Deja_Vu

Déjà vu The sun is shining towards me. The sentiment of being alone is executing me. I saw a chap gawking at my forlorn countenance, I feel risky. I started to launch a stride on the cantankerous boulevard of peccadillo. This insane sensation made me to drop from my steadiness. A roaring pain impaired my feeble knees, I started to cry. A considerate gentleman helped me to stand upright from the ground, how compassionate he is. He carried me to the aged bench and started to clean my throbbing wound… for a while, I smiled. I never thought that someone would dare to help me for it’s the seventh time I fell on that unharmonious place of filth and he, the one with a kind heart, is a stranger for me. We walk with a slow melody together; starting to have a conversation is not that easy for a kind of shy-type girl like me. After a shrewd guess on what will or should I say, he ruined our stillness. “You are heavy”, he said What a good start, I wanted to fall from my balance again and lose my consciousness after that. I can’t even deem that I’m stout or it’s just me who said that. Still smiling though with a little embarrassment, I confidently answer him. ”The coins in my pocket made me heavy” He laughed for an instance and admits that he was teasing me and of course I know that. We started chit-chatting and making an alive melody from within. My gloomy mood was blown away together with the sting from my lesion… suddenly I feel sheltered with somebody I don’t know the given name but I admire him the most. He finished my daylight hours with a gentle smile that made my heart tremble for a moment. It’s like the intricate and thorny word they call love. Love at first glance. I chuckled at myself wandering why in a world would I be in love with him who I, myself don’t have any background about his living before. Yes, I don’t know him but the good thing is I like him. I know even before that I am…stupid in terms of being in love. Again, the blistering sun is trying to make me faint. A new dawn confined my awareness; this is the first time I got motivated to live once more and to love once more. A silly expression burst out on my face when I opened the door facing him in my front. Utterly ravishing, my nerves wanted to erupt and to detonate. He smiled at me. “Hope you don’t mind these tulips be handled by your flimsy hands”. Again, I’ve heard the cold voice touching my insubstantial ears, for a while, I smiled. We went into a classical resto together with a great rhythm of love all around. We both ate granola bars and large soda. Here, in this resto happened the first date with my lifeless boyfriend. I can remember every moment I had with him. I… “What were you thinking'” he said interrupting my silence. “Nothing”, I said ”By the way, how many times you’ve been here and why did you take me here'” “So many questions, I just like this place” he said I liked this place too. The table was filled with stillness and the rhythm of love was fading. I can’t say a word. These scene is very recognizable… déjà vu' “I like you…even in the first time I saw you” staring at me critically. “You want me' Fine… ” He giggled. Maybe he assumes that I’m an easy-to-get person. No I’m not but I know when to be like that. In that minuscule flash, again, the glorious and vicious love returns to the abandoned girl who became unintelligent in loving just because she’s ravenous from it. Twilight, the perfect time to go home and the ideal instance to think on what I have said to him. We are half kilometers away from my house when I felt a warm touch trying to hold my freezing hand. It’s like electricity that shocked me straight to my bones. Chill, just think he is your father. At last we finally arrived. A kiss upon my cheek made me feel like I was being strike by lighting and my ears got deaf by the thunderous applause of the rain. “Good night” I was standing still like a statue hoping that someone would slap me on my face. He left me with a kiss. The wayward dog bark at me and “spoof”, I returned to be normal again. This feeling is different, unusual and there is something with it. “God!” The same feeling like before, the same place and the same happening is all going back to me right now. The place we first met is the same place that guy and I met. The resto and the food were similar to our first date and the kiss… Is that the reincarnation of Todd' I fell snoozing on my bed thinking what I will do tomorrow…what I will say, consider and believe. …3:15 a.m.… I drop from my bed. I feel my cranium aching. Suddenly, I remembered what happened last night. I need to see him, speak to him and love him more. I don’t want this feeling to end. I will love him more than Todd. Sunrise, I need myself to get prepared. I washed my gentle soft body with the cold water sprinkling from the shower. The sensation is terrific. I feel like I am reborn for a moment. Cool and pleasurable. As I opened the door, I’m counting that he would surprise me with the tulips on his hands but he was not there, not a soul. As I launch a stride on the cantankerous boulevard of peccadillo, I saw a group of people looking at something or someone as if it was a superstar. I tried to ask someone but no one tried to speak to me. I sat at the aged bench and watch them as they go one by one. A raging ambulance came and the people ran on the sidewalk. So that means it’s an accident. As they lift the person to the ambulance, I started to recognize the person. He was a boy. Riding with the taxi, I tried to follow them. I got a strange feeling called fright. Who could that be' In the hospital, the nurse told me that the guy was dead on arrival. I immediately ran towards the way the nurse had shown me. When I enter the room, a body covered by a white cloth is lying on my front. I wanted to look at it but I can’t. Tears wanted to flow on my face but they cannot. Slowly, I walk towards it. With my scared hands, I decided to lift the cloth. I saw a man. He’s eyes were closed and no signs of life at all. I fall from my knees and my eyes started to grow wide, the emotion was released and I started to cry. Here I am sitting at the church, staring at the casket of the man I had loved once and twice, knowing that this happened before…a déjà vu that hurts. I stood up to see his face to see his face once more but a capitalized word captured my sight. Also he’s name is Todd.