Good communication

自我谈话技巧的剖析

My overall competency score is 67, and the individual scores for motivation, knowledge and skills are 26, 19 and 22. I think I am a competent communicator in terms of my initiative to communicate and my desire to have a quality conversation with the involved people. I am an easy-going person and always want to establish friendly relationship with others. However, I am incompetent in the areas of managing the conversation and obtaining my goal. I am often at lost when my counterparts change the topic or react in a way I have never expected. I know very clearly what I want get from a conversation but the result often turns out to be the opposite way. The scores I got in “skill” really surprised me. I always thought I was excellent in performing my conversational skills because I have always been complimented for my polite manner and eloquent speech. But after finishing this survey, I know a skillful communicator needs more than manner and eloquence. Polite manner and eloquence are just a one-part thing. To be a competent communicator, I should also master the skill to be attentive or change the topics according to the response of others. Last summer vacation, I had an one-hour conversation with my grandma back in China. My grandma first asked me about my life in America, then for most of the time, I described my life to my grandma in a very detailed way because she has never been here before. She still seems confusing about my life after one-hour illustration. I assumed myself to be a good communicator, but now I suddenly realize it was not inappropriate for me to just focus on my life since my grandma couldn't understand my life. For the whole hour, I didn’t give her opportunity to tell me about herself and about things happened in the family. I became the only speaker in the conversation. I think the results in “motivation” items meet my expectation. As in the previous example, I have good intention to make my conversation with my grandma go smoothly and I also want to be much involved in the conversation. 

Personally, I am not so disappointed at my communication competence. I get 67 out of 90, which is not so bad. However, the survey has shown some of my weakness I have never been conscious to. The most important part I should improve is my knowledge competence and then my skill competence. I think the lack of knowledge in some social customs, the inattentiveness to others and the inability to control the conversation are my weakness. In my near future life, I think there are two aspects I can make progress with. First, read books or search online materials about rules guiding social behavior and different social customs. Then be more attentive in conversations and learn how to change the topics based on other people’s reaction.

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