Familiarity_over_Maternity

Familiarity Over Maternity There are many responsibilities of motherhood, some of which require sacrifice for the betterment of the child. While most mothers happily and willingly accept maternal duties, unfortunately there are others that do not. “Search” by Nahid Rachlin (1999), is a tear-jerking story of a woman’s pursuit to find Pari, the mother that abandoned her as a young child. When choosing familiarity over maternity, Pari’s initial and continued self-centered actions solely contributes to her family’s emotional damage, which is opposite of a mother’s instinct to protect her children from pain and suffering. Of the emotional distress caused by Pari, only heartbreak, depression, and unhealthy relationships were the outcomes for both daughters. In this story, happiness equates to familiarity for Pari. When an unexpected visitor, the neighborhood boy she would have married from Persia, came knocking at the front door, Pari says, “he had punctured a capsule in which powerful memories had been bottled up” (Rachlin 193). Memories from Persia rush through her mind, awakening her from a trance like state resulting from depression. It is the secure feeling of the known, the familiar, which gives her happiness in her life once again. It is not only the initial act of suddenly abandoning her children without notice that leaves them broken hearted and damaged, but it is also the continued desertion that freshly preserves the emotional anguish. Instead of responding to the many letters pleading for her to return home, Pari chooses to ignore her daughter, Miriam. She closed the door for communication and, in turn, closed the door for emotional closure for her estranged daughters. Even after responding 16 years later to a letter from Miriam, Pari writes back as Aunt Mahin and not as herself. Again, her selfishness trumps motherhood in order to protect her new life, one that does not include the daughters she left behind. In the letter, Pari writes, “keeping a distance is the only way she can live her new life, one that suites her better…” as to say her two American daughters that she birthed did not fit into her lifestyle (Rachlin 178). A mother’s presence is detrimental in the development of children. In Pari’s absence, Miriam and Lily grow increasingly hollow internally and lacked emotional fulfillment and security that only a mother can provide. Miriam states, “insecurity lingered with me…He gave us as much as any father could, but all his attention didn’t compensate for the loss and the trauma of Mother’s sudden departure” (Rachlin 179). Their confidence and well-being was stunted. As a child, self-blame was conjured as an explanation on why their mother left. Miriam pleaded in many letters to her mother, “begging her to come back, asking forgiveness for the mischievous things Lily and I had done, which were, I was certain, one of the reasons she had gone away” (Rachlin 177). The effects of Pari’s abandonment are seen in Miriam’s poor performance in her studies. “My interest in school and studying declined after she left…I dropped out after one semester,” says Miriam (Rachlin 179). As an adult, the trauma of her mother’s sudden departure follows her into her own motherhood and marriage. She often doubted her parenting skills with Darien and became increasingly disconnected from both the world and her husband, Chuck. Miriam recalls, “I remember a vague depression settling in and growing with time…I was filled with self-doubt” (Rachlin 181). She then talks of Chuck, “he came home and found me sitting idly on the sofa with the house in a jumbled mess…Then one evening he said, ‘I can’t take this any more,’ and left me for good” (Rachlin 181). Once again, Miriam finds herself deserted by a love one, first by a parent and next by a man she exchanged wedding vows with. Miriam is not the only to have unsuccessful relationships, but Lily as well. In an effort to fill a gaping hole, she often becomes involved with unsuitable men to feel loved. Miriam says of her sister, “Her relationships with men worry me sometimes, although I am not proud of my own broken marriage and all the meaningless affairs I have had since” (Rachlin 186). Miriam and Lily’s emotional instability in childhood and adulthood were caused by their mother’s decision to return to the familiar, even if that meant abandoning her daughters to erase the past in order to start a new life in Iran. Although maternal instincts, a mother’s impulse to protect and love her child, are hard wired into her brain, Pari overrides it when seeking her own happiness. Her own selfishness caused Miriam and Lily’s lack of focus in their daily lives, mental depression, and the inability to maintain healthy lasting relationships. A child’s success in life is directly linked to their mother. Works Cited Rachlin, Nahid. "Search." A World Between. Ed. Persis M. Karim and Mohammad Mehdi Khorrami. George Braziller Press , 1999. 176-195.