Almost_a_Woman

Esmeralda Santiago’s, Almost a Woman, is about an immigrant child who faces difficult obstacles and content moments. Esmeralda’s book makes me reflect back on some of my younger days as well. As the oldest, and only daughter, I was forced to be a good example for my two younger brothers. Esmeralda was not the only daughter, but she was the one who Mami secretly depended on. I was not allowed to have boyfriends. Which was fine at the time, I was only 9. Esmeralda was not allowed to have any boyfriends as well. Since I was the first born, I had to help my mother to the fullest of my ability. Of course this meant changing diapers, washing dishes, and translation. Esmeralda would also help Mami out in these types of circumstances. At that moment in time, I felt good and proud of myself for helping my mother. I felt like an independent adult; although, I still required some assistance in third grade math homework. Esmeralda also felt a sense of accomplishment in herself for helping her mother. Esmeralda and I are similar to each other, but we think differently. From the moment we were inseparable from our mothers, to wanting freedom and independence. Esmeralda reminds me of myself in many different positions. Esmeralda also has some characters that remind me of some of my family members. She has a mother that was overprotective, old-school, and could not speak English. Esmeralda’s biography begins with her coming to the United States. Mami brought all of her children here to have a better future. But little did she know that Esmeralda would change bit by bit in this country. This is where Esmeralda began to get “Americanized”, as Mami put it. When my parents came to the United States, they both became ‘Americanized’ once they walked in a McDonalds for the very first time. When Mami said this word, Esmeralda felt scared. “Mami said they were Americanized. The way she pronounced the word, ‘Americanized’ sounded like a terrible thing, to be avoided at all costs, another algo to be added to the list of ‘somethings’ outside our door”(12). Like Mami, both of my parents decided to come to the United States for the same reason. Even thought I was born here, my parents still believed that learning Spanish first was important. For the first five years I spoke, read, and wrote only Spanish. I had an extremely hard time reading and writing in English once I went to school. The difficulty of reading and writing English ended once I began third grade. Both of my parents made it difficult for me to learn English when I began school. Although I am glad, because now I fluently speak, write, and read Spanish. Both of my parents were very proud and supported me. Esmeralda, on the other hand, had to do her own research. Mami did not encourage her, but she did not stop her from learning the main language. Esmeralda had to go to the library by herself and read baby books to learn how to speak English. She would then take those books home and show them to her younger brothers and sisters. This is a big change in both Esmeralda’s life and mine as well. However, this is not the only time Esmeralda will have a big change in her life, and neither was it in mine. Once Esmeralda was in college, she wanted to help Mami with what she could. When Esmeralda and Mami went to get welfare and the welfare worker told Esmeralda to get a part-time job. Mami told the worker that Esmeralda’s job was to go to school. My mother and father were the same with me. I was about 16 when our family started have money problems. My mother would worry about paying the bills at home and keeping a roof over our heads. It worried me so much that my mom would cry over not having a job. I would want to cry with her. I knew that I had to help my mother any way possible. When I told my parents about me getting a part-time job. They both said that my only job was to get good grades and do well in school. However, my bother was only 12 and he would go help an uncle with farm work after school. I felt like dead weight. How was it that my younger brother had to get a job, and I did not' Esmeralda’s younger brother also had a job before she did. “Hector was twelve, long and scrawny and not ’almost a man’ from what I could see. But he was male and I was female and that was the difference. As much as we could have used whatever money I might be able to bring in, it wasn’t worth the risk of my being away from home after dark. Algo could happen”(104). Soon Esmeralda found a job, and she got it just because her boss liked West Side Stories. There was a similar situation in my life as well. I was accepted in a job, not because of West Side Stories, but because I was known as the “cat whisperer”. Esmeralda wanted to help her mother at that moment in time, but as soon as her other brothers and sisters received jobs, she began gaining distance between her family. Once Esmeralda got out of college, she began dating. A man named Jurgen proposed to her quickly, but Esmeralda was not sure about marrying him. “There was another thing that bothered me: I couldn’t convince myself that I loved Jurgen. Was I crazy to expect to love a man I’d met only a few times' It troubled me that, while I looked forward to his calls, I had forgotten what he looked like”(265). This reminds me of when I was secretly going to get married with one of my boyfriends. We only knew each other for three months and then decided to get engaged. I look back and I too was also glad to cancel the wedding. I was too young to get married and leave the house. Esmeralda was right to terminate the wedding. There is nothing worse than to get married with person who has too many secrets; or any secrets at all for that matter. Esmeralda soon found another man to replace the last one. However she did not know that this time, it would be definite. This man Ulvi, knew how to seduce her. He knew how to talk to her, and Esmeralda was intrigued. “He spoke in Turkish, a language I’d never heard. Its sound was soothing, at least the way he spoke it, in a hushed, intimate voice, a raspy whisper”(270). Esmeralda would pay attention to every little detail about him. As if she was already in love. This is where she decided to give into his charm. She wanted to leave her house for good. “Still, I couldn’t bring myself to defy Mami, just like Alma didn’t oppose Titi Ana, or Shoshana confront her own parents…But non of us stood up to our mothers and said, ‘I’m leaving you. I can stand on my own. It’s time for me to claim my life’”(283). In the end, she had to make a final decision. Either leave with Ulvi, or stay with her mother. Esmeralda was troubled and did not know what to do. There were so many thoughts crossing her mind, she did not know what decision to make. Ultimately, Esmeralda decided to go with her beloved Ulvi and leave her family behind. I too left my family. It was a very hasty decision, and a sad one. I have never been away from my family, and it was so sad for me to go. I would have to leave my mother, father, annoying brothers behind. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. My sadness overwhelmed me and I became depressed. Esmeralda’s book was something I could relate to, and I felt what she felt in some situations. At the end of the day, our choices are what make us what we are, whether to do good or bad.