Difference_and_Diversity

I n this essay I intend to look at what I need to be able to offer of myself to my client so that they feel that I accept and understand their similarities, differences and other diversity areas and am therefore able to work with me in a therapeutic relationship . I am going to start this piece of work by looking at my college environment, in my own group there are nine individuals and we are all different in so many ways, a noticeable difference within the group now is the fact that I am the only male. This does not bother me at all, I don’t feel as if it will be a barrier to anything on the course being discussed or mentioned, it is not the first time I have been in this position, I have always been treated as an equal and have joined in all activities either academic or social. I have always looked at females as equals in every respect and enjoy their company. For me it is treated as a professional relationship, something which I enjoy but there are boundaries in place. “The social and economic relationship between men and women has varied considerably over time, and between societies and cultures. The overwhelming evidence, however, would seem to point to the fact that in most societies, in most places, women have been subordinated to men to a greater or lesser extent” {Marshall 2004 pg71} When I looked at gender at college I thought nearly all the words and phrases we came up with could have fitted all the scenarios we covered, it was interesting to see how people have pre-conceived ideas about the way people dress and the position they hold, for me this is where labelling and judgements become dangerous. The one which jumps out at me is the counsellor being thought of as gay due to the job he is doing, is this how I will be perceived in the future' It is not something which unduly worries me, but how will it affect our first meeting as client and counsellor' Will the client be guarded in what they are saying' Thinking that ‘I can’t talk about that with him’ I suppose all I can do as the counsellor is offer my client the core conditions, so they see me for who I am and hopefully accept that. I think that if I felt the first session was ‘guarded’ I would be in a position to tentatively challenge the client and also take this to supervision if it was an ongoing thing, seek advice as how to overcome this block. There is also the age range within the group, for me personally I find this a good thing, I can still identify with the youngest member of the group and feel that she can offer different views and ideas that I wouldn’t have thought of, having two teenage sons seems to keep me young at heart, and able to relate to any age group. In return I feel that I have a lot of life skills which I can offer back, I have had various jobs, and worked in some exciting places, the Falkland islands for example, marriage, divorce, all those experiences have made me the person I am today and feel I have a lot to share. I do not think I have any blocks within the group, well none that have become apparent, if there were I think that I have developed my understanding and self awareness to be in a position to identify and work through them. “It would seem nonsensical, therefore to deny that there are real and distinct differences between men and women. The difficulty arises when those differences are evaluated.”{Marshall 2004 pg 87} Whilst we have been working through the difference and diversity on the course I have identified a couple of blocks for myself, the main one being working with gay men. This is nothing to do with me being homophobic, as I mentioned in my learning review it was something that happened to me when I was only sixteen years old and I was made to feel really uncomfortable and actually frightened by a situation I was put in, someone thought it was funny to ‘come onto’ this young naïve lad who was working away from home for the first time, it was done as a joke, for the amusement of others. The only person who didn’t see the funny side was me, until recently I would say that I saw gay men as predatory by nature, promiscuous and just looking for an opportunity to befriend me for their own gain. I have to say that this view was all down to ignorance and the experience I had as a teenager, nowadays I have a few gay friends and realise how far off the mark my ideas were. “The last decade of the twentieth century saw a significant rise in violence against homosexuals. As a gay community has become more visible and more vocal, the result has been a homophobic backlash rather than greater tolerance. Homosexuality has continued to be seen as both a sin and a disease, homosexuals as both ill and immoral – a logical impossibility” {Marshall 2004 pg 114-115} I thought the presentation by John Millar in college was fantastic; to be able to listen to someone who actually lived in that world and share some of the prejudices he has had to face and the secrecy surrounding his lifestyle really opened my eyes. Not being able to be open with colleagues about relationships, what he did over the weekend, the fact he worked in a school and lived in fear of being outed, only being able to show affection in public in certain bars and clubs. The fact that you have to suppress your feelings and even resort to marriage to hide your sexuality, living in two completely separate lives, it comes as no surprise to me when John told us about the effects this has on people, depression, self-harm, suicide, low self esteem, and serious mental health problems. This is so far removed from the world in which I live, and now I have learnt more about it I see it as totally unfair, I am accepted for who I am, so why should somebody else not be accepted just for their choice of partner. Yes I have labelled people in the past and with hindsight feel embarrassed and ashamed of some of the things I have said ‘faggot’ ‘dyke’etc all the usual ones, but with a little more understanding, maturity and education my opinions have changed and I have become less judgemental and more accepting of others and their lifestyle choices. I feel as a counsellor I am more equipped to work with a gay client now, I could be more empathic and feel that my self development has moved me on from the person and pre-conceptions which I used to hold. When I think of counselling different cultures this fills me with fear, a fear of getting it wrong more than anything and not appearing sensitive to my clients individual needs. If it was a Muslim client, would I be able to offer them what they need' Would I be able to accommodate the fact that at certain times of day they need to pray' When their holy days and festivals come along such as Ramadan, will I change the session times to accommodate this' Straight away with all these worries would I be able to totally be in the clients’ frame of reference and not be distracted about the other things worrying me. I can identify a definite block here, not being able to offer the whole of myself to the client, again I think the only way for me to deal with this would be to be honest and tell the client of my limited experiences of working with ethnic minorities and let him/her decide for themselves, but at the same time letting the client know that I would like the opportunity to work with them. For me this all comes down to communication and awareness of the diversity that exists between me and the client, the fact that I can identify these situations I feel is a major step forward and shows my growing awareness and understanding. How would I feel about the Muslim client who fanatically supports the war in Afghanistan, when there is a good chance that my son will be over there within the next twelve to eighteen months, this I would find hard to work with and I feel there would be a lot of blocks for me personally. Would I be able to work with his extremist views' At the moment I have to be honest with myself and say, no I couldn’t. Whilst doing the research for this essay, a really interesting point I read was ‘The iceberg conception of culture’ this highlighted for me something’s to consider in the counselling relationship. “The counsellor also has control over the physical boundaries of counselling. The choice of room, the furniture and décor, the location and distancing of seats, lighting, all constitute boundaries that will influence how counselling gets started”{D’ardenne &Mahtani 1999 pg 62} There are the aspects of culture we are consciously aware of such as manners, customs, history, language, folklore and literature. Underneath these, hidden away, are at least two or three times as many things to consider such as communication style, role expectations, tempo of work but to name a few, within different cultures these will vary massively, I have noticed this in my own workplace. We employ a large number of east Europeans and they seem to work at such a fast pace, at first this looks like it is being done to impress the management but it soon became apparent this was the normal pace at which they work. I have experienced people thinking that ‘these foreigners are trying to pinch all our jobs’ this is not the case at all they are just working at there usual pace. I can see a huge change in myself when it comes to difference and diversity, at the printing factory in Manchester I was working in a shop floor environment, at first I accepted what was said and done and joined in on numerous occasions, usually in a humorous way. As time went by I was less accepting of myself and others when this happened and challenged both. Why did I feel it was ok to make others suffer so I could appear funny to friends' Over the last few years I have reported people at work for racist comments and my views have totally changed around any issues of difference and diversity, I feel that within myself I am more accepting of others and tend to look at the person and not colour, gender, sexuality or disability. I feel this will be a great asset to me when I start my placement, I feel that I will be able to empathise at a deeper level with all my clients and feel that I am working through and identifying my blocks or potential problem areas. Just by the whole ethos of the person centred approach, the belief in the actualizing tendency, I think that makes me more accepting, the belief that all living organisms have the potential to grow to their full potential, for me I feel this will put me in a stronger place than other theories of counselling. “Thus the person-centred therapist starts from the assumption that both they and their client are trustworthy, this trust emanating from the belief in the actualizing tendency and its instinctive movement in humans towards the constructive accomplishment of inherent potential”{Lago 1996 pg 77} Whilst working in a role play session with Wendy in college she adopted the role of Gita a student at university who had met and wanted to marry a white male, this highlighted for me lots of things I had not thought about before, the relationship with parents and their expectations of their daughter, how the extended family would disown her as well, the arranged marriage which they wanted and how isolated and alone it could be for someone in this situation. Most of these things would not even arise for a white couple from the same background, even though it was only a role play I could imagine the frustration in this situation of my partner being judged solely on the colour of their skin and not accepted for the person they are, not even being heard. I personally feel that difference and diversity is a hard issue to tackle in counselling and all I can offer my clients is myself unreservedly and to be totally with the client for the whole session, if any differences arise, I hope that the depth of the relationship we have will enable us to carry on working together, yes I will make mistakes, but I am only human and that is one thing we all have in common. Margaret Thatcher gave a speech in 1988 in Bruges which began ‘Strength comes through diversity’ I feel this sums up really well.