerned about the wife’s own, if possible putting her own interest above his own. [Pause] The apostle Peter provided further counsel for husbands at 1Peter 3:7[Read]. 7 YOU husbands, continue dwelling in like manner with them according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, since YOU are also heirs with them of the undeserved favor of life, in order for YOUR prayers not to be hindered. The seriousness of this counsel can be seen in the final words of that verse. If a husband fails to honor his wife, his relationship with Jehovah will be affected. His prayers could be hindered. How, then, can a husband assign honor to his wife' To honor one’s wife means to treat her lovingly, with respect and dignity. Sadly, some people believe that women are inferior to men. For example, a Greek scholar wrote: “Under Roman law a woman had no rights. In law she remained forever a child. … She was entirely subject to her husband, and completely at his mercy.” You will agree with me that such a treatment is in contrast to Bible teachings. A Christian husband must avoid treating his wife as if she were an inferior person. The fact that a wife should be in subjection to the husband does not make her a slave. Marriage is not and should not be a master-slave relationship, but should be a union characterized by love, mutual respect and understanding. Since women are also heirs with men in the undeserved favor of life, Christian husbands must treat their wives lovingly, with respect and dignity. Now, what did Peter mean when he said that the woman is a weaker vessel' Peter did not mean that women are inferior to men. Neither did he imply that women are weaker than men intellectually or spiritually. Rather, women are weaker vessels in the sense that on the average, they have less physical strength than men and are more emotionally fragile. For example, women of childbearing age usually experience physical discomforts on a regular basis, especially during menstruation. When experiencing such discomforts or enduring the exhausting trials of being pregnant and giving birth, they certainly need special care and consideration. A husband who assigns honor to the wife would recognize the support she needs at such times and dwell with her “according to knowledge.” From all of these we can see that a husband who exercises his headship in a loving way would manifest self-sacrificing love for his family. He will provide direction and take responsibility for making major family decisions. He will also take the lead in making all members of his family happy. And this includes dignifying his wife. [Pause] Let’s now talk about the role of the wife. At Ge 2:18, there God said: “It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.” A complement is something that matches or goes well with another thing, making it complete. God made the woman as a satisfying match for man to assist him in carrying out his God-given assignment. The wife is therefore a helper to her husband. In keeping with that role, the Bible provides counsel for wives at Ephesians 5:22-24 &33b [Read]. 22Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord, 23 because a husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a savior of [this] body. 24 In fact, as the congregation is in subjection to the Christ, so let wives also be to their husbands in everything. 33b on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband. Here wives are admonished to be in subjection to their husbands and have deep respect for them. Sadly today, female aggressiveness and competition with men have become common. But when wives push ahead, trying to take over headship, their action is almost sure to cause trouble. It would be like having two drivers in a car, each with a steering controlling the car. Will it not lead to accident, Brothers' Therefore, a Christian wife should not disdain her husband, feeling that her husband does not deserve the position of headship. That would mean her downplaying the Scriptural arrangement of headship in the family. True, occasionally the husband may fail to act when he should as the family head. Or the wife may be better than the husband in some ways. But that does not mean that she should now take the driver seat. Instead, she should do all she can to support and encourage her husband to play his role while remaining submissive to him. The apostle Peter also has a counsel for wives too. Let’s see this at 1Peter 3:1, 5, 6 [Read] 1In like manner, YOU wives, be in subjection to YOUR own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of [their] wives, 5For so, too, formerly the holy women who were hoping in God used to adorn themselves, subjecting themselves to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah used to obey Abraham, calling him “lord.” And YOU have become her children, provided YOU keep on doing good and not fearing any cause for terror. Peter here urged Christian wives to imitate the wifely subjection of Sarah, the wife of Abraham. Sarah unquestionably viewed Abraham as her head. Even in her heart, she called him her “lord”. Yet, that did not diminish her. She was clearly a spiritually strong woman with her own firm faith in Jehovah. So, it is not demeaning for a Christian wife to be like Sarah. When a wife cultivates respect for her husband and lovingly support him, she will merit her husband’s love and care. And this contributes to a happy, warm family. [Pause] In addition to all that have been discussed, Christian couples must show unselfishness. When a mate does not try to please self, but focuses on pleasing the other mate, it brings about closeness and it allows for fine opportunities to experience the truthfulness of the words at Acts 20:35, which says: “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” Such mutual, unselfish concern by both mates helps to develop a warm and happy family. Another vital factor that contributes to family happiness is communication. Marriage mates need regular communication with each other on a personal level. Such communication between mates requires the exercise of love, which does not look for its own interest. It should be a two-way communication, allowing each mate to express himself/herself freely. The question is: How is the communication between you and your mate' Talk to each other - not just about your work, but also about other matters, especially those that affect the family. Be interested in your mate’s thoughts, activities and feelings about things. Encourage your mate. Commend your mate’s accomplishments. The husband, especially, should regularly reassure his wife of his love and affection for her. Doing this can increase the overall family happiness. A woman related her experience in this regard: She said: ‘During the day, I was cleaning my husband’s study, and in one of his desk drawers I saw a picture. It was one I had shown him from an old family album of mine. It was of me when I was seven years old. He had pulled it out of the album and put it in his desk drawer.’ ‘I confronted him with it that evening when he got home from work. He took the picture in his hand and smiled, and said, “I cherish this little girl.” Then he laid it down and took my face in both his hands and said, “I cherish what she became, too.” And he kissed me very tenderly. It brought tears to my eyes.’ This experience shows that a wife who knows that she is very dear to her husband feels warm and safe inside. So husbands, feel free to express your love to your wife. Let your wife know how you feel about her. Love should not be hidden. It should be outwardly expressed. So do not hesitate to tell your wife: “My dear, I love you.” Do it as often as you can. Where communication exists in a family, it results in a pleasant companionship, for the mates are drawn together in a warm relationship without major tensions that might otherwise exist. [Pause] Let’s now talk about the role of children. Since children also play a part if there is to be a happy family, the Bible contains counsels for them too. Let’s see the one at Ephesians 6:1-3 [Read]. Here children are urged to respect and obey their parents. Children, it is the right thing for you to respect and obey your parents. They deserve such respect and obedience because of all they do for you. They feed you, they care for you when you are sick, they work to provide you a home and to fill your other needs. This shows that they love you. And you cannot pay for all these loving interest they are showing you. So it is morally right for you to respect and obey them, even as you would like your own children to do to you in the future. When you do this, you will be contributing to a close family, which will make your life more peaceful and happy. And you will be protected from some of the problems that your parents can foresee because of their greater experience. Most of all, you will be pleasing Jehovah. [Pause] There are a few things too that parents can do to contribute to their children’s happiness. First, parents must communicate with their children regularly, providing them with instruction, correction and moral guidance. The Bible is the finest basis for this. And Deut. 6:6,7 shows that doing this should be a regular part of family life, and not something that is done once in a while. Keep the communication line open. Be approachable. Always allow the children time to make expressions, and be interested in their views. By doing so, you will earn the child’s confidence in you. Confidence implies speaking on even secret matters, things that the child would not discuss with others. Such trust is built by listening even when a matter seems trivial to you. Secondly, parents must administer discipline properly. Do not punish in fit of anger, but reason with your child. And do not treat a teenager like a baby. Recognize that what worked for an infant will not always work for a teenager. There is need for more giving of reasons, and this calls for more, and not less, communication. Another thing that can add warm richness to homelife is when parents arrange for and share in worthwhile activity with their children. As Christians, we realize that we cannot let our children share in many activities of worldly children. Therefore, a full schedule of congregation activity along with family-oriented recreation and upbuilding Christian association will help the children to resist the pressure to get involved in worldly gatherings, celebrations, and entertainment. Above all, let the children know that they are a part of the family. Always consider their ideas and preferences. Though as parents you make the final decision, it is often good to ask the children what they would like for vacation, or family outing. [Pause] Some may react: ‘That seems excellent, but we have a major problem in our family that makes achieving happiness hard. What can we do'’ Well, you must be determined to meet the challenges that your family presents and succeed. The truth is, no family today is perfect; but with effort you can improve in building a warm, happy family. So, whatever challenges your family presents, realize that with God’s help you can meet it and succeed. Experience shows that families that apply Bible principles and practice true Christianity are much happier and more wholesome than the average worldly family. A man from the United States has this experience: He said: “During my married life, I had acquired everything I wanted materially – a beautiful home, cars, boats and horses. Yet these things did not bring me happiness. My wife was not interested in the same things I was. We were always quarreling. I was smoking marijuana to find peace of mind.” “I spent most of my weekends away from home hunting. Also, my work took me away sometimes. This led to a life of adultery. I didn’t think my wife loved me, so I moved out and became involved with one woman after another until my life seemed at a dead end.” “During this time I read the Bible sometimes. Ephesians chapter five convinced me to try again with my wife. I realized that she had not been submissive, nor had I taken a proper lead. But on a business trip the next week I again committed adultery.” A friend suggested that if I really was interested in God, Jehovah’s Witnesses could help. And so I opened my door to the Witnesses, and they did help. One of the overseers in the congregation spent time studying the Bible with me. Because of the big change in my way of life, my wife joined the study. Now for the first time our family life is a happy one, and even our two girls can see the difference. There are no words to describe the wonderful happiness that my wife and I have found in applying the Bible in our lives.” From this experience, we can see that the Bible’s counsel on family truly works! Family problems can be solved by holding firmly to Bible principles. And, most Witness families are happy, not because they are free from the pressures of this wicked system, but because they diligently apply Bible principles in their family life. So may we all continue to study and apply the Bible’s counsel on family living. As each of us plays his role as a family member in line with Bible principles, we will have the joy of seeing our family become warmer and happier. In turn, our family will be joy for others to behold, to the glory of the Originator of the family arrangement, Jehovah God!