Even_Young_Children_Can_Be_Involved_in_Decision_Making_in_the_Family_and_in_Schools

The main purpose of this essay is to examine why is it so important to involve young children in decision making in the family or in schools. I would also like to explore why involvement might be sometimes difficult. On the example of the Family’s sleeping problems with Ryan I would like to show different approaches of how can parents involve children in resolving family difficulties with young children. (Ray and Flynn 2004, p.64) Being a parent is creating lovely and safe environment for children as they grow from babies to teenage years and it requires different skills at each stage. But being a parent is not always easy. They have to make number of decisions about the best way to bring up the children and at such times even the most loving and caring parents can become very frustrated. When trouble with Ryan’s resistance going to bed continued even Jodie found herself in situation when she has threatened to smack him. Ray and Flynn(2004 p.66) Despite the fact that some parents believe that occasional smack will do no harm NSPCC take the position that it is not an effective way to manage difficult behaviour as it does nothing to teach the child how you want him/her to behave.(Ray and Flynn 2004,p.68 ) The use of star charts is very well known rewards system which is also very popular in schools and by social workers. The theory that links to this method is called behaviourism and is based on the idea that children’s (and adult’s) behaviour can be changed through learning and association (Ray and Flynn 2004, p.71) There has been a criticism due to the manipulation used in this method and results are usually short-lived which was proved by Jodie and Eamon’s attempt to use this method.(Ray and Flynn 2004,p.70-71) However, considering that there is conversation between parent and child involved it can always bring positive outcome. Young children do not think or talk about their feeling the way adults do and therefore it is crucial that parents are able to recognise their feeling and help them to talk about it. This is the mistake which Jodie and Eamon did when they were trying to talk to Ryan (Ray and Flynn 2004,p.75) Alfie Kohn(1993.pp.237-8; bold added) suggest ‘when the child cannot be forthcoming, parents and teachers have to become detectives, looking for clues as to possible causes and trying out hypotheses tentatively in the process of working out solution. By being a detective Kohn means being able to recognise the feeling which child might not even be aware of. To be successful in that it is always good to set up a child friendly environment and as Ray and Flynn suggest you have to involve thinking about the ‘place’ and the ‘pace’ (2004,p.77) This is the mistake which Jodie and Eamon did when they were trying to talk to Ryan (Ray and Flynn 2004,p.75) Firstly, they did not choose the right place. Secondly the pace was also wrong and they asked Ryan a question and he had no chance to think about and therefore not being able to give an answer which would be satisfied his parents. Another very interesting approach that Jodie came across when trying to solve her problem with Ryan’s unhappy bedtime is Alfie Kohn’s three Cs. The first C stand for Content, where the adults should have realistic expectation and try to look at the request from child point of view. In Ryan’s case-would an adult be lying in bed if they could not sleep' Secondly Collaboration , where parents have to involve the child into discussion and by that they will help them to identify the problem. Considering Ryan’s age he might not realize it as for younger children it is more about explanation and guidance. Finally Choices ,where the children are given two alternatives and the they can choose one of them which will give them feeling , that they are involve in decisions making rather than forced to do something with no choice whatsoever. (Ray and Flynn 2004, 79-80). Ryan’s bedtime problems improved as Jodie decided to spent more special time with him and he looked forward to pre-bedtime special time with his mummy.(Ray and Flynn 2004,p.84) Schools are also trying to develop children’s confidence by letting children to make their own choices. The Understanding children(2007) DVD ,band 4 filmed at Shepherdswell First School In Milton Keynes shows reception class where we can clearly see how can teacher or assistant help children to develop their abilities. Conclusion Children involvement in decision making is not always easy. As many would say children might not be able to make important decision concerning their health or welfare, nevertheless , they should not be completely left out from the whole process. Practice makes perfect and therefore by involving children in simple day to day decision they can built their confidence and self-esteem. Furthermore, it would give them opportunities to be more prepared for lifespan when they have to full responsibility for the decision making . Finally listening and talking about the feelings to the children is also crucial ability that many adults should memorise. By doing that they can prevent many problem arise.