Belonging

From the other side of the station I could hear the screeching of the train wheels coming to a stop, with the last shreds of energy and strength I had left in my body; I began to run. Just slipping through the closing doors I could feel my heart rate racing at speeds it had forgotten. It’d been a long time since I’d run for the train, and this would be the last time. It was definitely not something I was going to miss. Finding a seat, I let my body relax, leaned my head against the window and watching my surroundings become one big blur, I let my heavy lids shut with the exhaustion they had been accumulating over all these years. I was looking forward to more days like this. Where I wouldn’t have a care in the world other then dinner or when I would have the next family gathering. In the future seemed all too easy… It wasn’t until I felt a jolt, that I realised I had been asleep, in a deep sleep too. Looking out the window it was then I noticed that the station name I was looking at was unfamiliar…I’d never even heard of a place called sdfs let alone the next stop which was being announced as sdfds. I felt a sinking feeling inside me as I came to the conclusion that I was going the wrong way. What was more, as I went to check my watch to find out how much time I had actually wasted, I found the hands in a stationary position of quarter to seven. At least this explained how I could’ve been late after thirty years of such strict timekeeping. I’d most likely have to get off at the next stop, sdfss I think' Then catch a train all the way back to oksdf. However, my plans and thoughts were interrupted by one sound. “SCREEEEECH!!” I felt a jolt a lot larger than the one I had experienced earlier as my body was thrown violently forward into the steps in front of me. In an effort to keep some dignity, I picked myself up and smoothed over my disgruntled jeans and took the nearest seat to prevent the same thing from happening. But sadly, the train that seemed full of movement only moments ago was now stationary. Not even the mechanical sounds and vibrations of the engine could be heard, only the hollow breeze which made its way through the windows which were slightly open. Soon enough, a man wearing navy blue and what seemed to be the guard’s uniform entered. He seemed flustered and spoke in a thick European accent making it difficult to understand what exactly had happened. “Iy um sorry for vut huss happened. Zee enjeen is brockin. It vill be fix soon.” I eased into the chair and got comfortable, well as comfortable as it was possible in the hard, blue, vinyl covered chairs with the multitude of lumps and bumps and the odd hole. This, I told myself, is everything I’ve wanted and needed; some time out. And what better place to do it then a broken down train, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a spatter of strangers whom I have never and will never know. The window didn’t give much of a view, just the same breeze which was still blowing through, yet it was enough to allow my mind to wander and explore the edges and cracks of my mind I had avoided for the better half of my life. What was I going to do with all this time and freedom I was about to acquire' It felt as though I was about to receive a treasure chest, just thinking about it made me quiver inside with excitement. There was so much to do which I hadn’t yet done. Places to see, People to meet, Food to taste. See that was the point wasn’t it' To live life. Not just ease by it and get through the day just to do the same in the next. Most of my life had been spent thinking of the small daily “formalities” I suppose you could call them. Making sure meals were made. Making sure the washing was done. Watching the news every night and going to work everyday, all the monotony ready to be repeated again the next day. Day after day. Week after week. All had eventually turned into years, thirty to be exact, and where was I left' In a broken down train going nowhere in particular really. I remember someone telling me there were two certainties in life: death and change. I was about to face a huge change, one which would turn my life around – retirement. I had worked for so long that accounting had become my life and I didn’t really know much else. Dreams once had occupied a youthful mind had slowly faded away as children and chores came in. It was at this moment that I knew I didn’t want to change that way yet. The train then came to life. The fluorescent lights flickered on. The seats began to vibrate with the life of the engine and an announcement came over “Ze trayn is now working. Sorry for ze inconvenience and tankyoo for yoor paytience.” At the next stop of Wolli Creek I was able to change trains and make my way back to familiarity. Getting off at gdfs, I found the small real estate shop. Thirty minutes later I walked out with a beam and a piece of paper proving the ownership of a little place not far from my own house. As I walked towards the familiar grey building I walked towards everyday, I felt a feeling of satisfaction; my life was already starting to change and tomorrow hadn’t even come yet. I opened the door. I could see a banner on the roof “Happy Retirement.” “Tom, we thought you’d decided to retire a day early, took your time to get to work today didn’t you'” I smiled seeing the cake in the corner of the room and the bottle of champagne waiting to be opened. This was the end of something old and used. It was time for something new. “I’ve decided not to retire” I said, “I’m opening a café instead.”