Exploring_the_Myths_and_Realities_of_Love_Chemistry

EXPLORING THE MYTH AND REALITIES OF LOVE CHEMISTRY When you think about the qualities found in a true "soul mate" relationship, one word comes up most often on the top of your list, CHEMISTRY! Is There Really a Chemistry of Love' I don't think there are any magic love potions that you can use to make someone fall in love (my opinion), but I think chemistry does play an important role in how a relationship starts and progresses. First, there's attraction. Nonverbal communication plays a big part in initial attraction and some of this communication may involve a form of chemical communication. Just the mention of Chemistry conjures up powerful feelings and images for anyone who has ever been in or seeking a love relationship. It is often described as a feeling that leaves you breathless, excited and weak in the knees. Palms sweat, the heart races and the body tingles with nervous anticipation. It is believed by virtually everyone that true love cannot exist without chemistry. Therefore, the conclusion most would-be lovers come to is that if they experience these intense feelings towards someone, they have the basis for an ideal and lasting relationship. This definition of love chemistry is limited to one's physical response to another person. It lacks an entire dimension that resides in our values, beliefs, personalities and worldview. In order to know you have the right connection with a potential (or existing) partner, it's important to have a basic knowledge of what real chemistry consists of, instead of embracing only the myths that surrounds it. This can be difficult to do. This intense, physical passion is the stuff that Oscar winning movies and best-selling books are made of. So, take a step back for a minute and see if you recognize yourself. There are a lot of chemicals racing around your brain and body when you're in love. Did you know that raw lust is characterized by high levels of testosterone' Researchers are gradually learning more and more about the roles they play both when we are falling in love and when we're in long-term relationships. Of course, estrogen and testosterone play a role in the sex drive area without them; we might never venture into the "real love" arena. The 'high' of being in love is due to a rush of phenylethylamine and dopamine. That initial giddiness that comes when we're first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say this is due to the dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine we're releasing. Dopamine is thought to be the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist and well-known love researcher from Rutgers University, together these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. She also says, "The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature." Researchers are using Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (FMRI) to watch people's brains when they look at a photograph of their object of affection. According to Helen Fisher, what they see in those scans during that "crazed, can't-think-of-anything-but stage of romance" the attraction stage is the biological drive to focus on one person. The scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine associated with states of euphoria, craving and addiction. High levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else. Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discover that, lasting love confers chemical benefits in the form of stabilized production of serotonin and oxytocin. They also observed that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love "obsess" about their partner. Throughout history, mankind has deemed the heart the center of love. But scientists tell us love is all in our mind or brain fueled by chemicals and chemistry. When two people are attracted to each other, a virtual explosion of adrenaline-like nuerochemicals gushes forth; fireworks explode and we see stars. Singles searching for love armed themselves with a list of qualities desired in a mate/lover, such as honesty, fidelity, loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, warmth, etc. Yet when that person appears they say, He/She is a really nice person, but nothing clicked, just no "chemistry" I guess. Unfortunately, we hear that click when we recognize our original parent/child situation. That's when our brain really gets those phenylethylamines and other chemicals moving. Some people become veritable love junkies. They need chemistry or this chemical excitement to feel happy about and intoxicated by life. Once this initial rush of chemicals wanes (inevitable after six months to three years, depending on the individual and the circumstances), their relationship crumbles. They're soon off again, detectives seeking a quick fix to their forlorn feelings: another chemical high from infatuation. These love junkies also have one other problem. The body builds up a tolerance to these chemicals. Then it takes more and more chemistry to bring that special feeling of love. They crave the intoxication of chemistry and infatuation. Many adults go through life in a series of six-month to three-year relationships. If these love junkies stay married, they are likely to seek affairs to fuel their chemical highs. This leads us to ask, can infidelity be blamed on chemistry' Perhaps in part; Researchers have found that suppression of vasopressin can cause males (voles, anyway) to abandon their love nest and seek new mates. Only about three percent of mammals are monogamous, mating and bonding with one partner for life. Unfortunately, scientists tell us humans are not one of these naturally monogamous mammals. Maybe a few injections of vasopressin would help us. It has been called the monogamy chemical. By isolating male voles before and after mating, scientists found that lifelong mating could be linked to the action of vasopressin. Before mating, the male vole is friendly to male and female voles alike. Within 24 hours after mating, the male vole is hooked for life. When the chemical vasopressin kicks in, he is indifferent to all females but one. He is also totally aggressive to other males with a classic exhibition of the jealous husband syndrome. The chemical oxytocin has been termed the cuddling chemical. Linked to milk production in women, oxytocin makes women and men calmer and more sensitive to the feelings of others. It plays an important role in romantic love as a sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and prompts cuddling between lovers before, during, and after lovemaking. Oxytocin production is derived from both emotional and physical cues. A lover's voice, his/her certain look, or even a sexual fantasy can trigger the release of oxytocin. When infatuation subsides, a new group of chemicals takes over. This new type of chemical reward is created by endorphins. These morphine-like opiates calm and reassure with intimacy, dependability, warmth, and shared experiences. Not as exciting or as stressful as PEA, but steadier and more addictive. The longer two people have been married, the more likely it is that they'll stay married. In part, they become addicted to the endorphins and marital serenity. It is the absence of endorphins that make long-time partners yearn for each other when apart. Absent endorphins also play a part in grief from the death of a spouse. According to Mark Goulston, M.D., professor of psychiatry at the University of California at Los Angeles, "Adrenaline-based love is all about ourselves, we like being in love. With endorphins, we like loving." Have you ever wondered what chocolate have to do with love and chemistry' Actually, chocolate is full of phenylethylamine, that chemical cousin of amphetamine. So, when we say we are in love with chocolate, there is a certain chemistry there! Does this chemistry have anything to do with our choice of chocolates as gifts for lovers on Valentine's Day' You find out and see if it does. OMINYI MOSES AO/PAD