Rogers_3_Core_Conditions

Carl Rogers (an American psychologist) was largely responsible for the development of the person-centred approach in the 1940s and 1950s. This form of therapy creates a relationship which fosters the client’s innate tendency to develop as a unique individual -a process known as self-actualization- whilst respecting their capacity for self -determination. Three specific, therapeutic conditions create a climate conducive to growth and therapeutic change: congruence, unconditional positive regard and empathy. I should like to examine each of these in turn, while drawing on my own experience of them. The first, congruence, is one of the three characteristics that form an integral part of every successful therapeutic relationship. In person-centred counselling, relating and engaging with the client has much more relevance than utilising any specific skills or techniques. It is important that we relate in a genuine, transparent way. We must try to link our own inner experiencing with our outward behaviour whilst without hiding behind a professional façade. Sustaining this is no mean feat – but the dividends are enormous. Instead of assuming trust- as in many other disciplines - we must try to earn it. Thus establishing an equal relationship. By being entirely genuine, it is possible, using personal resonance (being open to my own experiencing of the client’s events) to give an alternate, critical perspective on his phenomenological reality. Moreover, by showing how we have arrived at this outcome, the client’s faith in the relationship should grow: they need not be concerned about a therapist’s possible personal agenda and this should foster an increasingly open dialogue, thereby encouraging further self-disclosure. Furthermore, it is essential for a therapist to be open to similar scrutiny. We must acknowledge our own beliefs, prejudices and values – self-awareness is vital. In fact, a therapist’s ability to admit her own frailties can initiate a client’s self- acceptance of flaws and imperfections. The degree to which this happens is dependent on the therapist’s own openness, honesty, integration and an awareness of potential blocks to congruence. With this in mind it would be absurd for a therapist to ‘wear a mask’, unwittingly or otherwise. Congruence was initially a very challenging concept for me. Even when I had grasped its essence and possible implications, it often sat uncomfortably. There are diverse reasons why we choose to be incongruent and ‘morph’ into different people to survive in social situations. Mearns and Thorne allude to this when they refer to our culture in terms of its, ‘Collective pathology of incongruence’ (Mearns and Thorne 2007: 120) As we grow, we are peppered with phrases and clichés that positively reinforce incongruence. The mandate, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’ has particular resonance for me. Although I am often self-aware, I can be unwilling to express myself. For example, in skills practice I find great difficulty in being the observer. I am increasingly aware that I am more assertive with relative strangers. As the year progresses I am noticing how hard it is to raise critical objections with fellow course mates. As my relationships develop, I have a desire to censor my responses for fear that I will either hurt them or affect their self-esteem. I feel, however, I am learning to temper this with the realisation that negative feedback can be constructive and that is what I am here to learn. Sometimes, though, I have been frustrated by conflicting emotions – my internal and external dialogues at odds with one another. I then feel I have let myself and my friend down. Cowardly hoping someone else will articulate what I have been unable to, I rationalise it away, hoping that where I would have been clumsy and given offence, another person will communicate in a way that will help the student grow. In addition to the process of congruence, an unreserved acceptance of a client and her values is important. This is called unconditional personal regard. A therapist must try to convey consistent continual respect and warmth regardless of private views and biases. This has enormous therapeutic benefits. Rogers (1961:62) refers to it as ‘prizing’, emphasising that it is more than mere acceptance. It is communicated in many ways: a warm tone of voice, smiling, holding eye contact but most importantly, being genuine. Such a ‘way of being’ promotes great trust and a client is more able to explore his thoughts, both positive and negative, without fear of judgement. Eventually following constant affirmation of his intrinsic value, self-acceptance and growth will hopefully follow. Mearns and Thorne (2007) state, ‘The client becomes contaminated by the counsellor’s accepting attitude and little by little he begins to experience the same attitude towards himself.’ (Mearns & Thorne 2007:98) In most of our relationships, throughout our lives, we are defined by needs and the requirement to merit them. We tend to feel that we get love and affection if we ‘deserve it’. All of us, I feel, are dependent to varying extents on positive regard and we learn early on that it is rarely given freely. Such prerequisites are very potent and sadly may not be in our best interests. Rather than as Rogers (1961) describes, using ‘actualising tendencies’ or ‘organismic valuing’, we look outwards and let ourselves be defined by others. Instead of trying to actualise our potential, we feel our own measure of self-approval is only reached if we meet the standards set by others. Sadly, if we cannot uphold these or fall short, our self-esteem is severely affected. Moreover, some individuals gradually incorporate such conditions into their own views about themselves. In this way, they lose sight of what their own experience means for them. Challenges to these self-concepts are apt to be distorted, or even denied, in order to preserve such beliefs. It is inevitable that over time defensive behaviour can obstruct a person’s ability to realise their true inner self. Unconditional positive regard is both non-possessive and demands no personal gratification. In fact, therapists actively explore these conditions of worth and deliberately turn them about by consistently valuing the intrinsic person. As Mearns states, ‘Unconditional positive regard is about the counsellor not only valuing parts of the client that are struggling to achieve a more satisfying, meaningful existence but also the many self-protective screens which the client has erected to distance himself from the feared threat posed by other people’. (Mearns, D. 2003:4) This element of person-centred therapy has been somewhat humbling for me. There have been few people of whom I could not approve of on some level, by rationalizing away their seemingly ‘dislikeable’ behaviour. In fact, I rather prided myself on being exceptionally tolerant, able to find positive qualities in personally challenging people. I soon learnt that my understanding was without any real depth. On reflection, I had to ask myself. Given my life – single, divorced homemaker living in a predominately white rural village – could I really claim such a thing, given my isolated demographic' Indeed, since we tend to surround ourselves with those we like, with similar values etc., I have rarely come across a person where I have had to accept continually opposing beliefs. For instance, I recently met Mark. Circumstances dictated that we talk regularly and I was surprised by the strength of my reaction. From the outset, he seemed very patronising. He appeared to make some superior, condescending remark at every opportunity. After only a brief discourse, I was feeling inwardly quite irritated. With my hackles rising higher at every meeting, the strain of my incongruence was beginning to show. I found myself becoming quite adversarial and defensive. Later, when I was alone, and not feeling quite so vulnerable, I realised that I no longer actually listened. I had, in effect ‘switched off’ and was prejudging what he was about to say before he had even opened his mouth. It seemed that I was particularly sensitive to this area. Mark had aroused such strong feelings of hostility – and I now realised it had to do with my own issues. After all my judgement of him was arrived at quickly, based on scant evidence. We barely knew each other. If we were going to forge any reasonable relationship, I had to recognise my dislike for what it was and own it. By revising this, it was possible for me to consider the person behind the comments. It was one facet of his behaviour I did not like - not his whole being. As I have discovered, there are many parts to me also, and thinking about this served to diminish the intensity of my negative feelings and allow some interest, concern and warmth to come through. Once I could do this, I strived to be more empathic and over time, I appreciated how vulnerable Mark really was. Mearns and Thorne (2007) refers to such deflective behaviour thus, ‘As the counsellor gradually learns the personal language of her client his behaviour becomes more intelligible and the person behind the behaviour becomes progressively easier to see and to accept.’ (Mearns and Thorne 2007:102) Once again, this experience has reinforced for me how vital a therapist’s self-awareness and development is to effective person-centred therapy. By understanding my personal values and their foundations, I will hopefully be alert to their possible impact on my acceptance of a client and afford me self-control. Mearns states this of unconditional positive regard, ‘It involves the counsellor in considerable personal development work to attain a level of personal security and self acceptance which reduces her need to protect self against others. Unless extensive personal development takes place, any ‘display’ of unconditional positive regard on the part of the counsellor tends to be superficial and usually wilts under the challenge of well developed client self protective systems’. (Mearns, D. 2003:4) Finally, the third, main aspect to therapy is empathy. I feel it is essential to any successful therapeutic relationship regardless of its origins. It is easy to feel sympathy when something awful happens to someone else. Empathy is different however, and goes much deeper. It is stepping into another’s experience and reality, as they perceive it. Whereas unconditional personal regard is an attitude, empathy is a far more dynamic, organic process and certainly not a rigid set of responses. We must be able to sense a client’s feelings as if they come from within ourselves. To adopt a different outlook, we must abandon (albeit temporarily) our past and personal beliefs which might influence our responses. Again, the therapist’s capacity for self-awareness is essential or she will be limited at best. Clearly, 100% empathy is well nigh impossible and a person’s empathy can never be entirely pure. As Anais Nin famously says, ‘We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.’ (Canfield, Hansen ,Hawthorne and Shimoff 1999:65) We can strive, as counsellors', for the highest degree of empathy attainable. To some it comes naturally as a personal quality: others develop it with practice. Sue Culley and Tim Bond reinforce this view in Integrative Counselling Skills in Action with, ‘Because we are all separate, unique beings, it is impossible for us to understand our clients completely. No one can experience clients’ lives as they experience them because of the uniqueness of their experience. However, empathetic understanding offers vital acknowledgement, witness and recognition’. (Culley and Bond 2004:33) A mixture of intellectual and emotive reactions defines empathy of which active listening is the key. A therapist may summarise, paraphrase emotions and events, and reflect them back to the client. Also, based on a client’s body language and words, she may use imagery and metaphor, which can resonate with his experiences. Echoing posture, language or tone can also be adopted. The very ‘presence’ of the therapist is an important factor, as is open-mindedly validating his feelings. Empathy is crucial for many reasons. The value of being understood by another human being is hugely important. We gain great relief when we are being attentively listened to, especially when a person is prepared to help bear some of the weight we are carrying. When the therapist willingly lays aside her own views and enters her clients own world, it demonstrates not only that the view has value, but that the client is being accepted and is worthwhile. Moreover, the clients self esteem are increased further by the therapists’ acknowledgement of her courage in confronting her problems. Empathy is important for another reason – our tendency to judge from some remote, uninvolved position is eradicated as we genuinely try to understand. Curbing our desire to impose our own values on a client requires great sensitivity but does free us from the role of ‘all-knowing’ professional. Mearns and Thorne (2007:77) refer to this as ‘dissolving alienation’. Moreover, by using his relationship with the therapist as a ‘mirror’, a client is able to gain greater insight into his situation. Empathy can also be used to pick up clues as to observations of which the client may be unaware – known as ‘additive empathy ‘ (Mearns and Thorne 2007:131). This highlights possible underlying feelings for the client and could begin his journey towards self –agency (his capacity and readiness to be accountable to himself). Of the three core conditions in therapy, I find empathy is the easiest one for me to harness consistently. Whilst I sometimes find it difficult to put a sensitive and accurate understanding of another’s experience into words, I feel I have a reasonably well developed sense of it. In fact, in the past I have taken it too far. I have come to realise that I am in the habit of adopting another person’s perspective to such an extent, that my own is often irretrievably lost in the process. My past relationship with my husband is a powerful example. Previously, in a vicious cycle, the worse my self-esteem became, the more I doubted my thoughts and opinions. Whilst matters have improved immeasurably since then, I am aware that I have a little way to go. If I am to work effectively in the future, I must be able to harness my own feelings so that I can immerse myself in the client’s perspective but be able to pick up the reins of my true self when appropriate. Another area in which I feel there is an inherent danger is possible self- projection deriving from situations in common. Although this may initially improve the flow of conversation and potentially help in establishing a sense of trust, there are risks involved. It would be very remiss of me to start making assumptions, and could lead perhaps to an inability to view his experiences as unique to him. Furthermore, a client with a greatly externalised locus of evaluation may confuse my experiences with his. Therefore, I must be careful that past events neither colour nor become a block to my empathy. As long as I ‘check in’ with my inner self, I feel I can guard against such occurrences. Fortunately, at present, I do not believe it has been an issue for me. One area where my empathy has fallen short however, concerns my young son. I am conscious that in the past, I have tended to rush to stress reassurance rather than give him more time and make an effort to understand. Often I caught myself writing off his remarks with a bland, empty ‘it’ll be better in the morning’ or ‘you’re fine – it’s nothing’. Whether his worries are real or perceived makes no difference. He needed me to acknowledge, reflect back and actively listen. Nowadays, I try not to generalise and am specific in my responses to let him know I am genuinely interested. Our relationship has been enhanced by the quality of the time we spend together. I realise that if I trivialise how he feels, he may feel he is not worth noticing and it may affect his self-esteem. In summation, I have developed these core conditions, I think, with mixed degrees of success. Though the theoretical aspects can be discussed at length, in practice however, congruence, unconditional positive regard and empathy are in many ways inseparable. For me, the lines of definition, particularly concerning unconditional positive regard are exceptionally blurred. For instance, discussing the need to be more empathetic with my son, I could equally have used it as an example of my need to value him more, so that he feels respected. In another case, both accepting and empathy are vital elements for understanding Mark’s behaviour. Only by uncovering and understanding- using empathy- can we achieve unconditional positive regard. Good psychotherapy seems to be the sum of all its parts, with the counsellor as the catalyst: in turn, this facilitates the client’s greater and more honest self-expression and the breakdown of his defences. One linking theme emerging between these three core conditions is consistency. Healthy social relationships show these conditions but only in a transitory way. Each state, for a variety of reasons presents the therapist with considerable challenges in maintaining such consistency. My studies have constantly reinforced the need for a therapist’s personal development. When the therapist is congruent, her own self will be transparent to the client. The counsellor therefore owes it to her client to live authentically and without fear. Until then, mastery of the three core conditions exemplifying person-centred counselling will be elusive.