Comm_155_Final

The two paragraphs selected are: 1. Recent economic concerns prompted President Obama to meet with credit card industry executives in April, 2009. The national credit card delinquency rate continues to grow in recent times, and the President, along with Congress, aims to end unfair fees and increases in interest rates. Additionally, the President asked that all terms, disclosures, and statements be clear and easy to read for consumers. Confusing terms, often defined in fine print, are believed to have led to the nation’s rising debt and delinquency. 2. The majority of people don’t have wills. Everyone should have a will, but not all people have one. Wills are important because they explain who to inherit your possessions after you die. You do not want your things going to someone you don’t want them to go to. My Auntie Cynthia went to a lawyer to get a will, but I have yet to do one. My dad died in 1987, and he didn’t have a will. His belongings went to my step mother who I don’t get along with. If he would have had a will, I might have been able to start college sooner if my dad didn’t have a will. A will is good and you should have one. Do you have a will' I think that the first paragraph is less effective and monotonous because it contains sentences of the same length. A reader will feel bored and disinterested to read the first paragraph because it lacks sentence variety. On the other hand, the second paragraph is a bit more effective and has more rhythm and better sentence variety. But, the second paragraph has more errors and needs to be improved still further. The last sentence in the first paragraph could be written as: “The nation’s rising debt and delinquency is believed to have been led by the confusing terms, which are often laid out in fine print.” Or “The president has asked that all terms, disclosures, and statements to be clear and easy to read for consumers because confusing term are believed to have led to the nation’s rising debt and delinquency.” In the second paragraph, some sentences could be made compound sentences. “My dad died in 1987 and he didn’t have a will.” Also, the following sentence sounds better: “You don’t want your things going to someone you don’t want them to go to and that’s why my Auntie Cynthia went to a lawyer to get a will and I yet to do one.” The use of ‘and’ in this sentence makes it better and crisp. So, if one moves some elements around, the rhythm can be improved to a great extent.