Commentary: Excerpt from A Fraction of the Whole

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In the excerpt from A Fraction of the Whole (2008) by Steve Toltz, the narrator describes the complicated feelings of coming out of his coma after being in sleep for four years. The story has adopted a first-person perspective of a child, and has strengthened such an impression with specific diction and syntax. The author has also used an array of literary devices, including imagery, personification, and analogy. These strategies effectively place the readers into the context and give them an authentic feeling of the narrator. In the short length, the characters of the mother, the father, and the little brother Terry has also been vividly constructed. Despite the obvious feelings of shock, confusion and fear after coming out of a long coma, the different responses from the family members and the imagination of the narrator combine to form a positive and optimistic attitude towards life.

The use of the first-person perspective makes the passage feel personal and authentic. There are a lot of “I” s used in the passage, indicating the feelings and needs of the narrator directly. For example, upon waking up, “I opened my mouth and asked for cordial-I wanted to taste something sweet (3).” An explanation follows right after the action. This makes the first-person perspective the most appropriate in sending such messages. The narrator even addresses the readers directly once at the beginning of the passage: “In real life you think of cocktails with pineapple chunks and little umbrellas (5).” This effective draws the readers closer to the narrator as if he was telling a personal story directly to an audience. It would be much easier for the audience to emphasize with the narrator once their psychological distance is reduced. Moreover, there is also an extensive use of humor, which achieves similar effects. For example: “land of the living (4),” “the freak-show stepson, the Amazing Sleeping Kid (10),” “that creepy mommy over there is your brother (15),” and “Even ugly people know beauty when they don’t see it (25).” These humor elements serve to lighten up the heavy subjects and set an optimistic tone of the entire passage.

In the limited length of the passage the author has effectively depicted the vivid images of the different characters. These characters contribute tremendously to the positive tone of the entire article and exist to support and justify the optimistic attitude of the narrator. The characters are constructed mainly through their interactions with the narrator. The image of the loving and overwhelmed mother is depicted with two simple actions. She “covered my hands in wet kisses (9)” and “breathlessly called for him to come and meet his brother (13).” Through the two details the readers can almost imagine how devastated and heartbroken the mother once was. The elements of humor are added into the images of the stepfather and Terry. For example, the father “thundered in (18)” with the idea to get the boy “up and about (19).” He also “got the idea (21)” suddenly and brought the boy in front of the mirror without thinking of the possible consequences. These reckless actions show the readers a different type of love from the mother. Despite the recklessness, it is filled with positive energy. The little brother Terry is another interesting figure, with the complete process of transition in the passage. From the fear and awkwardness imagined by the narrator when he was in coma, to the initial shyness and hiding, and finally “an hour for Terry to bridge the distance between us (34),” the innocent and kind nature of Terry is also revealed. It is thus natural for the vivid and positive family member images to be the source of positivity and optimism of the narrator.

Diction is a key feature of the passage to indicate the identity and character of the narrator. Since the entire passage adopts a first-person perspective, the diction of the passage should reflect the thinking and speaking patterns of the narrator directly. In this case, it is an 8-year-old child who has just come out of a coma. As a result, there are few trace of connotations in the passage, while most of the sentences and words deliver the message in the literal sense. For example, in describing the emotions, words like “joyous (6),” “jubilant (10),” “breathlessly (12),” and “afraid (32)” are used. These are all denotations that reflect the complicated emotions of the boy directly. It also reflects the honest nature of a child in telling the story. There are also dictions that show the vivid imagination and childish nature of the narrator. For example, the use of “slip out again (2),” “pull out presents (8),” “spooky (16),” and “trailing behind (24)” are phrases and words that are not normally used by grown-ups in describing the same objects. By demonstrating the childish nature through the controlled amount of diction, the author can make the story more relatable and appealing to the audience.

The syntax and sentences is another indicator of the identity of the narrator. There were a lot of very short sentences in the passage. For example: “Shortly after my either birthday, I woke up. Just like that (1).” This short sentence creates a sense of suspension and effectively hooks the readers’ attention by creating a pause in the very beginning of the text. Another example is “It was true. I had (20)” when the father asked whether the child had forgotten his own face. This again creates a pause for the readers to detect the emotions of the boy before proceeding to read. The short sentences prepare the readers mentally to the upcoming emotions of confusion and fear of the boy. They help the audience emphasize with the narrator by creating pauses for suspension and emotional buffering. A combination of longer and shorter sentences is found in the rest of the passage. The longer ones are used mostly to describe the third perspective world, while the shorter ones are used to expression first-person emotions directly.

Imagery, personification, and analogy are the three major literary devices used in the passage. Again, they combine to show a vivid, childish, and imaginative inner world of an 8-year-old. The imagination of a child is often so intriguing and sometimes funny to the adult, and the author has captured this characteristic precisely through the careful selection of literary devices. The use of imagery includes “It must have been spooky, especially at night when the moonlight hit my frozen face and my unmoving eyeballs fixed on the poor kid (17)” and “I couldn’t be sure if it was me or someone who had once hated me (23).” These imagery captures the feeling of a child indirectly yet vividly by constructing an imaginative space that lets the readers see what the boy sees. An extensive amount of analogy and personification are also used. Examples of analogies include: “as if I’d been away on a long voyage and any moment I was going to pull out the presents (8)” and “as if I were a drunk friend they were escorting out of a bar (22).” Personification is used when the narrator tries to describe his body: “my legs were sad, dead things (20” and “I wouldn’t allow them the satisfaction of closing (32).” Personification and analogy show the readers how the child make sense of the world in his own ways, offering a unique, original, and intriguing perspective to the readers.

In conclusion, the author has effective expressed the sense of loss, confusion, and dear of the little boy after waking up from the coma. However, the characters in the passage and the humor elements create a positive and optimistic tone. There is an extensive use of imagery, personification, analogy to show the innocent nature of the narrator. While making the readers highly emphasize with the experience of the narrator, the depiction of the love and support from the family members and the intriguing imaginative perspective of the narrator himself reduce the heavy nature of the topic, making the passage fun and lighthearted to read.

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